Goodbye, General!

[Aoslare]

BRADY We were good friends once. I was always glad of your support. What happened between us? There used to be a mutuality of understanding and admiration. Why is it, my old friend, that you have moved so far away from me?   DRUMMOND All motion is relative. Perhaps it is you who have moved away — by standing still.

 

I've been here a long time. Approximately 6.66 years. When I first came, I really didn't expect it to be as much fun, and as fulfilling, as it was. Nonetheless, approximately 6.66 months after I joined the community, I left, complete with goodbye topic and even a last will and testament. I was packing up and moving physically, and didn't think my SW persona would survive.

 

But it did. I came back (approximately 3.33 months later) and I stuck around. I made a disturbing number of posts, and made it through 332 PDNs. I made many friends, too, and at times have thought of SW as a sort of wonderful ethereal boarding-house, full of creativity and mutual appreciation.

 

Actually, I made it through more than 332 PDNs. A few have gotten lost over the years. One that I rediscovered recently, and which is perhaps the best embodiment of the things I have loved about SW, is this one:

 

Slalmarlentyrancaydarephtuckelecoba

 

There are a lot of names in that one PDN, probably more than I can find right now!

 

But as member #333 reminded us in his fake goodbye topic, all good things must come to an end. This good thing has been unravelling — for me — for a few years now. People whom I enjoyed hanging out with have disappeared; people whose posts I always looked forward to reading have either stopped posting, or I have stopped finding their posts so appealing. For my part I have become grumpier. The culture of the boards has changed, too. Amusements of mine that once would have amused others, have unexpectedly generated ill will. Most distressing of all has been the (often public) decaying of relationships among people whom I once admired and respected — and still wish to. The leading quote, taken without stage directions from Inherit the Wind, describes this situation well.

 

I have stood still, and the community has moved and grown (and shrunk) and evolved. It is not the place for me any more. The old paradigm was better for me. But the present may be better for others, and I indeed I hope that my getting out of the way can make that fact more true. I would also prefer to leave with my current, very healthy supply of good memories, before any more bad ones show up to try and spoil the bunch. (This last desire also explains, I think, why I have spent so much time poking around old threads and writing histories, the last few years.)

 

I am not saying I will never post here again. I know better than that. You'll certainly see me in the game forums — probably quite a bit when there is a new release. But my time spent hanging out in General, I think, is over. This isn't Goodbye Forever. It is Goodbye Mostly.

 

I have collected here some of my good memories, that I thought were particularly funny or wise or simply worth sharing. Some of these are predictable and have been shared before. Others are new. I have also tried to round up as many of my unfinished projects as I could find, to give them some kind of conclusion, however incomplete. Finally, I am now switching to my 333rd (in UBB numbers) and final PDN, whose significance may be found under the several unfinished projects it was a part of.

 

 

 

GOOD TIMES

 

"You *praise* Google for storing the worst bits of nonsense you say for ever and ever and ever? It's horrible."

— Arancaytar

 

"As a Spidweb thread grows longer, the probability of a debate between prescriptivism and descriptivism approaches one."

— Dintiradan's Law

 

"Also, posting threats in Novah are both 1) still threats, and 2) annoying to translate when determining if they're threats."

— Ephesos

 

"What I ended up doing, after that, was telling him that I thought that a bunch of what he had just said was idiotic, and then he unzipped his pants, pulled out some New Age buzzwords, and started waving them around."

— Kelandon

 

"For a brief moment, doubt was sown in the minds of the faithful with the dissemination of the sordid conspiracy theory that you killed Richard (by throwing him off the top of the Space Needle in Seattle) in order to cash in on his lucrative game registrations... it's now commonly accepted that this *was* one of his deaths, just not one of his more interesting ones. So we tend to ignore it."

— Icshi

 

"This, my friend, implies that this woman is one of loose morals and has sexual relations with more than just one partner... I would sincerely hope you have enough pride in your first-born, that you would not portray her as an aroused sex junky in your games."

— Mysterious Man

 

"Ahh, melons! The very mention makes me quiver!"

— Saunders

 

"I want to thank everyone for all the support I have received in this difficult situation. I do not say this enough, but you guys are a great bunch of people to work with. I hope once everything settles, the community will emerge stronger than before."

— Stareye

 

"We are a safe and supportive environment for drivel."

— Student of Trinity

 

"Maybe Drakey is following the instructions in the Blades manual. He's just added the tree to Warrior's Grove, and in a month or so he will start on the goblin pit."

— Khoth

 

"presented with competing anecdotes in the absence of evidence, i have no recourse but to roll my eyes at both of you"

— Thurilith

 

"i will give you the name of the monster if you want to track it down in our hallucinogenic dreams."

— Upon Mars

 

"I hereby declare that I am the Highly Alert Moderator, and by my special abilities, I KNOW that ET is a Darkside Loyalist!"

— Student of Trinity

 

Click to reveal.. (Vintage TM — not his worst, but not great either — you have been warned)

"Welcome to General. Leave your testicles dangling off of the end of my bloody shears, since god knows if you're posting here, you won't be using them ever again."

— TM

"Now you and I. Let me for once just be myself, as I'm rapidly loosing patience. Being fifty means that I cannot return to the thoughts and emotions of my teenage time, though I remember them well. You can have my respect (and a lot of you have it) for moving into the world with an open and questioning mind, wide open eyes and compassionate feeling. If you are timid, no problem, you have time enough to find your courage later on. But if someone defends 'established' thought at age fourteen as vociferously as you do, s/he gets me into a towering rage. When will you start asking questions if not now?"

— ef

 

"I think this burst of creativity is because this board attracts creative people. Once one person started something and found others accepting, other people created something of their own."

— Dikiyoba

 

 

 

UNFINISHED PROJECTS

 

Randomizer can probably add to this list, but there are at least these:

 

Video Game Stunt Double Deathmatch Tournament: This one I can slap a hasty ending on. We left off in round 4 with Magus, Pikachu, Poo, Rune, and Samus facing dopplegangers. I agree with the commenters: Poo and Samus are in the best position to finish quickly. Rune comes next, then Magus, whose ability to win I don't doubt. Pikachu might win, but the fight would drag out with so much lightning resistance. Round 5: Poo vs Magus, Samus vs Rune. Poo wins, perhaps a bit surprisingly, as Starstorm will pass Magus's magic barrier, and Poo can heal. I also put money on Samus, whose agility and technological enhancements give her the edge in what is basically a battle of big explosions. The final match comes down to Poo vs Samus. Poo can heal, but has significantly weaker defenses to begin with. I think Samus's attacks will come in too fast for Poo, before he can deal enough damage to Samus. Therefore, I am uncarefully declaring SAMUS the winner! Congratulations to IFFY, who Samus was the stunt double for!

 

Community History: A truly obscene amount of effort has gone into this. I've released a few snippets and beta-tests here and there, but I don't think anyone has seen the full extent of this project. At this point I won't be finishing it, and it's not really stuff I can put out in an incomplete form. If you are really desperate to see what was up with some particular part of it (the gargantuan timeline, the user lists, the power chart, or the encyclopedia), send me a PM, but I do not plan on widespread dissemination.

 

Project Slartificus: This project was born when I first considered quitting the boards. (Yes, that long ago.) It was intended to be a way of wrapping up all my incomplete projects and checking out with a running backstory of possession by none other than the Demon of Good Taste. One phase was going to wrap up major incomplete projects, such as the deathmatches; another was to present the community history I had underway; the last was to say goodbye. Retrioactivity, and the phrase "Retrioactivity is in the air for UBB," was a modified version of Kraftwerk's song "Radioactivity" — in particular,

covered and then remixed by Fatboy Slim. A fancifully large undertaking, and one that was not well received.

 

Triple Slartifer: Originally, the 333rd name was going to be slartifer! slartifer! slartifer! — an appropriately triple name — unsummoning and calling to a halt all the other names as well as my possession by the Demon of Good Taste. (For those who have not seen the original comics, it should be pointed out that the demon's name does not describe his effects.) I was going to hide a slew of clues leading to this, and actually began doing so, largely by editing old posts of mine in the Triple Slartifer after the fact. The strange monologues and "poems" I posted in those threads were mostly modifications of speeches made by the Log Lady in the episode prefaces for Twin Peaks, whose theme of good and evil parts of people splitting off fit well with the intended story. After ENAW began, my plans for the 333rd PDN changed.

 

Everybody Needed and Welcome: I started this on a lark. During the initial days when it was really taking off, I had a whole bunch of idealistic notions about how it might rekindle my sense of belonging here. I had an extended story arc planned involving initially minor, but increasingly severe disruptions to how time travelling and continuity was supposed to have worked as explained by myself and Rosycow. Once the bus reached 2006, it was to become clear that these disruptions were actually the work of the Demon of Good Taste, eventually leading to a battle of Slarty vs. Slarty (as opposed to Slarty vs. Desk) — the Demon did not possess me so much as split off from me, Adam Warlock style — which would itself precipitate the long-overdue completion of the Stunt Double Tournament doppleganger round, and also lead to the calling out of the 333rd name of slartifer, Slartibus, whose Latin ending 'ibus' is the ultimate source of the English word 'bus', meaning approximately 'for everyone'. Along with the revelation of the True Meaning of Spam — that spam brings us death, but it is also what brings us life, and that we ought to be kinder to good spam for the sake of the community — this was meant to underscore a new committment of mine to actively build community here. Also, it would allow the Demon of Good Taste to be defeated for a second time on the Fields of Spam. Around that time, however, Ooc Interference happened, and then there were a few explosions here followed by a gross trickle of gnashing and writhing, here and elsewhere — that turned my attitude too dark for such an undertaking. So I am cutting out, but I hope that others will take this project to the good place that I could not take it! If not, it will have to make do with the death that most RPs meet.

 

A:EFTP Remix: This is just done; sorry. I just don't have the energy to decipher the changes I've made since 1.1 in order to get them all working. On the plus side, however, I now have a much better idea of what's involved and how to deal with the technical issues, so mods for future games will come easier and faster.

 

The Grand Poll: I never got around to analyzing individual games, but interest seemed to have waned. If you would really desperately like to know how a particular game's lovers and haters differed from the average demographics, I guess you can PM me.

 

 

 

I will follow this thread, which is already far too long, for a day or two. After that, if you need me, send me a PM. I have set my account to send me an e-mail when I receive a PM, so you should be able to reach me most reliably via the PM function.

 

Finally, it wouldn't be a second goodbye thread without a Second Last Will and Testament:

 

I, Slarty, hereby will: - the foot in my mouth, to you all, with love

I will miss this place, but the time has come. May the Nine-Headed Cave Cow smile upon you all. Goodbye, General! The Demon has finally been bound! Goodbye!

[*i]

Very sad to see you go, but things change. Thanks for everything Slarty and hope to see you around the game forums!

[Actaeon]

We will probably not cross paths much, as I confine myself nearly entirely to General. As such, I am also sad to see you go. I hope you find a productive or at least enjoyable use for all the free time you'll be gaining.

[nikki.]

*salutes*

 

As Spiderwebbers go, you were one of the best, and I am genuinely disappointed and saddened to see you off. Obviously I hope you stick around, and I thank heavens I had the good sense not to change my name today.

 

(And, just to be a jerk, it seems wrong for me to wish goodbye to somebody I'm currently talking to. But really, )

[Luca]

Although I understand and respect your reasons for doing so, I too am sad to see you go. I wish you find as much happiness and solace as you found here (when things were good) in your next adventure.

[Zummi]

OMG! Neb! I haven't seen you since forever. Also, farewell sweet Prince of General, may you always find good fortune in your endeavors.

[Goldengirl]

Everything changes. I'm glad that, unlike last time, you aren't leaving with the pretense you'll never return. The boards will have a different feeling with you gone, but nevertheless, the effects you had on Spiderweb can't be undone. Your wittiness, intellect, and character can be substituted, but never replaced.

 

This last will and testament of Slartifer M. Tuckersworth saddens me, but perhaps you will return again some day.

[keira]

I'll miss seeing you around here, you'll always have a special place in my heart, Mintycakes <3

[Triumph]

Aww! Slarty, I will miss seeing you on here. Your posts have definitely been among the most interesting and enjoyable since I joined these forums. Best wishes for your future endeavors.

[Alorael at Large]

It seems almost perverse to have a goodbye topic for someone who is stating an intention to quiet down, not leave. But it's a grand Spiderweb tradition, and in honor of someone who embraced grandeur, Spiderweb, and traditions, it seems fitting.

 

Bye, Slarty. I'll miss you here in General, and I'll see you on the other boards.

 

—Alorael, who salutes you and your efforts. Even the aborted ones were always entertaining, and it's the journey, not the destination! Although really. perhaps you ought to start looking at shorter journeys to more accessible destinations...

[Randomizer]

Of all the uncompleted projects A:EftP Remix was the one I wanted to see the most in its next version. Especially since it might have given Jeff some ideas to better balance the next Avernum.

 

Comeback some time to General and ban a spambot.

[Lilith]

man why you all gotta get all serious all of a sudden

 

i've had like five goodbye topics and i'm still here

[Tyranicus]

Farewell, sir. You have been been a good friend these past 7 years and will be greatly missed. Best of luck in all your future endeavors, and please try to finish one or two of them.

[Student of Trinity]

Tempora mutantur, nos et mutamur in illis.

 

We'll always have RWG.

[Callie]

[adc.]

Farewell, Slarty. We will miss your position and your memories you've done on General.

-------

-F"A"rewell

[BMA]

You were the stuff-doer of this place; we'll miss you, Slarty.

[Sudanna]

 

We'll all be lacking for your absence. You're always welcome at CR, at least by me.

[Little Fyora]

Mods have all the fun, making their goodbye topics with HTML and stuff. *sulk :-(*

[A less presumptuous name.]

Slarty's departure, or at least his stepping to the side, will undoubtedly shift the paradigm of life here at Spiderweb. You will be missed. No one can fill your shoes, but I hope the community continues to grow and develop. I'll see you in the games forums at the next release.

[Dikiyoba]

Bye, Slarty. Dikiyoba is sad to see you go.

[Trenton.]

Slarticus, You were one of the active people online. Not only that but Nice. And fun. Do you know how hard it is to find people like that on here? I mean, the registration number is who knows what now, and there are only like, 30-40 people actively posting? I me... Yadda yadda, Rant rant.

 

Spiderweb software has truly lost one of it's greats. But we are clearing the way for the future. Who knows who will come by, get a rediculous post count, become a mod(possibly more than once), and touch our hearts with meaningful and funny posts? And...*sigh* sometimes Informational.

 

With high respects Slart, Adios. Zai Jian. Ja ne. Adieu. Arrivederci. ood-Gay ye-bay.

[Balladeer]

Oy, Slarty. I say Welcome. Here is your allotted amount of sanity back. It's not nearly as much as you came in with but if you feed it regularly with non-General activity it should grow with time. When you visit you will be required to redeposit your sanity at the door if the amount you have grown causes said visit to exceed your personal insanity threshold. Please monitor your insanity intake and threshold levels closely. You are responsible for any and all "incidents" that occur from exceeding your threshold.

 

Once again welcome and enjoy the rest of your life. Make it a good one.

[Harehunter]

Slarty, I will truly miss you. You have been my strongest critic, but always with the best of intentions. I have benefited greatly from knowing you, although that time has been far, far too short.

 

May the pleasant insanity of this forum beckon you back from time to time, just so that you may have release from the insanity that pervades the 'real' world.

 

Fare well and Godspeed.

[Thralni]

We haven't always seen eye to eye on the topic of Sumerian grammar, but nonetheless, I'm sad to see you go. I understand your motives, and it was for the same reasons that I eventually drifted away. Still, I returned (up to some degree, anyway), which gives me hope that we'll see you here in general still for various occasions.

 

For now, I bid you farewell, but I won't say goodbye; I'll say so long.

[Rowen]

If I don't say goodbye then you can't leave. D:

 

But I hope to read what you post in the other parts of the forums. See you at the next release.

[Kelandon]

This goodbye topic makes me kind of want to make a goodbye topic. I think that's some kind of compliment to Slarty.

[keira]

Originally Posted By: Rowen will see you below

See you at the next release.

Ugh, I just realized to get more Minty I will have to *shudder* check a game forum that doesn't begin with "Blades of".

[Nioca]

I suck at goodbyes and farewells, so I'll keep it simple. Farewell, Slartucker, and good luck.

 

(I would have posted sooner, but my life has taken a surprisingly abrupt turn for the hectic.)

[Aoslare]

Thanks everyone for the kind goodbyes! The best to you all.

[WiltedChameleon]

I lurk here a bit (Not always logged on, tend to visit a lot for help or just to read discussions) and you and Dikiyoba always seem to make good posts

 

It will be a bit less awesome around here now

[Seasons of Destiny]

I fear I have spotted this topic a day or two too late... Even though I haven't been around long, I feel that it's right to wish you a kind farewell. I hope your creative topics and projects, like the Everybody Welcome and Needed RP, will live on with the aid of others. Fare thee well...

[The Mystic]

Wow, I leave for a couple of weeks, and an era comes to an end. I'm at a loss as to what to say, Slarty, but from the looks of things, you will be greatly missed.

 

I guess I'll just repeat the message of goodbye and good luck, and say that we'll keep the lights on for you should you decide to return.

[Harehunter]

You guys may think me nuts, but I already miss Slarty.

[Little Fyora]

Originally Posted By: Harehunter

You guys may think me nuts, but I already miss Slarty.

The Soul never dies and stuff.

[Trenton.]

S/he's not dead...

[Actaeon]

But it could be argued that his Spiderweb persona is.

[Trenton.]

He said he will still be here in the game forums

[Actaeon]

Stop being realistic and join us in wailing and gnashing our teeth.