Uninvented Products/Services

[Mod.]

Speech class is k illing me. Now I need an uninvented product service and I got nothing from brainstorming all week. Need a speech outline by tuesday, don't even have my topic yet. Can anyone spare any good ideas?

[The Ratt]

Cat-powered airplane. And yes I mean housecats.

[Dantius]

Originally Posted By: Mod.

Speech class is k illing me. Now I need an uninvented product service and I got nothing from brainstorming all week. Need a speech outline by tuesday, don't even have my topic yet. Can anyone spare any good ideas?

Do you need an uninvented product, an uninvented service, or an uninvented product/service that are related in some way?

I'm guessing that since this is for school, thinking of school services that would affect you would probably make it easier to connect with your audience. Every students have complaints with the school system. Try thinking of products or services that could alleviate someone's concern with the system.

For example (I'm not sure if this is still the case), back when I was in school, I had to buy my own textbooks, which inevitably had criminally high prices- often well above $500 to $1000 every year! Of course, we now have iPad's and Kindles that can be bought for significantly less, so what if you provided a service where you partnered with a school bookstore or textbook company to sell students Kindles preloaded with ebooks of their personal course load, which, if bought in bulk, could be far cheaper than the cost of buying new textbooks every year. Some solution to a school problem like that might go over quite well with your teacher, and if you speech and idea is good enough, it might well head up the grapevine to someone who might be able to implement it.

Chew on that for a bit and see if it helps. If you need someone to help revise your outline or draft for you, I'd love to help. I did speech and debate for years back in HS, and I've always been passionate about it.

[Niemand]

What does 'uninvented' mean in this context? Not yet invented (as in you need to make up something which doesn't currently exist), or so basic or longstanding that no particular person can claim to have invented it?

 

If the former, it sounds like this could be a good opportunity to have fun. If what you're to be graded on is your speaking rather than the topic about which you speak, speak passionately about something ridiculous. Extoll the virtues of golf courses for pet cats, hiring someone to follow you around and make excuses when ever you need them, dishes made of lithium with a thin wax coating (all the heft of metal dishes, but drop them into hot water and they literally vanish!), or proxy astronauts, who will go in your place if you're ever drafted to be sent into space.

[Sullust]

A couple of things that came to mind during my eight hour car trip today:

 

i.Windshield Display

 

ii. RFID technology in mile markers (pseudo-gps without satellites).

 

iii. A discrete way to go to the bathroom when in the middle of a traffic jam.

[Dintiradan]

Originally Posted By: Lt. Sullust

iii. A discrete way to go to the bathroom when in the middle of a traffic jam.

Empty bottles. These double as grenade weapons in case you need to locate an invisible assailant.

[Dantius]

A discrete way to go to the bathroom would be uncomfortable, I'd much prefer a continuous way of going to the bathroom. Differentiable would just be icing on the cake!

[Erebus the Black]

Mosquito laser killer, it homes on anything smaller than a baby's finger and shoots it down

DEATH TO ALL MOSQUITOES!!!! BWAHAHA, BWAHAHAHA, BWAHA COUGH COUGH

goddamn it I just swallowed a mosquito

[Lilith]

Originally Posted By: Niemand

If the former, it sounds like this could be a good opportunity to have fun. If what you're to be graded on is your speaking rather than the topic about which you speak, speak passionately about something ridiculous. Extoll the virtues of golf courses for pet cats, hiring someone to follow you around and make excuses when ever you need them, dishes made of lithium with a thin wax coating (all the heft of metal dishes, but drop them into hot water and they literally vanish!), or proxy astronauts, who will go in your place if you're ever drafted to be sent into space.

don't do this. i was that kid who always did this and look how i turned out

[Alorael at Large]

Quick-grown clones who will give speeches for you in case you're terrified of public speaking. Claim to be the product demo.

 

—Alorael, whose first thought was time machine. It's not as good, though.

[Dintiradan]

Originally Posted By: Lilith

Originally Posted By: Niemand

If the former, it sounds like this could be a good opportunity to have fun. If what you're to be graded on is your speaking rather than the topic about which you speak, speak passionately about something ridiculous. Extoll the virtues of golf courses for pet cats, hiring someone to follow you around and make excuses when ever you need them, dishes made of lithium with a thin wax coating (all the heft of metal dishes, but drop them into hot water and they literally vanish!), or proxy astronauts, who will go in your place if you're ever drafted to be sent into space.

don't do this. i was that kid who always did this and look how i turned out

Yeah, be careful when trying to deliver a funny speech in school. There's no tougher crowd than a room full of students.

[A less presumptuous name.]

Originally Posted By: Lt. Sullust

iii. A discrete way to go to the bathroom when in the middle of a traffic jam.

After driving home from Wisconsin, I can heartily agree with this. At one point, we spent 2 hours moving 8 miles around Chicago.

Originally Posted By: Dantius

A discrete way to go to the bathroom would be uncomfortable, I'd much prefer a continuous way of going to the bathroom. Differentiable would just be icing on the cake!

That's just awful

[VCH]

Cat string. Every cat, no matter how old or fat, will respond to string with at least passing interest. Believe me, string has a lot of potential. People already buy balls of fluff for their cat, so string priced at a dollar, and marketed as being cat safe, will sell.

[Randomizer]

Originally Posted By: Dintiradan

Originally Posted By: Lilith

Originally Posted By: Niemand

If the former, it sounds like this could be a good opportunity to have fun. If what you're to be graded on is your speaking rather than the topic about which you speak, speak passionately about something ridiculous. Extoll the virtues of golf courses for pet cats, hiring someone to follow you around and make excuses when ever you need them, dishes made of lithium with a thin wax coating (all the heft of metal dishes, but drop them into hot water and they literally vanish!), or proxy astronauts, who will go in your place if you're ever drafted to be sent into space.

don't do this. i was that kid who always did this and look how i turned out

Yeah, be careful when trying to deliver a funny speech in school. There's no tougher crowd than a room full of students.

I found that out during American government section of history when my group had to write out a proposed law. We did one to protect whales from being hunted in Illinois (no chance of that happening that far inland).

The class hated it, but we got the highest grade for doing it properly.

[Mod.]

Quote:

I found that out during American government section of history when my group had to write out a proposed law. We did one to protect whales from being hunted in Illinois (no chance of that happening that far inland).

I'm pretty sure that whaling is illegal in Oklahoma.


Still trying to brainstorm. Thanks for the help guys.

[The Mystic]

Here's a product idea: Powdered water. Just add water!

[Randomizer]

Originally Posted By: The Mystic

Here's a product idea: Powdered water. Just add water!

Anhydrous water has already been done. As well as structured water and a few other products including ice 9.

[ThirdParty]

Asking your friend out on a first date? Giving an important presentation in class? You need speech insurance.

 

Here's how it works. Before your speech, you submit a planned script and pay a premium of $1.25 per planned minute. Then record your speech. If you flub your lines, forget to make eye contact, accidentally speak in a monotone, fall off the stage, or suffer other calamities during your speech, simply submit the recording for review by claims adjusters. They will compare what you actually said to what you had intended to say, and then pay you compensation of 80% of the estimated cost incurred by each error. Then you can buy a box of chocolates for your friend, slip a quiet bribe to your teacher, or at least feel like the day wasn't a total loss.

 

For a modest additional fee, dependent upon the quality of your script, you can also buy insurance against unexpected audience reactions, such as if they fail to laugh at your jokes or if they do laugh at what was meant to be a serious proposal.

 

If you make a mistake while cooking breakfast and accidentally burn down your house, you'll receive compensation from your fire insurance. If you make a mistake while driving to school and accidentally crash your car, you'll receive compensation from your auto insurance. But the most important part of your day isn't your breakfast or your commute; it's your interactions with other people. If you make a mistake during the important part of the day, and lose a friend or fail a class, won't you want to be compensated for that loss too? Buy speech insurance and enjoy peace of mind.

 

(As a bonus, being insured against possible mistakes will make you more relaxed and less likely to make those mistakes in the first place. It's win-win!)

[RCCCL]

GPS Item Locaters, attach one to your keys or remote and the nexttime you can't find them log into the service and they'll pinpoint them within 6 inches. I know many, many people who'd benefit from this.

[Karoka]

Filtering water bottle! Shake up the water in the bottle, and within minutes, it will be filtered! The dirt will come out at the bottom, just like how waste comes out of our bottom! Now you can safely drink rain, ocean water, and other sources of filthy water!

[A less presumptuous name.]

Originally Posted By: Karoka

Filtering water bottle! Shake up the water in the bottle, and within minutes, it will be filtered! The dirt will come out at the bottom, just like how waste comes out of our bottom! Now you can safely drink rain, ocean water, and other sources of filthy water!

Those have been done for years now.

[Alorael at Large]

But a bottle that could filter out salt would actually be a huge money-maker given the current availability of seawater.

 

—Alorael, who isn't so sure rain belongs in your advertisement. As water goes, rain's pretty safe. It helps to be far from urban centers and it can't hurt to boil it, but rain's pretty good.

[Karoka]

But rain catches the pollution in the air, so rainwater is about as dirty as the air is. If your in the city, drinking it would not be advisable by Dr. Karoka (who hasn't even started high school yet).

[Dantius]

Originally Posted By: X-treme Justice!

—Alorael, who isn't so sure rain belongs in your advertisement. As water goes, rain's pretty safe. It helps to be far from urban centers and it can't hurt to boil it, but rain's pretty good.

Duh! That's why I only drink only distilled rainwater, and pure grain alcohol!

[Alorael at Large]

If you're distilling it, the source isn't so important anymore. And if it's pure alcohol, the source also isn't very important.

 

—Alorael, who does not drink... water. Or... grain alcohol. He drinks... ellipses.

[Dantius]

Originally Posted By: X-treme Justice!

If you're distilling it, the source isn't so important anymore. And if it's pure alcohol, the source also isn't very important.

—Alorael, who does not drink... water. Or... grain alcohol. He drinks... ellipses.

You obviously... haven't watched enough Kubrick to be able... to recognize Dr. Strangelove quotes...

Put those ellipses in your glass and drink 'em!

[Student of Trinity]

Some of us appreciate the need to avoid diluting the precious bodily fluids.

 

My favorite uninvented product is laser coffee. It's based on two irrefutable premises:

1) We need to make better coffee. Even the best espresso doesn't taste as good as freshly roasted coffee smells.

2) With a good enough laser, you can do anything. (Fundamental theorem of quantum optics.)

 

It follows that it must be possible to make better coffee with lasers. Exactly how, I'm not sure. Maybe we simultaneously roast and grind the beans with lasers, reducing them to uniformly sized particles, each perfectly roasted. Then it's probably silly to heat the water with lasers, but we could pump exquistely shaped laser pulses through the brew in order to guide solvation, extracting more good flavors and fewer bad ones. It's a matter of trumping chemistry with physics. Chemistry means electrons hopping around, electrons are electric charges, and laser light is electric and magnetic fields. The principle works, and is called laser catalysis. It's just never been applied to coffee (or anything nearly as complicated) before.

 

The result: ultimate coffee. Laser coffee!

 

The business model is also clear, of course. Starbucks hit the big time by inventing the five dollar cup of coffee. My friends, we will invent the five hundred dollar cup of coffee.

[Dintiradan]

Laser coffee. Just like real coffee.

 

Only with lasers.

[Mod.]

As tempting as laser coffee sounds, I think I am settling with a noise dampening device. Blocks sounds, but doesn't interfere with sounds coming from your direction. Eh, something like that, don't tell me I can just use earplugs or headphones. Problem is now, I need a catchy name for it, and not "Laser Noise Dampener".

[RCCCL]

You should make the Cone of Silence!

[Randomizer]

The CIA goes between denying and admitting that they have a Room of Silence. They tried to have Get Smart taken off the air as a threat to national security for using spy devices that the CIA uses. Of course they couldn't tell the producers which devices were real.

[Karoka]

Ooh! ooh! How about a very small flying mecha-bug?! Then you could have a screen (that obviously isn't attached to it) that shows you what it sees and hears. Then a controller with the following buttons:

 

UP- Forward

DOWN- Backward

RIGHT- Turn Right

LEFT- Turn Left

Side UP- Fly up

Side DOWN- Fly down

 

Center Square- Toggle movement controls (If off, 1st four buttons for land movement. If on, 1st four buttons for flight control.)

[Student of Trinity]

Re laser noise dampener: You could probably pitch it as a variation on the acoustic invisibility cloak (inaudibility cloak?) that has been in the news lately, simply running in reverse. I'm pretty sure there ought to exist such a thing, in principle, because I think that the wave equation for sound has a time reversal symmetry. So if there exists a configuration of baffles and reflectors that holds sound in, there should also exist one which instead keeps sound out.

 

Not quite sure why you'd want this, though. Getting quiet is great, but why is it so critical that other people be able to hear you? Why not just close a door, and then open it if you want to talk to someone?

[The Ratt]

Is your product a soundproof box with a microphone on the inside and the corresponding speaker on the outside? Because that fits your product description.

[Mod.]

No, it allows you to control the direction at which it removes sound. You can chat with someone while listening to music or something, and wont have to worry about noise pollution. It also allows other people to not hear you, if you want to be silent. 30% or europeans experience 55 dB or more of sound at night, more than 30 causes difficulty sleeping, so it can benefit health. You can use it to slower the intensity of sounds so you can still hear things you want to hear, but at a lower volume if needed.

 

Well, don't have time to write an outline for a new product anyway.

 

Edit: Ok, I didn't think I made typos in my first post and I didn't think so in this one either. I think this forum is trying to mess with me. Ill leave the typos there though.

[Drayk Armitage]

Originally Posted By: Randomizer

They tried to have Get Smart taken off the air as a threat to national security for using spy devices that the CIA uses

Citation please

[Dantius]

Originally Posted By: CRISIS on INFINITE SLARTIES

Originally Posted By: Randomizer

They tried to have Get Smart taken off the air as a threat to national security for using spy devices that the CIA uses

Citation please

Well, I just checked the Wikipedia article, and it says:

Originally Posted By: Wikipedia

Devices such as a shoe phone, The Cone Of Silence (which reportedly worried the CIA, because it was too close to an actual device they used) [bold not in original] and inner apartment booby traps were a regular part of most episodes

[Drayk Armitage]

"Worried the CIA" is not the same thing as "The CIA tried to get the entire show taken off the air."

 

Edit: I mean, everything worries the CIA, but they rarely interfere in American bread-and-circus culture.

[Alorael at Large]

What are the odds the CIA had no such device but wanted everyone to worry that it did?

 

—Alorael, who imagines that things that worry the CIA on an operational level usually aren't then freely available as a citable source.

[Randomizer]

I'll have to hunt for the citation since it was in one of three books I packed away in storage on the show.

[Student of Trinity]

I think it may have been a misunderstanding. The CIA spokesman was probably saying something about Get Smart, but for some reason nobody could hear him clearly.

[Skwish-E]

The CIA did not try to get the show taken off the air. The CIA did not worry about anyone finding out about the 'Silent Shroud' project. There was just an interesting correlation between the two. Knowledge of the existence of 'Silent Shroud', though limited to the public, was commonplace in the intelligence community, and did nothing to diminish the effectiveness of the device. It was abandoned due to the difficulties of using it over long distances. The agents got tired of having to constantly repeat themselves when the dampening sounds got out of synch, and usually eventually turned it off to facilitate clear communication at the expense of secure communication.

 

Of course, none of this is true, and it never really happened.

[Erebus the Black]

Originally Posted By: Skwish-E

Of course, none of this is true, and it never really happened.

Or Did It?

[Student of Trinity]

Now they have a version that works online.

[Randomizer]

Originally Posted By: Student of Trinity

Now they have a version that works online.

Now cut that out.

[Alorael at Large]

CoC violation! Ban SoT!

 

—Alorael, who admits that gray is not, technically speaking, a rainbow color. Still, it's dangerously close, and there's a slippery slope down that rainbow...

[Randomizer]

From The Life and Times of Maxwell Smart by Donna McCrohan (1988) on page 172 in an interview with Jeremiah McAward formerly with the CIA:

 

Quote:

I happened to mention to a friend that I would be giving this interview. He had been in the Agency, highly placed, in the Sixties. His reaction was to tell me that Get Smart really had the Agency worried, because the show was getting too close to reality. The were particularly worried about the Cone of Silence, because we pretty much had one, which was supposed to be a secret. He said he remembers several discussions among members of his echelon, as to whether they should go to the producers of Get Smart with a list of things to stay away from. They never did, which is just as well. The list might have turned up spoofed as an episode of Get Smart[/].

 

If I can find the other books, I'll see if I can find another reference. This is from pre-Google days when you have to use real paper books.

[Drayk Armitage]

Is that this guy?

 

("Just retired (8/2009) after 50 trs as a Private Eye. Am writing a memoir re that and attempting to get comfortable with retirement, having failed it once before. I am new at Facebook so please bear with me.")

[Randomizer]

It matches the description of what he did after he left the agency.

[radiojonty]

Originally Posted By: Lt. Sullust

Windshield Display[/url

You can DIY this already - kind of. Get a smartphone and power it by the cigar lighter, then put it on the dash. There's apps that display true speed/compass/GPS info etc on Android/iPhone. For nightdriving some of these apps have a red ink on black display and the option to mirror the display. When put on the dash the display is reflected in the windshield HUD stylee.