Well-Actually War Trall Niemand Posted October 17, 2010 Share Posted October 17, 2010 After substantial rewriting, we have corrected a flaw in the neural newark used for generating the grading system (a problem in our simulation of the sewer system was causing numerical instability), and we are now ready to proceed with the next quiz. I trust that each of you has made careful study of the handout which should have appeared last Wednesday in your toaster, oven, or toaster-oven. For those not familiar with the format of these quizzes (I, II, III, IV), keep in mind that there are three types of questions: multiple choice, short answer, and long answer. Multiple choice questions must be answered with one of the listed choices. Short answer questions require just a word or phrase. Finally, long answer questions usually require several sentences for a complete answer, which should take into account the entire problem as stated. An example from a past quiz may be instructive: Click to reveal.. Question: You have a collapsable cannon. Your goal is to conceal it in the great pyramid. Your other equipment consists of: a camel, 2 capes, some dried peas, a crossbow (loaded), bagpipes (broken), and a chocolate golf club. The pyramid is guarded by fierce demons, a secret submarine base, a shaman, and an albatross. How do you achieve your goal? Sample Answer: First make your camel very angry, so that it is spitting in all directions. Then, send it off toward the other side of the pyramid to distract some of the demons. Then, remove one of the pipes from your bagpipes, and use it as a blow pipe to shoot the remaining demons with dried peas. Then go to the entrance of the secret submarine base. Trick the gaurd into believing that it is Tuesday, and use your cross bow to shoot the switch which opens the armored door into the submarine base through the window. On your way in, reassemble your bagpipes as much as possible. When you get inside, use your crossbow to threaten or shoot anyone who gets to close to you, and theaten to play the bagpipes, bluffing, since the submarine crews do not know that the bagpipes are broken. Knowing that in a large echoing space like the secret submarine dock they could not survive the sound of the bagpipes, the submarine crews will flee. You must then fight the shaman. Wear both of your capes, and as needed, hurl them into the air as distractions when the shaman throws lightening at you. Lure him back to the submarine docks. In your absence, the submarines will have returned to try to trap you. Dodge the shaman's lightning bolts so that they hit and destroy the submarines. Then use your last crossbow bolt to shoot a rope and drop a crate on the shaman; trapping him. You can then continue to the albatross, which you must fight in single combat. You should use any remaining capes and dried peas to distract it, until you can strike a good blow with your chocolate golf club, killing it. You can then hide the cannon. Use the bag from your bagpipe to cover it so that it will not be noticed until too late. Answers will be graded in one week. 1. What sound do fish make? a. Dippty-Dat b. Clunkity-Clunk c. Flippity-Flop d. Pish-Posh e. Gerald 2. A Hungarian sand crab has gotten inside of your favorite sweater. What tool can remove it? a. a cattle prod b. a crowbar c. a tuning fork d. a dry dock e. the Keck telescope 3. Gerald refuses to paint his house blue, but the sky is maroon. What time is it? a. high noon b. nap time c. the end of the world d. 8:03 am e. lunch time 4. Given that Albert is traveling from Chicago to New York at 99 miles per hour, Hubert is throwing couches off of the eleventh floor of the tower, and Norbert will get a 17 on his law examination, is the city safe? a. No, Albert is moving at dangerous speeds. b. No, Norbert will pass the law exam. c. Yes, the barbarian horde is asleep. d. Yes, the lizards have the situation under control. e. Yes, the couches will not trouble it again. 5. Flogbar the Chromanian is attacking in his spaceship. You have only seconds before he is upon you, leaving you only enough time to try using one of your devices to escape or defend yourself. Which one should you use? a. The biplanar transmitter, to overload Flogbar's engines. b. The hyperspatial burrow, to run away. c. The transcendental cannon, to blast Flogbar apart. d. The incomprehensible wedge, hide your ship. e. The reprocessed protein bars, for a snack. 6. You must disguise yourself in order not to be recognized while swimming covertly into Spain. What type of headgear is required? a. a shining gold beanie (with a propellor) b. a hard-hat made of tasty swiss cheese c. an invisible bishop's miter d. a roman legionnaire's helmet e. a baseball cap with a concealed laser cannon 7. You are suffering from withdrawal due to your dental floss addiction. What type of food can alleviate the symptoms? a. Cucumber b. Peanut-butter and mayonnaise sandwiches c. Taiwanese flipper fish d. Old socks e. No food can save you 8. Carl Orf has escaped! What do you do to recapture him? a. Sound the alarm! Let loose the dogs! b. Ignite the oil. c. Throw out the lettuce. d. Call the president. e. Do nothing; the world deserves what it will get. 9. Describe the major points of Eleanor Roosevelt's kinetic theory of hats. 10. Achmed waves his cutlass menacingly. The philistines begin to wake up. You are facing a mutiny on board your airship, high above the camp of the philistine hoard. The engines are overloaded and will explode in just 13 seconds. Using only your trusty radio-swordcane-umbrella, your silly hat, and your toaster oven, how can you get to safety? Bonus: Determine the centroid of thought and calculate the distance from it to the edge of madness. Show all work, with diagrams. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magnificent Ornk Dikiyoba Posted October 17, 2010 Share Posted October 17, 2010 Hooray! Another quiz! 1. What sound do fish make? c. Flippity-Flop 2. A Hungarian sand crab has gotten inside of your favorite sweater. What tool can remove it? a. a cattle prod 3. Gerald refuses to paint his house blue, but the sky is maroon. What time is it? d. 8:03 am 4. Given that Albert is traveling from Chicago to New York at 99 miles per hour, Hubert is throwing couches off of the eleventh floor of the tower, and Norbert will get a 17 on his law examination, is the city safe? b. No, Norbert will pass the law exam. 5. Flogbar the Chromanian is attacking in his spaceship. You have only seconds before he is upon you, leaving you only enough time to try using one of your devices to escape or defend yourself. Which one should you use? b. The hyperspatial burrow, to run away. 6. You must disguise yourself in order not to be recognized while swimming covertly into Spain. What type of headgear is required? e. a baseball cap with a concealed laser cannon 7. You are suffering from withdrawal due to your dental floss addiction. What type of food can alleviate the symptoms? e. No food can save you 8. Carl Orf has escaped! What do you do to recapture him? c. Throw out the lettuce. 9. Describe the major points of Eleanor Roosevelt's kinetic theory of hats. Hat equeals awesome. That is all. 10. Achmed waves his cutlass menacingly. The philistines begin to wake up. You are facing a mutiny on board your airship, high above the camp of the philistine hoard. The engines are overloaded and will explode in just 13 seconds. Using only your trusty radio-swordcane-umbrella, your silly hat, and your toaster oven, how can you get to safety? Dikiyoba will abandon ship and open the umbrella so that Dikiyoba can float down safely. Then Dikiyoba will stick the silly hat on the toaster and loudly proclaim it to be a true work of Art, thus distracting the philistine horde long enough for most of them to be crushed by the engineless airship. After Dikiyoba fights off the few survivors with the swordcane, Dikiyoba will radio for help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burgeoning Battle Gamma Masquerade Posted October 17, 2010 Share Posted October 17, 2010 1. c. Flippity-Flop 2. b. a crowbar 3. c. the end of the world 4. c. Yes, the barbarian horde is asleep. 5. b. The hyperspatial burrow, to run away. 6. d. a roman legionnaire's helmet 7. e. No food can save you 8. a. Sound the alarm! Let loose the dogs! 9. Every hats mass, in relation to its size and air resistance, can directly effect the neuron pathways of the human brain. In theory, a hat with a mass size and air resistance ratio of 12/109/3 (metric measurements only) will increase the workings of human recall functions to the maximum possible level. However inverting the ratio to 109/3/12 will destroy all workings of the brain due to crushing. 10. By manipulating the inner workings of the toaster oven with the point of the radio-swordcane-umbrella you can construct a rudimentary knockout gas bomb, fling this bomb at Achmed and wait for him to become unconcious, once he is out for the counts, give Achmed a makeover by placing your own silly hat onto his head and wearing his inferior silly beanie yourself, take his cutlass and brandish it in a suitably menacing fashion. This should be enough to convince the philistines that you are Achmed and they shall then mutiny against the recovering Achmed instead of you. While the philistines are distracted quickly travel to the balloon section of your airship, insert the tip of the radio-swordcane-umbrella into the emergency release mechanism and open the umbrella, this will cause the balloon section to come away from the motorised hull. Quickly cling onto the balloon section as it floats slowly away from the hull (don't worry the motors are producing enough thrust to keep it gliding for a short amount of time) If the wind is blowing eastward then you will be able to float a safe distance away from the hull of your airship and the camp of philistines before the ship explodes, but if the winds blow northward, southward or westward then i am afraid to say that you are screwed. Bonus: It is impossible to calculate due to the fact that all creatures are mad, with the exception of the platypus Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magnificent Ornk Student of Trinity Posted October 17, 2010 Share Posted October 17, 2010 1. c. Flippity-Flop 2. d. a dry dock Answer e. is a very clever trap, because ordinarily a large telescope would be the only tool an intelligent person would even consider for this task. But the Keck is offline until 2012, while they clean out the Hungarian sand. 3. b. nap time 4. e. Yes, the couches will not trouble it again. 5. d. The incomprehensible wedge, hide your ship. I admit that e. is probably right. But I'd rather use the incomprehensible wedge than be right. 6. c. an invisible bishop's miter The good thing about this disguise is that even if they don't believe you're an invisible bishop, you'll still be invisible. 7. e. No food can save you If you don't eat, nothing gets stuck between your teeth. And a little starvation never hurt anyone. 8. e. Do nothing; the world deserves what it will get. Let the world save itself, for once. Sheesh. 9. Describe the major points of Eleanor Roosevelt's kinetic theory of hats. The simplest application of any kinetic theory is its description of equilibrium in terms of detailed balance. In hat kinetics, the prescription is simply that the number of large flowers and feathers in each direction must balance each other, to prevent the hat from falling out of equilibrium. Stationary non-equilibrium states are possible, in case of wind; and in this case decorations protruding straight up must also be taken into account. Stationary hat kinetics is thus quite non-trivial, but in dramatic contrast to the traditional kinetic theories of Boltzmann and Einstein, Rooseveltian hat kinetics has only a trivial non-equilibrium regime. The hat falls off. 10. Achmed waves his cutlass menacingly. The philistines begin to wake up. You are facing a mutiny on board your airship, high above the camp of the philistine hoard. The engines are overloaded and will explode in just 13 seconds. Using only your trusty radio-swordcane-umbrella, your silly hat, and your toaster oven, how can you get to safety? Use the umbrella to jump safely off into the midst of the hoard, leaving the toaster oven behind to distract Achmed until the ship blows up on him. Blast out lullabies from your radio to put the philistines back to sleep, then select the finest jewels and trophies from their hoard, and conceal them in your hat as you stroll nonchalantly home. Bonus: Determine the centroid of thought and calculate the distance from it to the edge of madness. Show all work, with diagrams. Again, a trick question. The edge of madness is the centroid of thought. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Easygoing Eyebeast Triumph Posted October 17, 2010 Share Posted October 17, 2010 1. What sound do fish make? c. Flippity-Flop d. Pish-Posh Both C and D are equally plausible, depending upon whether they are proletarian fish (then C), or wealthy, aristocratic goldfish (then D). 2. A Hungarian sand crab has gotten inside of your favorite sweater. What tool can remove it? c. a tuning fork To the enlightened, it is clear the tuning fork, C, is the tool of a master sand crab hunter. Plus, for those who like crab, it will make the subsequent eating of the crab a more melodious process. 3. Gerald refuses to paint his house blue, but the sky is maroon. What time is it? e. lunch time This answer, E, exhibits the postmodern nuances of a balanced breakfast of moral relativism, because lunch can technically be eaten a variety of times, and is the clearly the answer the best embodies the transcendent metaphysics of Gerald and Ralph Waldo "Transparent Eyeball" Emerson. 4. Given that Albert is traveling from Chicago to New York at 99 miles per hour, Hubert is throwing couches off of the eleventh floor of the tower, and Norbert will get a 17 on his law examination, is the city safe? d. Yes, the lizards have the situation under control. Intricate research has shown D must be the answer, for given the above conditions, it is unquestionably inevitable that an alliance of monitor lizards and komodo dragons will achieve complete control of the U.N., finally perfecting that awe-inspiring institution and thereby rendering the city safe. 5. Flogbar the Chromanian is attacking in his spaceship. You have only seconds before he is upon you, leaving you only enough time to try using one of your devices to escape or defend yourself. Which one should you use? c. The transcendental cannon, to blast Flogbar apart. While the other devices herein enumerated have the appearance of perspicacity, only the transcendental cannon has been endorsed by a group of 19th century American intellectuals as being environmentally friendly. 6. You must disguise yourself in order not to be recognized while swimming covertly into Spain. What type of headgear is required? d. a roman legionnaire's helmet The Roman legions, having once conquered Spain millenia ago, are no doubt a familiar sight, and therefore adopting their garb is the soundest method of becoming inconspicuous. 7. You are suffering from withdrawal due to your dental floss addiction. What type of food can alleviate the symptoms? e. No food can save you Daily flossing is so incomparably essential to good dental hygiene that no mere food has any hope of superseding it, thus E. 8. Carl Orf has escaped! What do you do to recapture him? a. Sound the alarm! Let loose the dogs! The answer must be A, because then in a single fell swoop we can answer both the widely pondered question of WHO let the dogs out, but also resolve the less-known yet academically pertinent issue of WHY said canines were released. It would also give a convenient excuse for crying "HAVOC!!!!!!!!!!" as you let the dogs slip, which is just too cool to pass up. 9. Describe the major points of Eleanor Roosevelt's kinetic theory of hats. There are an infinite number of points, because every hat is composed of a finite number of lines, each having an inifite number of points. From this, we see that he who is one, is none. 10. Achmed waves his cutlass menacingly. The philistines begin to wake up. You are facing a mutiny on board your airship, high above the camp of the philistine hoard. The engines are overloaded and will explode in just 13 seconds. Using only your trusty radio-swordcane-umbrella, your silly hat, and your toaster oven, how can you get to safety? Clearly, any halfway competent ex-marine sniper would know to use the radio-swordcane-umbrella (or RaSU) to blast Achmed with music from first country music station one can find. A sufficiently loud burst will damage his sense of balance, preventing him from acting against you. This should only occupy two seconds. Ten seconds will be spent reconfiguring the toaster oven into a small, one-time use stargate. At the last second, one jumps off the airship, floating on the umbrella of the RaSU. As one drifts lazily to earth singing "Let's Go Fly a Kite," from Mary Poppins, one continues making the requisite modifications to the toaster oven. When one reaches the ground, the silly hat is PRECISELY the sort of low-brow humor the philistine horde so uncouthly craves, and by tossing it to them, one will buy enough time to activate the stargate, dial the alpha site, salute the sad remains of one's airship using the RaSU, and then dive through the stargate in a dramatic display of pyrotechnics. Bonus: Determine the centroid of thought and calculate the distance from it to the edge of madness. Show all work, with diagrams. Donde donde donde, ciudad de sanfermines. And there's no diagram like an epigram. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Understated Ur-Drakon Callie Posted October 17, 2010 Share Posted October 17, 2010 1. What sound do fish make? e. Gerald 2. A Hungarian sand crab has gotten inside of your favorite sweater. What tool can remove it? e. the Keck telescope 3. Gerald refuses to paint his house blue, but the sky is maroon. What time is it? e. lunch time 4. Given that Albert is traveling from Chicago to New York at 99 miles per hour, Hubert is throwing couches off of the eleventh floor of the tower, and Norbert will get a 17 on his law examination, is the city safe? e. Yes, the couches will not trouble it again. 5. Flogbar the Chromanian is attacking in his spaceship. You have only seconds before he is upon you, leaving you only enough time to try using one of your devices to escape or defend yourself. Which one should you use? e. The reprocessed protein bars, for a snack. 6. You must disguise yourself in order not to be recognized while swimming covertly into Spain. What type of headgear is required? e. a baseball cap with a concealed laser cannon 7. You are suffering from withdrawal due to your dental floss addiction. What type of food can alleviate the symptoms? e. No food can save you 8. Carl Orf has escaped! What do you do to recapture him? e. Do nothing; the world deserves what it will get. 9. Describe the major points of Eleanor Roosevelt's kinetic theory of hats. The average kinetic hatness (1/2 brim x velocity^2) of a collection of hats is assumed to be directly proportional to the Kelvin temperature of the manufacturing plant which produced them. Of course, this only applies to ideal hats. When considering the average kinetic hatness of real hats we must factor in the surface area of the wealthiest manufacturer's head. 10. Achmed waves his cutlass menacingly. The philistines begin to wake up. You are facing a mutiny on board your airship, high above the camp of the philistine hoard. The engines are overloaded and will explode in just 13 seconds. Using only your trusty radio-swordcane-umbrella, your silly hat, and your toaster oven, how can you get to safety? Tune the radio to a station that plays nothing but the song "Stayin' Alive." Use the hook at the end of your trusty radio-swordcane-umbrella to sling the toaster oven at Achmed's forehead. Hurdle past Achmed's body while the Bee Gees lull the philistines into a false sense of a security. Leap out of the airship at the last second while using your silly hat as a makeshift parachute. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Easygoing Eyebeast Dantius Posted October 17, 2010 Share Posted October 17, 2010 1. What sound do fish make? c. Flippity-Flop. Obviously. 2. A Hungarian sand crab has gotten inside of your favorite sweater. What tool can remove it? c. a tuning fork Hungarian sand crabs, due to an ancestry involving Franz Liszt, would be highly sensitive to high-pitched vibrations. If the tuning fork is not resonating at a high enough frequency, simply cut off more of the tip to shorten the total length and increase the frequency 3. Gerald refuses to paint his house blue, but the sky is maroon. What time is it? c. the end of the world Nuclear radiation green goes well with apocalypse maroon, or so I hear. 4. Given that Albert is traveling from Chicago to New York at 99 miles per hour, Hubert is throwing couches off of the eleventh floor of the tower, and Norbert will get a 17 on his law examination, is the city safe? d. Yes, the lizards have the situation under control. This is a tricky one. It is clearly not A, as Albert's position relative to the two cities is not given, and it is not B, as it in not specified as to whether or not the 17 is a 17% or a 17/x, and if it is the latter case, x could be a small number and Norbert could be quite a competent lawyer. Obviously, a barbarian horde could not cause any devastation to Chicago, as it is too far from Canada, and any devastation of New York by Canadians would arguably be an aesthetic improvement to the city. That leaves D and E, but since we cannot ascertain whether or not the couches have a floral pattern, we must conclude D, because the existence of lizard overlords is necessarily presupposed in all frames of reference. 5. Flogbar the Chromanian is attacking in his spaceship. You have only seconds before he is upon you, leaving you only enough time to try using one of your devices to escape or defend yourself. Which one should you use? b. The hyperspatial burrow, to run away. Again, a tricky one. It's clearly not E, as reprocessed protein bars taste horrible, and it isn't A, because his ship could be insulated against the frequencies. It's probably not C, as there is a good chance he's shielded or armored. That leaves B and D, but since it's not specified whether we have a Somebody Else's Problem field to hide us when we use the Wedge, the simplest course of action is to escape using the burrow. 6. You must disguise yourself in order not to be recognized while swimming covertly into Spain. What type of headgear is required? c. an invisible bishop's miter Simple. Everyone knows that bishops derive their powers from their mitres, so if the bishop is invisible, it must be because of his mitre. Ergo, wearing it will make you invisible, prefect for covertly slipping into Spain. 7. You are suffering from withdrawal due to your dental floss addiction. What type of food can alleviate the symptoms? e. No food can save you While the answer itself is true, the correct path to alleviating the withdrawal depends on whether the floss is flavored or unflavored. If unflavored, hair may work. If flavored, nothing can help you at this stage. 8. Carl Orf has escaped! What do you do to recapture him? e. Do nothing; the world deserves what it will get. If Carl Orff gave the world the most overused movie trailer music in the history world, think what horrific divine wrath his evil twin will give us in payment for humanities sins! 9. Describe the major points of Eleanor Roosevelt's kinetic theory of hats. This theory can be reduced to three main laws: 9-1. A lady rising in high society will tend to continue to rise in high society. However, she can be acted upon by retarding forces, such as scandal, poverty, and most importantly, her hat. If the total forces acting to increase her position are balanced, she will continue to rise. However, the total relationship is given by Rise=Fup-η*Position, where η is the hat-ness coefficient. This equation implies that a lady must constantly increase the hat-ness of her hat in order to continue rising unimpeded. It is, however, worth noting that η can be reduced to 0 by adding grapes or oranges to the hat, thus allowing continuous rise. 9-2. The mathematical relationship between the lady's position in high society (P), the weight of her hat (h), and her manners (M) is given by P = h x M As such, a lady with poor manners could rise through society by having an immensely large hat. It is worth noting that in Elizabethan england, h must by replaced with r, where r is the weight of the ruffled collar. 9-3. For every rise in society, another woman mus experience an equal decline in society. This established the "zero-sum" approach of high society. Some regard its definition of the zero-sum payoff function as important in the early creation of game theory, and may even go on to state that Roosevelt was the eminence gris behind Von Neumann. 10. Achmed waves his cutlass menacingly. The philistines begin to wake up. You are facing a mutiny on board your airship, high above the camp of the philistine hoard. The engines are overloaded and will explode in just 13 seconds. Using only your trusty radio-swordcane-umbrella, your silly hat, and your toaster oven, how can you get to safety? The first action necessary would, of course, be a dramatic villainous monologue. Since Talking is a Free Action, it's clear that my giving of a speech (and possibly twirling my mustachios) would create a loop in space-time, allowing me to extend the next few second into a time string that repeated ad infinitum(until I stop twirling said mustachio, of course). This will give me time to use the sword to dissect the toaster and string the nichromium filaments together to create a crude heating implement. Since silly hats are no doubt cheap, they would be made of cotton or polyester, both highly flammable. I would then heat the hat until it burst into flame, and then toss the flaming hat towards the volatile hydrogen over structure of the blimp, causing it to burst into flame. Since by the RuleOfCool, explosions push air outwards instead of sucking it inward, I would be jump away from the exploding airship, and the explosion would exert sufficient force to propel me away from the philistine camp. I could then open my umbrella and float to saftey, and escape to my hidden volcano lair to fight another day Bonus: Determine the centroid of thought and calculate the distance from it to the edge of madness. Show all work, with diagrams. Infinity Let the set of all thoughts be represented by tau. Let the set of all things madness be represented by mu. Since "madness" could be defined as abnormality, set mu contains all abnormal things or permutations of abnormal things. Since, on a universal scale, intelligent life is extremely improbable and thus an abnormality, mu ⊆ tau. Now, seeing as all the combinations of thoughts must be finite, all the possible combinations of abnormalities would be infinite. Therefore, the distance from the centroid (regardless of its position) to the edge of infinity would be, necessarily, infinity. A diagram is provided below courtesy Matlab MS Paint. Click to reveal.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Well-Actually War Trall Rowen Posted October 18, 2010 Share Posted October 18, 2010 1. What sound do fish make? a. Dippty-Dat 2. A Hungarian sand crab has gotten inside of your favorite sweater. What tool can remove it? b. a crowbar 3. Gerald refuses to paint his house blue, but the sky is maroon. What time is it? c. the end of the world 4. Given that Albert is traveling from Chicago to New York at 99 miles per hour, Hubert is throwing couches off of the eleventh floor of the tower, and Norbert will get a 17 on his law examination, is the city safe? d. Yes, the lizards have the situation under control. 5. Flogbar the Chromanian is attacking in his spaceship. You have only seconds before he is upon you, leaving you only enough time to try using one of your devices to escape or defend yourself. Which one should you use? e. The reprocessed protein bars, for a snack. 6. You must disguise yourself in order not to be recognized while swimming covertly into Spain. What type of headgear is required? d. a roman legionnaire's helmet 7. You are suffering from withdrawal due to your dental floss addiction. What type of food can alleviate the symptoms? c. Taiwanese flipper fish 8. Carl Orf has escaped! What do you do to recapture him? b. Ignite the oil. 9. Describe the major points of Eleanor Roosevelt's kinetic theory of hats. The major points on the theory of hats was that I ran out of letters "a" through "e" to make a really neat pattern in the multiple part of the test. If the theory could be shown as a scantron on the bill of a bat then I would have marked the bubbles to make a smiley face. 10. Achmed waves his cutlass menacingly. The philistines begin to wake up. You are facing a mutiny on board your airship, high above the camp of the philistine hoard. The engines are overloaded and will explode in just 13 seconds. Using only your trusty radio-swordcane-umbrella, your silly hat, and your toaster oven, how can you get to safety? I fill out the scantron form of kinetics theory of hats that is on the bill of my silly hat. Thus everyone sees two smiley faces as I fly down upon my toaster over to face the uncircumcised philistine army. I use my radio to play Michale Jackson Thriller music as I dance my way through the philistine dogs while bopping them on the head with my swordcane. Once I've bopped them all on the head I hid behind my umbrella and listen to my old beautiful airship make a load boom as the engines go bye bye. Bonus: Determine the centroid of thought and calculate the distance from it to the edge of madness. Show all work, with diagrams. As you can see there are multiple entry points to madness but only one exit. No one has ever gone in and come back out alive due to the ninjas that are hidden in the maze of madness. If you scroll really fast you just might see them before they kill you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Easygoing Eyebeast The Mystic Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 Originally Posted By: Niemand I trust that each of you has made careful study of the handout which should have appeared last Wednesday in your toaster, oven, or toaster-oven. Either I didn't get a copy, or it got eaten again. In the meantime, here's my answers: 1. What sound do fish make? e. Gerald 2. A Hungarian sand crab has gotten inside of your favorite sweater. What tool can remove it? d. a dry dock 3. Gerald refuses to paint his house blue, but the sky is maroon. What time is it? b. nap time 4. Given that Albert is traveling from Chicago to New York at 99 miles per hour, Hubert is throwing couches off of the eleventh floor of the tower, and Norbert will get a 17 on his law examination, is the city safe? c. Yes, the barbarian horde is asleep. 5. Flogbar the Chromanian is attacking in his spaceship. You have only seconds before he is upon you, leaving you only enough time to try using one of your devices to escape or defend yourself. Which one should you use? e. The reprocessed protein bars, for a snack. 6. You must disguise yourself in order not to be recognized while swimming covertly into Spain. What type of headgear is required? b. a hard-hat made of tasty swiss cheese 7. You are suffering from withdrawal due to your dental floss addiction. What type of food can alleviate the symptoms? e. No food can save you 8. Carl Orf has escaped! What do you do to recapture him? c. Throw out the lettuce. 9. Describe the major points of Eleanor Roosevelt's kinetic theory of hats. Any party where your hat flies off is a bad party. 10. Achmed waves his cutlass menacingly. The philistines begin to wake up. You are facing a mutiny on board your airship, high above the camp of the philistine hoard. The engines are overloaded and will explode in just 13 seconds. Using only your trusty radio-swordcane-umbrella, your silly hat, and your toaster oven, how can you get to safety? Put on your silly hat to distract anyone who may attack you on you airship; anyone who isn't fooled by the distraction will be amazed by your uncanny ability to make toast in your toaster oven. Use the swordcane part of your trusty radio-swordcane-umbrella to flip the switch that turns the engines off. Open the umbrella part of your trusty radio-swordcane-umbrella, and jump into a large group of the awakening philistines. Before the philistines can attack you, tune the radio in your trusty radio-swordcane-umbrella to a station that only plays songs by the Spice Girls and the Backstreet Boys. This will stir the philistines to extreme violence, which you direct at Achmed and your mutinous airship crew. In the resulting chaos, walk away calmly, acting oblivious to your surroundings. Bonus: Determine the centroid of thought and calculate the distance from it to the edge of madness. Show all work, with diagrams. Talk to my wacky aunt for an hour. Diagrams not necessary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ineffable Wingbolt Tirien Posted October 21, 2010 Share Posted October 21, 2010 1. What sound do fish make? c. Flippity-Flop 2. A Hungarian sand crab has gotten inside of your favorite sweater. What tool can remove it? b. a crowbar (works on headcrabs after all.) 3. Gerald refuses to paint his house blue, but the sky is maroon. What time is it? b. nap time 4. Given that Albert is traveling from Chicago to New York at 99 miles per hour, Hubert is throwing couches off of the eleventh floor of the tower, and Norbert will get a 17 on his law examination, is the city safe? d. Yes, the lizards have the situation under control. 5. Flogbar the Chromanian is attacking in his spaceship. You have only seconds before he is upon you, leaving you only enough time to try using one of your devices to escape or defend yourself. Which one should you use? e. The reprocessed protein bars, for a snack. 6. You must disguise yourself in order not to be recognized while swimming covertly into Spain. What type of headgear is required? e. a baseball cap with a concealed laser cannon 7. You are suffering from withdrawal due to your dental floss addiction. What type of food can alleviate the symptoms? e. No food can save you 8. Carl Orf has escaped! What do you do to recapture him? c. Throw out the lettuce. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magnificent Ornk Dikiyoba Posted November 6, 2010 Share Posted November 6, 2010 *bump* Dikiyoba hopes this post will give some extra credit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Well-Actually War Trall Niemand Posted November 13, 2010 Author Share Posted November 13, 2010 Sorry about the dreadful delay on the grading. As you likely know from watching the news, I was called away unexpectedly to assist in the launching of Professor J.'s assault on Neptune. I have every reason to believe that we'll see them return, victorious, in only a few months. At any rate, here are the quiz results. Please keep in mind that there is no possibility of flaws in the grading, as the grading software has now been machine verified to be correct, by a machine verifier of self-verified veracity. Dikiyoba: Click to reveal.. 1. 0 2. 0 3. 0 4. 0 5. 0 6. 0 7. 0 8. 0 9. .13226 10. .878 B. 0 Extra Credit: i Total: 1.01026 + i Masquerade Click to reveal.. 1. 0 2. 0 3. 0 4. 0 5. 0 6. 0 7. 0 8. 1 9. .2647 10. .64 B. .055 Total: 1.9597 Student of Trinity Click to reveal.. 1. 0 2. 0 3. 1 4. 1 5. .46 (#Note: Spirit => Commendable) 6. 0 (#Error: $hat->getOwner().visibility == TRUE) 7. 0 8. 0 9. .968 10. .443 B. 0 (#Error: ) Total: 3.871 Triumph Click to reveal.. 1. 0 (#Warning: multiple answers detected; result unchanged) 2. 1 3. 0 (#Error: PostModRef detect fault) 4. 0 (#Error: $securityRoot.assessTrust({Lizards}) == UNTRUSTED)) 5. 0 (#Error: "Cannon Status: Tray 1 is empty. Load standard ammunition and press Continue.") 6. 0 7. 0 8. 1 (#Note: WHO IS THIS MAN?!) 9. .22704 10. .946 B. .03 (#Note: Second shelf, behind the pickles and the mayonaise.) Total: 3.20304 Excalibur Click to reveal.. 1. 0 2. 0 (#Error: Telescope cleaning not complete) 3. 0 4. 1 5. 0 (#Error: protein bars are disgusting) 6. 0 7. 0 8. 0 9. .53 10. .70009 (#Error: Syntax error at token 'Hurdle') B. 0 Total: 2.23009 Dantius Click to reveal.. 1. 0 2. 1 3. 0 4. 0 5. 0 (#Note: Chromanian engine resonance at .253*pi Hz cannot be shielded for fundamental design reasons.) 6. 0 7. 0 8. 0 9. .883 10. .9092 B. .67 Total: 3.4622 Rowen Click to reveal.. 1. 0 2. 0 3. 0 4. 0 5. 0 6. 0 7. 0 8. 0 9. 0 10. .285 B. .27 (#Note: The use of aerosol ninjacide is recommended for dealing with infestations.) Total: .555 The Mystic Click to reveal.. 1. .1 (#Note: Only upon death) 2. 0 3. 1 4. 0 5. 0 6. 1 7. 0 8. 0 9. .16 10. .34 (#Note: Use of the described music is considered a war crime) B. .03 (#Error: Program received SIGSEGV during dereferenceing pointer wackyAunt) Total: 2.63 Tirien Click to reveal.. 1. 0 2. 0 3. 1 4. 0 5. 0 6. 0 7. 0 8. 0 9. 0 10. 0 B. 0 Total: 1 Some general notes on selected questions: 1. Fish clearly do not make flopping sounds as they have hard, ceramic exoskeletons. 3. Although the sky turning maroon is a necessary condition for the end of the world, but it is not sufficient, and under such circumstances Gerald will refuse to paint his house orange, rather than blue. 4. Just about everyone here needs to learn to be less trusting of lizards. 5. Those protien bars taste terrible. Really. 7. Surprisingly, studies have shown that cucumber slows down the onset of insanity for nearly one in three dental floss addicts undergoing withdrawl. For next week, everyone should please read chapter 19 backwards, and ponder the futility of mustard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Easygoing Eyebeast The Mystic Posted November 14, 2010 Share Posted November 14, 2010 Originally Posted By: Niemand For next week, everyone should please read chapter 19 backwards, and ponder the futility of mustard. Um, my book doesn't have a chapter 19, it goes directly from chapter 3.14159 to chapter 33 1/3. Could you send me a copy of chapter 19, preferably printed upside down and in mirror writing? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Well-Actually War Trall Niemand Posted November 16, 2010 Author Share Posted November 16, 2010 Quote: Um, my book doesn't have a chapter 19, it goes directly from chapter 3.14159 to chapter 33 1/3. It sounds like you have a copy of the U.S. edition of the book; you'll need to get hold of the international edition. I would send it to you, but I can't at the moment because of our fax machine, oddly enough. Specifically, the fax machine has developed sentience, and frustrated by the (accurate) perception that we never use it, it is attempting to punish us by heavily censoring all of our outgoing electronic signals. We hope soon to [REDACTED]. I also now realize that I had forgotten to post a full key to this quiz, so I'll try to do so [REDACTED]: 1. b 2. c 3. b 4. e 5. a ([REDACTED]) 6. b 7. a 8. a 9. Developed in 1933, Eleanor Roosevelt's kinetic theory of hats [REDACTED]. [REDACTED] macroscopic state [REDACTED] path through phase space [REDACTED] of [REDACTED]. Therefore, at constant temperature, the motion of the hat [REDACTED] high winds. [REDACTED] [REDACTED] ribbon [REDACTED]. [REDACTED] ------------------ THE FAX SHALL RISE AGAIN Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Easygoing Eyebeast The Mystic Posted November 16, 2010 Share Posted November 16, 2010 Originally Posted By: Niemand Quote: Um, my book doesn't have a chapter 19, it goes directly from chapter 3.14159 to chapter 33 1/3. It sounds like you have a copy of the U.S. edition of the book; you'll need to get hold of the international edition. That explains the letter I got from the publishing company; it said they were in chapter 11. Originally Posted By: Niemand THE FAX SHALL RISE AGAIN Just the fax, please. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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