Not Sleeping on a Chair in a Hospital Room

[Jerakeen]

Hey guys.

 

I haven't been around the forums much lately. My mom was diagnosed with lung cancer last December, and I've been her caregiver, which hasn't left time for much else.

 

The cancer was too advanced to try for curative treatment, so we've just been focused on keeping her as comfortable as possible. It's been complicated by the fact that the drugs have escalated her mild cognitive and memory problems into full blown dementia.

 

Anyone who's been through this knows how hard it is, especially when someone you love is suffering and doesn't know why. I'm very fortunate in that I had support from family and from government services, but it's still almost more than a person can cope with.

 

So today - or yesterday I guess - her breathing got so bad that I had to call an ambulance. They've admitted her, and will probably transfer her to the palliative care clinic as soon as there's a bed available. Fortunately, this is the hospital where she's been receiving care up to now. They found her a bed in another department for the meantime, and it's very quiet and comfortable.

 

I think it's very likely that she won't be coming home.

 

I don't really know why I'm posting this, except that I'm in this chair in the hospital room, and wide awake even though I haven't slept in 3 days, and I guess I just want to say that these forums have been a welcome distraction for me throughout this period - a little touch of normalcy in what has become a very surreal existence. I do check in at least once a day, even if I don't post.

 

So thanks, I guess. I'm going to try to get some sleep now.

 

Good night.

[Randomizer]

I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. Make sure you do get some sleep since I know what it's like trying to get by on 4 hours sleep taking care of my ill mother.

 

You might ask if there is an alternative medicine your mother can take that doesn't have as many bad side effects.

[Lilith]

 

My maternal grandmother, the only grandparent I knew, died of pancreatic cancer when I was 11. The doctors told her she had 12 months, and told us she had 6 months. She lasted a little under 5 months. I can only hope that my own parents have another good 15 or 20 years left.

 

Take care of yourself.

[Tyranicus]

I'm so sorry, Jerakeen.

[Student of Trinity]

I'm very sorry to hear this sad news. Everyone dies, but this sounds like one of the harder ways to do it. Your care will have made an incredible difference to your mother, though, even if her brain hasn't been in shape to let you know this. It's a lot easier to face hard things when you're not alone.

 

I think maybe the surreal thing about death is that it's all too real. It's so different from life as we get used to it, yet when it comes it doesn't go away. It can make everything else — everything — seem fake.

 

But even silly things like computer games, and message boards about them, are actually real, too, at least in their way. If we've helped you at all in coping with some hard parts of the rest of reality, then that's really great. Thanks for letting us know.

[Ohsky]

It´s good you let this out of yourself. Most people live life looking to other side when it comes to facing illnesses. Personally, i think it´s all there for you to grow up spiritually. As the toughest thing we have to face is the irremediable loss of loved ones due to natural death. But, what we have to learn there is to let them go, it´s god´s destiny. Our refusal will be our pain. Easy to say, hard, very hard to endure and doing it.

 

As Trinity said; facing things like this makes you wide awake of the fact on how fake it is the societies we live in, how widespread is the dehumanization of this human race, where all is about money, power, and sex. How little anything around you have to do with real life, the real fact of death, and the mortality of the human body. People seems to live as if they were to live forever, that´s the first mistake that makes so many people overt sociopaths who don´t care about anything, much less about trying to understand the meaning of illnesses, and death.

 

Computer games are not silly things, they can be very useful on keeping your sanity when your surroundings are insane. Moreover, you come here and have people and friends who are willing to listen, due to those "silly games".

 

To underestimate gaming is what most try to use against you as a shaming tactic: life is not what others make of it, it´s what you live even if you (and others) fiercely dislike it.

[Dikiyoba]

Best wishes to you and your mother, Jerakeen. I know it's a hard place to be in. Remember to take care of yourself too (although since you're checking in on these forums, you probably don't need this reminder).

 

Dikiyoba.

[nikki.]

 

as everybody else has said, take care of yourself. J. best wishes to you and your family.

[Goldengirl]

I'm glad that you've been able to find a community here among us, with all the attendant benefits that that holds. I know it can't be easy, but I'm glad we could help make it a little easier.

[Aran]

Sorry to hear that. Virtual hugs if you want them.

[Death Knight]

This is just horrible and Im so sorry about your mom's situation. I can't stand reading about death nowadays. We lost a family friend 3 weeks ago, then my beloved family dog only 9 years old a week ago. Its just crap.

 

Jerakeen, the best thing you can do with the situation are 2 things.

 

-You can never forget the good times with said person. Good memories can save your life.

-You can make new memories in future that will allow you to cope/appreciate the old ones even morseo.

 

If you are doing what you said to help, then she is lucky to have you. Good people are hard to come by and you are one of them.

[Alorael at Large]

I'm so sorry about your mother. I don't have any other comfort to offer.

 

—Alorael, who is sure you're sick of advice and aphorisms. It's terrible. That's about it.

[Trenton.]

Prayers to your mother, Jerakeen. I have no idea what religion you are, but know that I will be rooting for your mother in every way.

[Jerakeen]

Thanks everyone, I appreciate your kind thoughts. Really.

[Mosquito---Slayer]

I am very sorry to hear that. May God give you strength to tide over this rough time.

[Jerakeen]

Well, my mother passed away on Wednesday evening. The whole family was there, and everyone had a chance to say goodbye. I guess if you have to die of cancer, that's the way to do it: surrounded by loved ones, without much pain, and peaceful at the end. We are so grateful to the nurses for everything they did to make her more comfortable.

 

We had the wake on Friday, and it was exactly the kind of party she would have enjoyed; loud and boisterous, with impromptu games of Euchre and Aggravation, and a rousing rendition of her favorite song —

 

This year has been pretty tough so far, but I'm reminded how lucky I am to have my family. As messed up as we are, we're always there for each other, even if we don't see each other for years. Value your siblings, people, they're the only ones who really know where you're coming from.

 

And kids, don't smoke.

[MMXPERT-seraph of thermodynamics]

I wish I could feel exactly as you do so I could say the right responce, as my uncle is diying, but not my mother.

 

He has a defective liver, and he was waiting for several months for someone to find him a replacement. When a guy died in a car accident and he finally got the chance, the late guy's wife reckoned that taking one organ from her dead husband is not worth saving a life, and so my uncle waited until it was too late.

 

Now he sits at his home awaiting the end, he will die in a few months at most.

 

 

Anyway, enough about that.

 

I only wish you to enjoy life to the fullest, despite your loss.

[Lilith]

[Rowen]

Jerakeen, I had the opportunity to watch my mother die of glandular cancer nearly nine years ago. Words always fall short, but I hope you not to get lost in the oncoming months/years.

[Prince of Kitties]

Jerakeen - I'm trying to think of things to say, and they all seem inadequate. Losing someone that close is horrible. I'm truly sorry.

[Jerakeen]

Thank you. Yes it is horrible, even when you know it's coming. I'm still not used to thinking of her as gone. Though we're past the initial catharsis of emotion, I expect things to get weirder for a while now. Just have to roll with it.