Ineffable Wingbolt Tirien Posted August 26, 2010 Share Posted August 26, 2010 A.K.A - The crazy person thread. Post all your conspiracy theories here. That way other threads dont get hijacked with the insanity of 76.3% of us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hatchling Cockatrice Alorael at Large Posted August 26, 2010 Share Posted August 26, 2010 It's all one conspiracy masquerading as a multitude to throw us off the trail! —Alorael, who in any case rejects the lot of them, or it. It's just a theory, after all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magnificent Ornk Dikiyoba Posted August 26, 2010 Share Posted August 26, 2010 Conspiracies were better in the old days, and Dikiyoba is in before the secret order of locksmiths carry out step 103 of their plan for world domination. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chittering Clawbug Ezrah, Kitty of Wonder. Posted August 26, 2010 Share Posted August 26, 2010 my own person pet conspiracy is the dischordian conspiracy... their goal is to sow confusion, and chaos, for it is the natural state of things... the way the world is, it looks like the corporate heads are all dischordians, passing down nonsensical edicts and orders... doing ineffectual, counterproductive, and counter intuitive things... however... this'd make far too much sense for any discordian, and would be far too expected... hence it becomes less likely... but is it...? the fact that I'm thinking this makes their plan to do nothing make as much sense as the plan to do something! And so the discordians sit, doing nothing, or something, obfuscating both their role, or whether they have a role at all... ah the inconclusiveness of it all, er, I mean the humanity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Easygoing Eyebeast The Mystic Posted August 26, 2010 Share Posted August 26, 2010 Originally Posted By: Dikiyoba the secret order of locksmiths carry out step 103 of their plan for world domination. If anyone wants to take over the world, it's impossible; I already did. As for my conspiracy theories, I can't share any without being found out by "them." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ineffable Wingbolt Tirien Posted August 26, 2010 Author Share Posted August 26, 2010 Originally Posted By: The Mystic If anyone wants to take over the world, it's impossible; I already did. Thats just what "they" want you to think. Me, im putting my money on Jeff Vogel taking over the world. At the very least, he controls spiderweb software.....or does he?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Easygoing Eyebeast The Mystic Posted August 26, 2010 Share Posted August 26, 2010 Originally Posted By: Tirien Originally Posted By: The Mystic If anyone wants to take over the world, it's impossible; I already did. Thats just what "they" want you to think. Actually, I've been ruling the world from the back of a van since 1994. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ineffable Wingbolt Tirien Posted August 26, 2010 Author Share Posted August 26, 2010 That just shows how good "they" are at messing with your head. "They", in case you dont know, are leprechauns! Beware of the skittles. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Easygoing Eyebeast Enraged Slith Posted August 26, 2010 Share Posted August 26, 2010 The internet is a giant conspiracy to sell porn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ineffable Wingbolt Tirien Posted August 26, 2010 Author Share Posted August 26, 2010 Actually, its not really a conspiracy, since 95% of people who know about the internet already know that. The remaining 5% think its a conspiracy to make us THINK that its a giant conspiracy to sell porn. What can I say? The internet makes everyone paranoid.....wait...That must be the real conspiracy!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magnificent Ornk Student of Trinity Posted August 26, 2010 Share Posted August 26, 2010 I must now lock this thread, for revealing too much! It is now locked! If by chance I should forget to actually lock it, this could only be because I am tired and forgetful. By no means would I leave it open after saying I was locking it, in order to lend credence to its false diversionary conspiracy theories, and so protect the truth from being discovered. No, I would never do that. That would be ridiculous. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Easygoing Eyebeast Dintiradan Posted August 26, 2010 Share Posted August 26, 2010 fnord Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ineffable Wingbolt Tirien Posted August 26, 2010 Author Share Posted August 26, 2010 I think I know why he threw a puppy at Hell's Angels now! Two words. Puppy Grenade. Insanity is always entertaining. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rotghroth Rhapsody RCCCL Posted August 26, 2010 Share Posted August 26, 2010 Originally Posted By: Tirien That way other threads dont get hijacked with the insanity of 76.3% of us. There's a reason that the traditional welcome to these forums is "Leave your sanity at the door," you can't stop the hijacking of any one thread. There may be a conspiracy involved in this fact. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ineffable Wingbolt Tirien Posted August 26, 2010 Author Share Posted August 26, 2010 Now that I think about it, I never did get that welcome. Then again, I force-fed my sanity to a garden gnome, so it doesnt really matter. ....Right? Hmm....wasnt there a garden gnome conspiracy awhile back? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Well-Actually War Trall Khoth Posted August 26, 2010 Share Posted August 26, 2010 There actually aren't any major conspiracies. Any time an organisation tries one, the Shadow World Government steps in to prevent it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magnificent Ornk Aran Posted August 26, 2010 Share Posted August 26, 2010 Originally Posted By: Tirien Post all your conspiracy theories here. That way other threads dont get hijacked with the insanity of 76.3% of us. Those numbers are suspiciously precise. Where did you get that data? You're watching us, aren't you? I know you're watching us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ineffable Wingbolt Tirien Posted August 26, 2010 Author Share Posted August 26, 2010 Originally Posted By: Arancaytrus Originally Posted By: Tirien Post all your conspiracy theories here. That way other threads dont get hijacked with the insanity of 76.3% of us. Those numbers are suspiciously precise. Where did you get that data? You're watching us, aren't you? I know you're watching us. Actually, its off by .000000523%... And the only one im watching is myself. I just know im plotting something... All I need to do is catch myself doing it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rotghroth Rhapsody Thaluikhain Posted August 26, 2010 Share Posted August 26, 2010 I think its suspicious that people say "conspiracy theory", not "conspiracy hypothesis". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magnificent Ornk Student of Trinity Posted August 26, 2010 Share Posted August 26, 2010 You're right, of course. And in fact this is the key insight. Welcome to the true Inner Circle of conspirascenti. Your official T-shirt and decoder ring are in the mail. You should receive them within six to eight weeks, unless They should happen to interfere. So, if you still haven't gotten your ring two months from now, act accordingly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unflappable Drayk The Loquacious Lord Grimm Posted August 26, 2010 Share Posted August 26, 2010 The true one-world government took control by conspiring to make us waste our time by coming up with ridiculous conspiracies. They just stepped into the power void after that. I know: I reverse-hacked my lawn gnome. _________________________ The Silent Assassin is the lead figure in a conspiracy to ensure that every person on earth gets pied at least once in their lifetime. The other members of this conspiracy, that I have observed, are the cat, our mailman, and a shady character from down the street who calls himself JoJo the Clown. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hatchling Cockatrice Alorael at Large Posted August 26, 2010 Share Posted August 26, 2010 Originally Posted By: Dintiradan fnord Please do not make blank posts. —Alorael, who believes in the conspiracy of RWG. But RWG is closed, you say? Exactly! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magnificent Ornk Student of Trinity Posted August 26, 2010 Share Posted August 26, 2010 Okay, let's get serious now. The conspiracy can't be too small, or that's no fun. If there's a secret conspiracy just to raise the price of a Grande Chai Latte by 6 cents, I just can't get excited. So it has to be a big deal. But it can't be too big, or there's no point in talking about it, because it's obviously big enough to have faked any possible piece of evidence you could discover. This was kind of the flaw in my intergalactic molecular entity conspiracy; I'm glad it was only a caffeine hallucination. And if it wasn't, well, we may as well admit that we have no chance to out-think such a monstrously trans-human intellect, and decide to think and act as though it was. So somewhere in the middle is the sweet spot, of conspiracies big enough to be interesting, but small enough to be worth worrying about. Just how big is this, do you think? Should we be worrying about the oil companies, or e-mail, or the NSA, or what? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Easygoing Eyebeast Triumph Posted August 26, 2010 Share Posted August 26, 2010 Turnips. Clearly vegetation with such an abstruse name as "turnip" has deeper significance. Their presence throughout the world is also suspicious. I don't mean, comrades, that the bulbous bulbs themselves are conspirators, but rather that they are accessories to conspiracy. Perhaps They encode information or messages of some variety into the DNA or flesh of the turnip. These turnips are then loaded onto trucks and shipped off. Seemingly, this only to get to produce markets, but along the way if a few bits of flora happen to "fall off the turnip truck?" I contend this is not a mere proverbial saying, but rather a subtly disguised way of conveying the info-loaded turnips to their conspiratorial recipients. But what are they conspiring about? Alas, I do not know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Easygoing Eyebeast Dantius Posted August 26, 2010 Share Posted August 26, 2010 Originally Posted By: Student of Trinity So somewhere in the middle is the sweet spot, of conspiracies big enough to be interesting, but small enough to be worth worrying about. Just how big is this, do you think? Should we be worrying about the oil companies, or e-mail, or the NSA, or what? It has to be large enough that it has influence but small enough that no one will spill the beans and destroy the conspiracy. So the maximum possible size depends on the influence of the people themselves. Of course, you don't actually have to know about the conspiracy to forward its claims, so you could have a few elites at a company in on the conspiracy and a few thousand "supporters" of the conspiracy. Of course, as size increases, the chance of discover by accident or investigation ALSO increases. This sounds suspiciously like some kind of differential equation. Math people who are less lazy than me, get on this. However, taking a SWAG at the problem, I'd say that it would be risky to have more than ~20 in the inner circle and at most a few thousand furthering things indirectly. So maybe about 2000? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ineffable Wingbolt Tirien Posted August 26, 2010 Author Share Posted August 26, 2010 Originally Posted By: Student of Trinity So somewhere in the middle is the sweet spot, of conspiracies big enough to be interesting, but small enough to be worth worrying about. Just how big is this, do you think? Should we be worrying about the oil companies, or e-mail, or the NSA, or what? This is why I dont use email. They can stalk you through it. They are also willing to use turnips as weapons of mass destruction. They are going to target us next. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Well-Actually War Trall Synergy Posted August 26, 2010 Share Posted August 26, 2010 How about some conspiracy facts for the conspiracy agnostics in our midst? -S- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chittering Clawbug Ezrah, Kitty of Wonder. Posted August 26, 2010 Share Posted August 26, 2010 A real scientific agnostic knows there are very few real facts! Which makes me recall another conspiracy, the one by the militant atheist to make the empirically minded look like jackasses! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Understated Ur-Drakon Sudanna Posted August 26, 2010 Share Posted August 26, 2010 The religious do that too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chittering Clawbug Ezrah, Kitty of Wonder. Posted August 26, 2010 Share Posted August 26, 2010 everyone is out to get us, can't they just take "I don't know, yet?" for an answer?! ;.; Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ineffable Wingbolt Tirien Posted August 26, 2010 Author Share Posted August 26, 2010 No, but they can take a turnip to the face for an answer. Just make sure theres a grenade in it before throwing it. If conspiracy theories relied on facts, it wouldnt be a conspiracy theory. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Easygoing Eyebeast Goldengirl Posted August 26, 2010 Share Posted August 26, 2010 Originally Posted By: RCCCL Originally Posted By: Tirien That way other threads dont get hijacked with the insanity of 76.3% of us. There's a reason that the traditional welcome to these forums is "Leave your sanity at the door," you can't stop the hijacking of any one thread. There may be a conspiracy involved in this fact. The fluffy turtles will have to dispose of you shortly. The generation of all of these conspiracy theories keeps the world oblivious to their iron-grip on our minds. I have said too much! I fear for my saf... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ineffable Wingbolt Tirien Posted August 27, 2010 Author Share Posted August 27, 2010 Originally Posted By: Goldenking The fluffy turtles will have to dispose of you shortly. The generation of all of these conspiracy theories keeps the world oblivious to their iron-grip on our minds. I have said too much! I fear for my saf... I call dibs on his throne! Fluffy turtles make good soup, you know. Mmmmm turtle soup.... Anyone know who I can sell his throne for some quick cash? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rotghroth Rhapsody RCCCL Posted August 27, 2010 Share Posted August 27, 2010 No eating of the Fluffy Turtles! They won't allow it. Your in danger now! Goldenking wasn't kidding. Run ! Hide! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ineffable Wingbolt Tirien Posted August 27, 2010 Author Share Posted August 27, 2010 They wont allow me to eat them, but I could always sic some lawers on them instead. That should work good enough. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conspiracy_theory Since this is from wikipedia, it is part of a conspiracy to throw us off the trail of the real conspiracy involving garden gnomes, turnips, turtles, and Windex. Cant belive I forgot about Shamwow being part of the conspiracy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Well-Actually War Trall The Ratt Posted August 28, 2010 Share Posted August 28, 2010 A new conspiracy. Your boss is sexist. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ineffable Wingbolt Tirien Posted August 28, 2010 Author Share Posted August 28, 2010 What if your self-employed? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Well-Actually War Trall Niemand Posted August 28, 2010 Share Posted August 28, 2010 Quote: What if your self-employed? Aha! A secret cabal is stealing the ends of sentences! (It seems that they cleverly leave the final punctuation behind, though, to camouflage their activities.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Easygoing Eyebeast Goldengirl Posted August 28, 2010 Share Posted August 28, 2010 Originally Posted By: Niemand Quote: What if your self-employed? Aha! A secret cabal is stealing the ends of sentences! (It seems that they cleverly leave the final punctuation behind, though, to camouflage their activities.) Indeed. However, through great bravery on my part, I have retrieved the rest of the sentence from the depths of the foe's machinery, and bring it now to you now, in its restored form. "What if your self-employed citizens catch on to the implants actually being mind control devices?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ineffable Wingbolt Tirien Posted August 28, 2010 Author Share Posted August 28, 2010 That is not Goldenking, the real Goldenking was killed by fluffy turtles if I recall correctly. Thus, that was either Elvis or Zombie Goldenking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Well-Actually War Trall A less presumptuous name. Posted August 29, 2010 Share Posted August 29, 2010 Elvis lives in my basement, so unless he hacked my wireless, it was Zombie Goldenking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rotghroth Rhapsody RCCCL Posted August 29, 2010 Share Posted August 29, 2010 Originally Posted By: Master1 Elvis lives in my basement, so unless he hacked my wireless, it was Zombie Goldenking. Hate to break this to you, but Elvis has been sneaking out at times. I saw him just last week. He denied it though, no matter how adamant I was. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ineffable Wingbolt Tirien Posted August 29, 2010 Author Share Posted August 29, 2010 Are you sure that wasnt his clone? He did fake his death AND make a clone at the same time you know.... Crap I wasnt supposed to say that. Ignore everything I just said/typed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rotghroth Rhapsody RCCCL Posted August 29, 2010 Share Posted August 29, 2010 Don't clones usually try to claim the identity for themselves. This Elvis kept trying to deny who he was, but I knew, I knew. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Easygoing Eyebeast keira Posted August 29, 2010 Share Posted August 29, 2010 UVB-76. Discuss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rotghroth Rhapsody RCCCL Posted August 29, 2010 Share Posted August 29, 2010 Well, Wiki provided this, Quote: Another hypothesized explanation for the constant buzzer is for testing a high-frequency Doppler method for ionosphere research, in which radio waves are reflected from ionosphere inhomogeneities. This method involves comparing a continuous radio transmission which is reflected by the ionosphere with a stable basic generator. The continuously transmitted carrier frequency currently used for this research matches that of the UVB-76 (4.625 MHz). This seems a perfectly logical explanation to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Well-Actually War Trall A less presumptuous name. Posted August 29, 2010 Share Posted August 29, 2010 Originally Posted By: RCCCL Don't clones usually try to claim the identity for themselves. This Elvis kept trying to deny who he was, but I knew, I knew. The clone actually thinks he's the real Elvis and therefor denies that he is the real Elvis. The only way to tell them apart is to look at the telomere length (is that right?). The one with shorter telomeres (I think this is the word, but it's been a while) is the clone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Well-Actually War Trall Niemand Posted August 29, 2010 Share Posted August 29, 2010 Be careful applying this test; clever conspirators may subvert it by artificially lengthening the telomeres in the material used to generate the clone. This can cause the clone to have telomeres of about the same length as the original, making them difficult to distinguish, or longer, leading to incorrect conclusions about which is the original. This counter-measure has become more common recently due to the widespread use in commercial settings of basic techniques to detect clone infiltrators. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ineffable Wingbolt Tirien Posted August 29, 2010 Author Share Posted August 29, 2010 Thats when you throw them all down into a pit and tell them to fight to the death. The clones always lose. Unless their all clones, of course. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Well-Actually War Trall A less presumptuous name. Posted August 29, 2010 Share Posted August 29, 2010 Originally Posted By: Niemand Be careful applying this test; clever conspirators may subvert it by artificially lengthening the telomeres in the material used to generate the clone. This can cause the clone to have telomeres of about the same length as the original, making them difficult to distinguish, or longer, leading to incorrect conclusions about which is the original. This counter-measure has become more common recently due to the widespread use in commercial settings of basic techniques to detect clone infiltrators. Yes, but Elvis' clone was made at the same time as Elvis' supposed death, so I can be confident in my findings. Furthermore, Elvis has been in my basement since that time, so I know that no modern clones exist. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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