Happy Valentine's Day

[Actaeon]

Fyoras are red, Cryoas are blue...

 

If I was in the least bit clever, I'd have an ending for that. Anyway, my brief search showed no Valentine's Day thread, which I think is a shame. Without getting too lovey dovey, allow me to postulate that singles-awareness-day could, instead, be show-your-appreciation-day.

 

So allow me to express my appreciation for this intelligent, diverse, community. The games are great, but the forums are better.

 

I suppose I'll leave it to the second poster to decide whether this thread should be an airing-of-appreciation (anti-Festivus, if you will), a discussion of the commercialization of affection, or an opportunity to discuss our rather strange romantic culture and gender roles. I guess I'd like to see a little bit of everything.

[Rowen]

I enjoy Valentines's Day. After the 1st of January up until St. Patty's Day there are few holidays that are celebrated nation (U.S.) wide. I find that having a holiday the break the cold of the northwest winters to be welcoming. And just like some holidays this one has been commercialized and carries a preset mind frame of what it is for. Couples.

 

I'm not bothered and never have been by the couples part as I tend to celebrate the holiday a few days after the 14th. Roses are on sale, candy is on sale, all the left over commercialization is on sale after the 15th and I enjoy spending money on it then, not before.

 

As for the coupling part of the holiday, its good that there is a day used the reflect on why people are together.

[Death Knight]

valentines day is always depressing for me. ive never been much into the dating scene and lived a solo-like lifestyle for almost as far as i can tell.

[Alorael at Large]

I've rarely actually managed to spend Valentine's Day doing the usual couple activities like dinner, flowers, swooning, and gazing. Not because I've always been single, mind you. I've been stymied by work, travel, and two notable health emergencies.

 

—Alorael, who likes the holiday anyway. Not because he thinks it's a great one; the idea is good, but the execution is crass and unreasonably demanding. Really he enjoys the Valentine's Day counterculture. He's seen a lot of good action movies in good company thanks to disgust. Sometimes he's even done it with a significant other!

[keira]

Originally Posted By: Death Knight

valentines day is always depressing for me.

This. Nothing like a holiday designed for the taken to gloat over the singles. Not that I'm against them being all taken and showing it off and stuff, it just makes everyone else realize how bleak their alone, loveless life is.

[The Mystic]

Originally Posted By: Death Knight

valentines day is always depressing for me. ive never been much into the dating scene and lived a solo-like lifestyle for almost as far as i can tell.

Same here. I guess it's just as well, considering my dating record.

Originally Posted By: Getting to the Chopper

Edit Reason: Double bonus if the people you'd like to be taken with are doubtlessly necking with their (not-you) other at this very moment.

Then I should get double (if not more) points easily.

[nikki.]

Originally Posted By: Getting to the Chopper

Originally Posted By: Death Knight

valentines day is always depressing for me.

This. Nothing like a holiday designed for the taken to gloat over the singles. Not that I'm against them being all taken and showing it off and stuff, it just makes everyone else realize how bleak their alone, loveless life is.

Oh, humbug. I was talking to a friend earlier, and she pretty much summed up my feelings: You don't have to buy tons of rubbish if you're really against the commercial aspect, but really, it's all just a lovely excuse to tell someone that you care. Are all you people that are against it also against telling people that you care?

And of course, it isn't always nice being single when everybody around you is un-single, but you can feel sad/bitter/wrathful about that on any other day of the year (yes, people who are coupled do have every other day of the year too); it's just nice that there's a day where people who might not normally tell each other they care for one another get to do so.

[Sarachim]

Originally Posted By: Getting to the Chopper

Edit Reason: Double bonus if the people you'd like to be taken with are doubtlessly necking with their (not-you) other at this very moment.

Triple-points if the other is also your best friend. I win at losing at Valentine's day.

[Actaeon]

Having done it both ways, I actually prefer being single on Valentine's Day. In an established relationship, it's not terribly different from an anniversary, birthday, or what have you. When I'm single, I just buy loads of flowers and hand them out to whoever looks like they need them.

[Lilith]

Originally Posted By: Actaeon

Having done it both ways, I actually prefer being single on Valentine's Day.

if you think there are only two ways to do it, no wonder you prefer being single

[Actaeon]

There are many sub-ways within each way, but I think it's reasonable to break it down into a simple dichotomy. Most people complain about being single on Valentine's Day, but it's often the couples that have the worst time with it.

 

(This year I'm taken. I'm not complaining.)

[The Ratt]

I have a 7-page paper due tomorrow at noon and I only have a paragraph-and-a-half done, so even if I wanted to celebrate valentine's day I would be short on time. The paper also explains why I'm on the boards right now.

[The Mystic]

Originally Posted By: Sarachim

Originally Posted By: Getting to the Chopper

Edit Reason: Double bonus if the people you'd like to be taken with are doubtlessly necking with their (not-you) other at this very moment.

Triple-points if the other is also your best friend. I win at losing at Valentine's day.

Then beat this, if you can:

My best friend's sister, in addition to being a very good friend of mine (I've actually known the family for about 20-25 years), is also my ex-girlfriend. She's now happily married; it'll be three years in August. And their daughter's second birthday is in May.

No, I'm not making any of this up. And yes, I already know, ouch.

So what multiple am I up to now?

[Dantius]

[Dintiradan]

Huh. I can't be the only person here who is single and is unperturbed by that fact. I suppose you could argue that I don't know what I'm missing, but still...

 

(Great, now the perturbed singles are gonna feel that I'm gloating over them too.)

 

As for the OP: this year's valentine goes to Bain, JMP, and Tyran. You're all awesome. Dear reader: maybe you can be awesome too?

[A less presumptuous name.]

Originally Posted By: fade out again

Oh, humbug. I was talking to a friend earlier, and she pretty much summed up my feelings: You don't have to buy tons of rubbish if you're really against the commercial aspect, but really, it's all just a lovely excuse to tell someone that you care. Are all you people that are against it also against telling people that you care?

And of course, it isn't always nice being single when everybody around you is un-single, but you can feel sad/bitter/wrathful about that on any other day of the year (yes, people who are coupled do have every other day of the year too); it's just nice that there's a day where people who might not normally tell each other they care for one another get to do so.

I had a friend say today that Valentine's Day isn't about being with someone - it's about loving. Whether you're in love with someone or not, you can still love people (in non-romantic ways). Today is just a great excuse to make sure that you let them know.

[Callie]

Because no one mentioned anything to that effect on Facebook, I had no idea it was Valentine's Day.

 

Huh

[Duck in a Top Hat]

At my school on Valentine's day you can pay to have a flower delivered to anyone in the school with your name attached. The name that you give them when you pay, that is, so you can just say whatever fake name (or the name of someone else) and have a flower sent to whoever you want. There were some pretty good pranks with that. And at the end of the day there were fake flower petals all over the floor of the whole school, so that was fun too. I guess it wasn't the worst of days.

[Acky]

I received four flower grams of the kind Duck described...and they were all signed Mister....sadface.

[Cairo Jim]

Originally Posted By: Dintiradan

Huh. I can't be the only person here who is single and is unperturbed by that fact. I suppose you could argue that I don't know what I'm missing, but still...

(Great, now the perturbed singles are gonna feel that I'm gloating over them too.)

As for the OP: this year's valentine goes to Bain, JMP, and Tyran. You're all awesome. Dear reader: maybe you can be awesome too?

No, you're not the only one. I'm in the same boat. In fact I like this boat.

[Frozen Feet]

Around here, we call Valentine's day Friends' day, and it's not quite as specifically romantic occasion.

 

I celebrated by sending Friends' day greetings to everyone I have phone number or IM address of, and everyone on my Facebook friend list. I also sent small presents to four girls I've been seeing, and went on a coffee date with one of them. I was supposed to meet one other friend, but she did not show up and did not reply to my calls. She did apologize later when she caught me on the net, though.

[Alorael at Large]

Once upon a time, I was single, and I was perfectly happy with that. I didn't feel lonely or deficient. Then I met a very nice someone, and we dated, and being in a relationship was excellent. Not all things come to an end other than death, but this did; while it was unhappy all around at the time, I recovered and found that I was once again single and perfectly happy with being single. I'd often heard that you don't know what you're missing until you've had it and lost it, but I found it not to be the case.

 

Of course, that wasn't True Love, which I think is probably a lot harder to get over. My hunch, though, is that people who are comfortable and happy on their own can eventually recover and be relatively happy on their own again, while some people need other people more. EIther way, after spending years and years together with someone loss certainly leaves a permanent mark.

 

I've also known plenty of people who are perpetually romantically entangled, and can't go two weeks between the end of one relationship and the beginning of the next. I don't really understand what the mindset of that is; I would've guessed some kind of introversion/extroversion link, but there are introverts who are always attached and happily unencumbered extroverts.

 

—Alorael, who can't judge wanting a relationship or not wanting one. He will note that it's at least nice not to want and not have. Buddhists are right, freedom from samsara is paradoxically desirable!

[Archaeolagent]

The "serial monogamist" thing has also always mystified me.

[Frozen Feet]

Well, maybe I can shed some light on the phenomenom? At the moment, I'm seeing four girls. Even if I pair up with one of them, it doesn't mean I instantly cut ties with those three others - they'll remain as my friends. If it then turns out things aren't going to work out with girl #1 after all and I feel lonely, it's not a wonder if I pursue any of the remaining three.

 

The line for platonic and romantic interest is not such unbridegable gap as people sometimes make it sound. Sometimes, the only thing keeping two people apart is that they're seeing someone else. (Sometimes, even that doesn't keep them apart, which tends to lead to tragedy or best threesome ever.)

[Randomizer]

Originally Posted By: HOUSE of S

The "serial monogamist" thing has also always mystified me.

It's cheaper than the polygamist thing. Unless all your opposite partners don't mind that you're a cheapskate.

[Alorael at Large]

I also know a woman whose habit, as long as I've known her, has been to have overlapping monogamy. She'll be dating #1, then start dating #2, and only then break up with #1. When she meets #3, #2 has no ground to stand on when complaining, but usually also sees what's coming. That's dating efficiency!

 

—Alorael, who can grasp the thinking that leads to perpetual monogamy. (He's always thought of serial monogamy as the practice of having a series of long, intense relationships without really doing the lower-key dating thing in between.) He just can't quite wrap his mind around the logistics.

[Soul of Wit]

Originally Posted By: Distaff, Crook, and Hammer

I also know a woman whose habit, as long as I've known her, has been to have overlapping monogamy. She'll be dating #1, then start dating #2, and only then break up with #1. When she meets #3, #2 has no ground to stand on when complaining, but usually also sees what's coming. That's dating efficiency!

—Alorael, who can grasp the thinking that leads to perpetual monogamy. (He's always thought of serial monogamy as the practice of having a series of long, intense relationships without really doing the lower-key dating thing in between.) He just can't quite wrap his mind around the logistics.

That's always being in a relationship security is what that is.

[nikki.]

Originally Posted By: Distaff, Crook, and Hammer

I also know a woman whose habit, as long as I've known her, has been to have overlapping monogamy. She'll be dating #1, then start dating #2, and only then break up with #1. When she meets #3, #2 has no ground to stand on when complaining, but usually also sees what's coming. That's dating efficiency!

I was tempted to date somebody like this once, and then I came to my senses. I mean, unless you're supremely confident and are sure that the other person is never going to find somebody better, why would you even bother?

[Sudanna]

. . . Fun for the time being? Relationships are nice whether or not they last.

[nikki.]

Originally Posted By: Thin Gypsy Thief

. . . Fun for the time being? Relationships are nice whether or not they last.

Eh, I guess it's fine for the casual kind of dating, but if you start a relationship by replacing somebody else, the knowledge of that is definitely going to be an issue.

[Alorael at Large]

Many relationships start as replacements for someone else. It's usual to break off the first one before lining up the second, but that's all too often only a token gesture.

 

—Alorael, who could even guess that it's most relationships. He has no idea how to go looking for statistics, but an average of over 2 relationships per person would mean the majority of them are, in some way, replacing.

[aka Ravenwing]

My last relationship was (at first) a sort of a rebound situation, in retrospect. But then it lasted about five years anyway. When that ended, I was hurt, of course, and these are things that don't really stop hurting for a while. But when I'd kind of started getting over that, I came to realize that I needed not only the time I'd had as a single, but even more still. Hence, I haven't really pursued anything since.

 

Not so to say I don't yearn for that sort of thing periodically. Especially as I watch a lot of my high school buddies get married and start families (kinda weird to think about). Just, at my present condition, it seems like I've got a lot of "personal development" to do before complicating my life once again with a romantic relationship.

[Actaeon]

Originally Posted By: Headologize This!

(He's always thought of serial monogamy as the practice of having a series of long, intense relationships without really doing the lower-key dating thing in between.) He just can't quite wrap his mind around the logistics.

In addition to the method discussed (prepping your next romance before you finish the old one), some draw their romantic relationships from their friends, which bypasses a good deal of getting to know each other.