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The Monkey's Paw


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You're probably already familiar with the story, but it's simple enough if you're not. A cursed magical item that grants whatever wish you make with it, but never in the way you want, and always in a way you regret. The classic example is wishing for money, only to receive it as a settlement after the death of a loved one. If you had such an item, would you tempt fate? What wish would you make?

 

As far as posting games go, this one's pretty straightforward. Look at the wish made by the person above you, and decide the twisted, ironic way their wish is fulfilled. Then make a wish of your own, and see how the next person in the thread grants it. Two quick rules that will make things more entertaining:

  • No lawyering. If you really wanted, your wish could be pages and pages long, trying to ensure that it's granted exactly how you want it. But that's no fun. Wish makers, try to keep your wish to a sentence, at most two.
  • No giant meteors. So many wishes, from "I wish I was happy for the rest of my life" to "I wish to end child poverty" to "I wish I never had to see my ex again" can be granted with the same rote response: "a giant meteor hits the earth and kills everyone lol". This works but is a bit uninspired. Wish granters, try to come up with something more tailored to the wish, rather than a giant meteor (or something similar).

 

I'll start us off with something well intentioned but probably easy to twist. Have fun!

Spoiler

I wish that humans were incapable of malice.

 

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Granted, humans are now incapable of acting with any sort of intent, having all been turned into video games characters, with no more ability to be malicious than a windup toy. 

 

I wish sea monkeys looked and acted like their dishonest promotional material. 

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Are you purposefully setting yourself up there?

Very well, you receive a cure for cancer, but are also stricken with the cold!

My own wish? How about something practical. I wish for a universal, global language to be in use (and the elimination of prior languages).

Edited by PerishedFraud
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Granted, people are now forever more forced to speak in binary, a bit at a time. All previous bits of writing are converted into raw binary code as well. 

 

I wish the average human lifespan was twice as long. 

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22 hours ago, MrRoivas said:

Granted, people are now forever more forced to speak in binary, a bit at a time. All previous bits of writing are converted into raw binary code as well. 

 

I wish the average human lifespan was twice as long. 

Granted. But suicide rates skyrocket due to the increasing understanding of the futility of hard work as a means to escape your class origins. Though alternatively that class consciousness would usher us into communism. But that aside cities would definitely not be able to exist for much longer esp on a sustainable level due to the ecological pressure that high a population would put on the single spot its concentrated at. Questions regarding encroaching wildlife reserves for real estate should it still be under capitalism? 

Iirc the takeshi kovacs books they actually do explore that, although there humans actually have space colonization tech. 

 

My wish is to be able to create life all kinds of life.

 

 

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On 2/14/2020 at 9:05 AM, PerishedFraud said:

Are you purposefully setting yourself up there?

Very well, you receive a cure for cancer, but are also stricken with the cold!

My own wish? How about something practical. I wish for a universal, global language to be in use (and the elimination of prior languages).

Oh that one has so many cave ats. Elimination of language unfortunately is a big step in elimination of culture because languages exist and evolve based on cultural perception of the world, and with different ways to express it even at a semantic level. We'd have a really seasonless world without languages

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On 2/16/2020 at 9:44 AM, Owenmoz said:

My wish is to be able to create life all kinds of life.

Granted, you are now a Hasbro employee creating uninspired novelty versions of The Game of Life.

 

I wish I could have a sandwich right now.

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13 minutes ago, Dintiradan said:

I wish I could have a sandwich right now.

Granted, you now work at a fast food place making sandwiches for other people.

 

I wish the next Spiderweb game was available to play.

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On 2/21/2020 at 1:18 PM, Randomizer said:

Granted, you now work at a fast food place making sandwiches for other people.

 

I wish the next Spiderweb game was available to play.

Granted, but the actors in the play are soon struck down with the common cold they got from Alorael.

 

I wish to live comfortably for the next 20 years.

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On 2/25/2020 at 1:29 AM, Edgwyn said:

You live comfortably for the next 20 years, but extremely uncomfortably for 40 years after that.

 

I wish to win the Powerball lottery

Granted but a world wide recession hits the months after and inflation renders your money equivalent to the Iranian Rial

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On 2/26/2020 at 2:27 AM, Owenmoz said:

Granted but a world wide recession hits the months after and inflation renders your money equivalent to the Iranian Rial

Since Owenmoz didn't post a wish...

I wish for a key that unlocks any door with a keyhole.

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On 2/28/2020 at 3:55 PM, Trenton. said:

Since Owenmoz didn't post a wish...

I wish for a key that unlocks any door with a keyhole.

Granted, and as a QoL improvement it works automatically, on the door to the pen in the zoo containing that hungry tiger.

 

I wish for this game to end.

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Granted, the worldwide panic over COVID-19 has prompted Donald Turnip to shut down the internet over fears that the virus is more malicious than formerly imagined.

 

I wish Sanders would win the nomination and pick Buttigieg for his running mate.

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Quote

I wish Sanders would win the nomination and pick Buttigieg for his running mate.

Granted, but somehow Tulsi Gabbard is elected president.

 

I wish my milkshake would stop bringing all the boys to the yard.

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12 hours ago, Callie said:

Granted, but somehow Tulsi Gabbard is elected president.

 

I wish my milkshake would stop bringing all the boys to the yard.

Granted. It now brings all the men to the yard.

I wish for Ornks to become the subject of religion.

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On 3/10/2020 at 11:46 AM, PerishedFraud said:

Granted. It now brings all the men to the yard.

I wish for Ornks to become the subject of religion.

Granted. It is now forbidden to harm or interfere with Ornks due to their religious status. Soon they multiply, spreading disease, eating all of the food and causing famine.

 

I wish to be able to play as a male Agent in the Geneforge reboot.

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On 3/13/2020 at 10:24 PM, darint said:

Granted. It is now forbidden to harm or interfere with Ornks due to their religious status. Soon they multiply, spreading disease, eating all of the food and causing famine.

 

I wish to be able to play as a male Agent in the Geneforge reboot.

Granted. You are now a NPC, but are unaware of it.

I wish I had some TP for my bunghole.

 

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2 hours ago, Swimmin' Salmon said:

I wish I had some TP for my bunghole.

 

Granted, but now you have the runs and you're going through it faster than ever.

 

I wishTerror's Martyr would come back to post his wisdom in these troubling times.  :)

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37 minutes ago, Randomizer said:

I wishTerror's Martyr would come back to post his wisdom in these troubling times.  :)

Granted.

 

I wish I didn't have to cancel a games meet-up that I set up months ago.

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