Ineffable Wingbolt MMXPERT-seraph of thermodynamics Posted September 20, 2013 Share Posted September 20, 2013 You have suddenly become a Town Guard. An group of adventurers just stole some random junk. What will you do? Aran 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magnificent Ornk Student of Trinity Posted September 20, 2013 Share Posted September 20, 2013 (This seems to be a misleadingly titled thread. Or at least bait-and-switch. Anyway.) Am I going to die for random junk? Heck, no. I know what these adventurers are like. First of all, in order to beat them, I have to kill every last one of them before any of them makes it to the town gates. Otherwise they'll come back in about ten seconds, all juiced up again. And will I have time, while they're gone, to rally the townspeople in defense against these brazen criminals? No, I will not. Talk about apathetic citizenry. These merchants and loafers just do the same things they always do, no matter what happens. Half of them are only here to suck up to adventurers, anyway, to get ten rat tails or a bottle of wine for uncle Ted or something. They don't pay me enough to fight adventurers. Do they even pay me at all? And then even if I do manage to wipe the whole party of adventurers all out, you know what will happen? Nothing, that's what. There'll be a bright flash, and suddenly I'll be back again, dealing with them again as if the fight never happened, except now they'll know all about my healing potion, in advance. I know, because ol' Captain Darbo told me about it, before he died of the shakes. At night I often think about it. Will there be a bright flash for me, when I die? Will I respawn somewhere nice? Or will it just end? springacres, keira, lampshade and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hatchling Cockatrice Alorael at Large Posted September 20, 2013 Share Posted September 20, 2013 It's times like this I wish that money wasn't so tight. Time was practically every town could afford an instant death node or script to deal with adventurers running amuck. Now we're lucky if town guards even get to be especially powerful monsters. Heck, I heard that last year a town a few leagues to the north got completely wiped out just because some adventurers wanted the experience. Yeah, they shoplifted just to pick a fight with guards so they could see what it was like to slaughter 'em. What would I do? Nothing. But I'm taking night classes. I'm learning a little bit of coding myself. And once I modify the scripts, well, watch out! —Alorael, who would personally find a high point and get out his rifle. Nobody, but nobody, touches his skribbane supply! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Understated Ur-Drakon Callie Posted September 20, 2013 Share Posted September 20, 2013 There's no need for fighting: just tell the adventurers about some long forgotten artifact that's hidden in a doomguard fortress somewhere. Those pesky adventurers won't return. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rotghroth Rhapsody The Reverend Posted September 20, 2013 Share Posted September 20, 2013 Those adventurers really aren't very smart. They steal anything that's left on the ground, but then they leave their own things on the ground and just assume that they will be there when they come back for them Whenever I see those adventuring scum come to town, I discretely follow them until they drop something, and then sneak over and grab it. Whether or not I witnessed them stealing anything. Practically all the stuff they "own" is stolen property - either from townsfolk, or from poor little monsters who just wanted to be left alone and have a dungeon to call their own. So, really all I'm doing is seizing their stolen goods. Which is well within my purvue as an official representative of the law enforcement authority of the Kingdom of Avernum. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Easygoing Eyebeast Xaiya Posted September 20, 2013 Share Posted September 20, 2013 I was never quite certain why I was standing there. Day in, day out, one little square and the name "Guard" defined my life. Before, there was nothing. After? I had no clue. Occasionally a group of adventurers would walk up to me, but I would have nothing interesting to say. I'm not even sure what was so uninteresting about it--all I know is that it was nothing worth outputting. One day, I detected a theft which a group of adventurers committed. Everything changed. I walked out of my spot for, as far as I know, the first time in my life. I walk up to them, and I instinctively attack. All too soon, I finally discover what really comes after the life of a town guard... Nothing. Not even a corpse is left; nothing shows that I even existed besides the various items which have probably already been sold to some obscure merchant. Trenton. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Easygoing Eyebeast Triumph Posted September 20, 2013 Share Posted September 20, 2013 This thread has made my day 20% cooler. keira and Tyranicus 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hatchling Cockatrice Randomizer Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 You wonder why there is so much ale and wine in town? Even though the wine will make you blind, it helps with dealing with them adventurers. A bunch of thieves, that's what they are. Always poking into every nook, corner, and container to see what they can steal. Makes drinking a relief until they steal one too many items and we have to go to work. We don't get paid enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hatchling Cockatrice Alorael at Large Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 Okay, yeah. Hawthorne's Assassins come back from wherever they went and take something, I'm not getting in the way. Hell, they earned it ten times over. And I bet even at however old they are now they could still turn me into a fine red mist before I could even take a step. If the Shade-Killers want to pick the town clean, I say more power to them. Place wouldn't even be standing if they hadn't done what they did. If the Horde Triad Slayers come by, I'd give 'em the clothes off my back with a smile and ask for their autographs. But you? Some level two punks strutting around like they own the place? Buddy, I have a long, sharp lesson for you today. —Alorael, who finds this interestingly more motivating than post-zombie fiction. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magnificent Ornk Aran Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 You have suddenly become a Town Guard. An group of adventurers just stole some random junk. What will you do? STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM adc., Trenton. and The Loquacious Lord Grimm 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magnificent Ornk Kelandon Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 As a town guard, I find it oddly comforting that whenever something goes wrong in the town, I'm not the one who has to deal with it. So my crime tolerance is such that I usually let those adventurers steal a thing or two. They're going to have to fight shades/invading monsters/rebels/who knows what soon enough. And unless it's a really big and special fight, I'm probably not going with them. I'm staying right here. And if I'm lucky, I'll be a recurring character in the next game or two. (This reminds me a little of Nobody's Heroes, the point of which is that you play as NPCs who want to be PCs.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chittering Clawbug Val Ritz Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 Adventurers. Feh. Nothing but snot-nosed brats with a couple of screws loose thinking that just because they killed some bandits or drove off some vampires they have free reign to start banditing themselves. Granted, some of them are smart. For example, some of them are me. They get one too many battle wounds, one too many clocks to the head by an undead, one too many arrows whistling their way, and they think about what's really important in life. So, the next time some uppity adventurer with a dinged-up steel sword he can barely swing that still has the stench of death on it from the tomb he looted it from, I pull a Daedric arrow from a very special quiver at my side and just say one thing to remind them of how quickly things can change. Just a few words. "I used to be an adventurer like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee..." yarrmateys, Aran and Triumph 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Easygoing Eyebeast Trenton. Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 Every day is a new day in the life of a guard. Even though you have no idea what day it is when all you really do is stand in the same spot day after day after DAY AFTER WEEK AFTER YEAR. Of course, I WOULD jump at the chance to gut some adventurers, since the only pastime is sniping the occasional slime that wanders too close to the city. And so, I go and swing my sword at the nephilim first being the racist Krizan Douche that I am, only to be obliterated by two Kill spells and a Wound thrown in my face. I then proceed to follow them around as a shade, making annoying noises until they die. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Easygoing Eyebeast keira Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 "Talk: No response." nikki., Aran, Tyranicus and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ineffable Wingbolt MMXPERT-seraph of thermodynamics Posted September 22, 2013 Author Share Posted September 22, 2013 This thread. Is made out. Of concentrated. Win. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Well-Actually War Trall Cairo Jim Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 I am... ...not a town gaurd I use.... Burma Shave Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magnificent Ornk Aran Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 Oh come on, at least make it rhyme. Adventurers are Naught but trouble They'll surely turn Your town to rubble Unless you clear That awful stubble Burma Shave. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unflappable Drayk adc. Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 Statements--------------------------------------------------------Reasons 1.) Roses are red 1.) Given 2.) Town guards are blue 2.) Town Guard Postulate 3.) In Soviet Russia 3.) Russian Reversal Postulate 4.) Junk steals YOU!!! 4.) Symmetric Property of equality ----- ^^^^^ As stated above, Geometry can be applied to threads to prove that... ------ -Nightwatcher Triumph 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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