What now?

[Frozen Feet]

Ever had a day when getting up seems pointless? When you just stand staring into emptiness for hours because you can't come up with anything to do? How did you get over it... or did you?

 

Three weeks ago, my conscription ended. While I was initially enthusiastic about army (and to an extent, still am), Finnish Defence forces were a disappointment. Furthermore, theres still economic depression going on, so finding a job is much harder than I thought it would be. The reason why I chose my vocation was because it seemed to have a bright future: the field was slightly worker-starved, and a lot of necessary renovations were ahead. Few people want to give up running water and working sewage, after all.

 

During last year, that basis suffered a kick in the groin. It still stands, but my ability to benefit from it is impaired because people keep delaying those renovations because perceived economic unfeasibility.

 

Add to this that things back home are a mess, and suddenly all my goals have been obscured by grey haze. I still know where I want, but can't see a way there. Loss of direction has drained me of my motivation to do most things, even my hobbies feel like a chore.

 

...so how was your day?

[Ephesos]

^ yep, pretty much

[Randomizer]

You still have motivation? If I didn't need to empty my bladder, I'd have a harder time getting out of bed.

[Swimmin' Salmon]

Wait. Did you folks actually conquer Russia already? Because until that is over, you have something to do.

 

Demand a warm water port!!!

[keira]

Don't worry about it. Things will get better. Maybe.

 

If they don't, you can just curl up in the fetal position in the corner. Works for me.

[Monroe]

I mean, I got a crap job that I slog through every day and I wish my girlfriend wasn't making more money than me, but I'm still happy with my life. Maybe it's an American thing, but I always feel like more can be accomplished if one really puts his mind to it. I'm applying to become a police officer right now, even. Wish me luck. If I get in, my household will be wholly employed by the U.S. government, or, rather, Louisiana state. Girlfriend's a teacher. Can't say I'm anti-government anymore, I guess.

[Slawbug]

*facepalm*

[Frozen Feet]

I come out out of lurking in hope of advice, and what I get is snide remarks and the impending feeling that most of you are as badly depressed as I am. Thanks for cheering me up, guys.

 

I'm feeling marginally better now, because I just got back from karate and I'm bruised and aching - must be adrenaline or those crazy endorphins. I'm hoping for more helpful replies before it wears out!

 

Originally Posted By: Poached Salmon

Wait. Did you folks actually conquer Russia already? Because until that is over, you have something to do.

While I intend to conquer Russia one day (in this case, hike trough it to China. For teh lulz.), that plan isn't going anywhere untill I have a healthy nest egg. I won't be getting one before I get a job. See the problem?

[Student of Trinity]

At my advanced age of 42, I have concluded that there is a basic unfortunate fact about most of life's major challenges, such as finding a romantic partner or establishing a career. It's that a lot of things you can do are necessary, but nothing you can do is sufficient. You have to keep getting out of bed and doing things, and not just any things but the right things, some of which are hard. Otherwise you have no chance at all. But all that you gain by doing all those things is — a chance. Your work will be in vain until circumstances beyond your control also happen to swing your way.

 

The upside, however, is that if you keep on plugging, the chances that things will eventually swing your way are very high. The world needs workers of all kinds and the old workers are retiring, adult humans mostly do need to pair up, and so on; so the system is actually rigged in your favor. The big issues in life may be lotteries instead of fair wages, but they're lotteries whose payoff odds are actually good, and if you keep playing you're very likely to win, eventually.

 

While you're getting out of bed each day to buy your ticket for the big prize, that prize can seem ridiculously unattainable. To switch metaphors abruptly: when I was looking for a girlfriend, and later when I was looking for a permanent academic job, I used to feel that I was standing on a street corner asking strangers if they could possibly spare a 747 for me. But then eventually it happens, at least for most people, and suddenly you're wondering how to fly a jumbo jet. At which point it's a darn good thing this is just a dumb metaphor, because the next step is to observe solemnly that the skies are full of amateur jumbo pilots.

 

Anyway there are grounds for optimism, with patience. Waiting alone is not enough, neither is working, but waiting and working both will probably work.

 

[jlsgaladriel]

Frozen, I think you've got the answer to your first question: yes, a lot of us feel like that, some more often than others.

 

I also think you've got part of the answer to pulling yourself out of it. Do things you love, even if you don't feel like doing them at first. Get out and do physical things like karate or hiking. Join a chorale if you enjoy singing. Volunteer with a tutoring program if you can teach.

 

That's not to minimize the real stuff going on in one's brain if one is feeling depressed, but it's to assert that things like exercise and singing and engaging with people in themselves actually change our brain chemistry.

 

If getting up and going to the place where you do your hobbies feels like a chore, well, that's not abnormal. If half an hour into doing those hobbies still feels unpleasant, that might be a signal to drop those hobbies for a while. But I'd suggest you not allow yourself to drop too many hobbies until/unless you think about what you enjoy and what feeds you, and add regular activities to your life which fulfill those needs.

[Synergy]

Frozen Feet, it sounds like you did one the easiest and quickest things you can do to possibly improve your mood—get some exercise. Meanwhile, sometimes the best we can do when feeling defeated, hopeless, or apathetic, is to slow down, breathe, and reflect on a few things like: Right here right now I am okay. I've gotten through tough days and challenges in the past. I know I will probably feel better again tomorrow, or another day soon. We can let the feeling be, not resist it and make it an enemy, but also realize that it's just a feeling and will shift. I tend to distract myself from negative feelings I can't quickly shake by doing something I enjoy like watching a movie or playing a game.

 

Facing the unknown in life is one of those great existential angst issues that can be really hard on us...if we let it be. Looking to many stories of successful people in the world, some commonalties they tend to share is, they believed in themselves, that they could achieve what they desired. They didn't stop trying until they got there/they don't take no for an answer. As SoT thoughtfully points out, life really does tend to support us, if we stick with it.

 

Having a loss of direction, vision, focus, and passion is okay, so be easy on yourself. I know the following statement sounds like a tired cliché, but it's hugely true. If you choose to see this shift in your life as a potential opportunity to take a new direction that may be even more fulfilling for you than your previous vision, it can be a little exciting, and not merely disappointing, scary, or depleting. One of the best ways to tap back into a vision and passion for ourselves can be as simple as getting quiet enough with ourselves for a bit, quieting our noisy minds, to let something emerge from deeper inside, something in our heart that already has an idea where we want to go next.

 

Worst thing to do? Let the mind run endlessly with its depression-creating stories about how we failed or how we're not good enough or how the future is going to disappoint us.

 

Hang in there. I'm confident you will feel better again soon and will land on your (frozen) feet.

 

-S-

[Randomizer]

Frozen, you found out the hard way that finding a job you like in a depressed economy really sucks. You can wait for an improvement and while you wait you have to find something else to do. Either another job, go back to school, or just helping out in a non-paying job to show that you were doing something with your time. Going back into the military is probably the last option.

[Slawbug]

Originally Posted By: Student of Trinity

The upside, however, is that if you keep on plugging, the chances that things will eventually swing your way are very high... The big issues in life may be lotteries instead of fair wages, but they're lotteries whose payoff odds are actually good, and if you keep playing you're very likely to win, eventually.

For many people, yes. Not for everyone. To use your example about adult humans pairing up in a lasting way, the chances of this happening drop dramatically when you look at certain subsets of the population, for reasons that are easy to see with your model (whose structure I like): the opportunities are fewer and slimmer, so the odds of a situation stacking up in your favor is are also much slimmer. Based solely on mutually compatible gender preferences (and enough knowledge or assumed knowledge to act on them), for example, most straight adults encounter multiple orders of magnitude more potential partners than most gay adults do; to tie in a timely topic, the numbers are even scarcer for trans adults.

[Sudanna]

Quote:

Finnish Defence forces were a disappointment

How are your snipers ?

[Frozen Feet]

Don't know, didn't work with them. I did get a perfect score from my last shooting test, though.

[VCH]

My advice is do not listen to your own thoughts for the first hour after waking, they are all against you and anything you do.

 

You could go to bed loving something but during that first hour you will hate it.

[Alorael at Large]

Whatever my differences with Synergy on his cosmology, his advice here is good. Sometimes life is tough for everyone. Sometimes life is disproportionately tough for you. There's always something you can do, though, even if it's just muddling through the mess until something changes.

 

—Alorael, who also has to disagree with Slarty. The odds may not be in your favor in all things you'd like, but the odds of nothing going right for you over time are vanishingly small. Unless you start out in a truly dire position, you can rely on something getting better eventually, even if only by regression to the mean.

[Rowen]

Have you considered college? Right now I know 8 people over the age of 40 that are enrolled in the same classes as me and all of them are trying to open more doors in the workforce with more education. It is not "the" solution, but it is an option when available.

 

I am rather worried about leaving school due to the current state of the workforce at the moment. I might be getting a masters just to avoid leaving school before things improve.

[Frozen Feet]

If I go back to school, I'll be sleeping trough most classes. Ironic, as I'm generally gifted in academic pursuits, but more education isn't really my thing.

 

Going back to military is something I'm planning to do... eventually. I consider signing myself for peacekeeper duties after few years of getting mundane job experience and getting to better shape. There's so many applicants right now that even getting a contract off the bat (meaning I might get send somewhere) has lower than 50% chance. So it's not topical right now.

 

As for non-paying jobs, scouting is doing well on that apartment.

[Student of Trinity]

The military can actually be a pretty cool career, especially if you become a commissioned officer. If you stay in the non-commissioned ranks, then at first some mean ol' sergeant is always telling you want to do, and then eventually maybe you become that mean ol' sergeant, and some young twerp of a lieutenant is always telling you what to do. It's probably more fun to be that young twerp of a lieutenant. Not really for the sake of the ego trip; the downside of power is responsibility, and young lieutenants are famous for being twerps because they have enough power to be responsible for a lot of stupid things. But you really get to try things your own way, and see what happens, instead of being stuck with what somebody else lays down.

 

The officer/non-com distinction began with ridiculous Old World class distinctions, but somehow it proved robust enough that the armies of the politically disinclined American, French, and Russian revolutions all found themselves reluctantly reintroducing it. There seems to be a natural division of labor between deciding what to do and doing it, to the point where a 20-year-old with the training and talent for planning can give orders to a 40-year-old with experience and talent at execution, and it all just works.

 

The standard requirement for entering an army as an officer is having a university degree. I'm not sure whether there is any non-ridiculous basis for this criterion, but it too has stood some sort of test of time.

[Frozen Feet]

I considered a job as NCO, but signal corps could only afford single one year contract (so-called 'summer sergeant'), and the next option would've been making a five year contract. Another five years in army didn't sound all that fun. I might reconsider if I can't get a civilian job before summer, though.

 

Technically, I could apply to Finnish National Defence University, but I swear I'd fall asleep within seconds after the first Power Point presentation rolls on-screen. Whoever made decisions of current educational methods should be hanged.

[Enraged Slith]

The prerequisite of a degree for officership can seem a little ridiculous at times. It might make sense for fields like medicine and engineering, but I knew a couple of ROTC cadets opting for infantry who essentially studied the equivalent of basket-weaving. It's the GPA that matters here in America, which seems to say don't challenge yourself with a difficult major if you want to be competitive in today's military.

 

I also knew a couple of cadets who started as enlisted and opted to become officers later. I'm not sure how the military works where you live, but you might be able to leave your options open in this respect.

[Student of Trinity]

Actually being an infantry platoon leader is a pretty intellectually demanding job. Probably the main requirement is being able to figure out what people are trying to say when they're not saying it very clearly, and being able to communicate clearly enough that people can understand you when they're under a lot of stress. Being able to make succinct and cogent arguments is also great, since you're supposed to be able to get armed men to risk death, and the most reliable way of doing this is to convince them quickly that your plan is their best chance.

 

And enough general technical background to have a basic idea how a lot of stuff works is also good. The infantry may not use any really big equipment, but they use little versions of practically everything, from radar to rockets.

 

So a college education is likely to be of at least some value. What college doesn't really do is ask you to think clearly under extreme stress, such as is induced by the immediate threat of violent death. I have no idea how I would cope with that, since I've never faced it, but in training they try to simulate its effects with sleep deprivation, and I didn't handle that so well. I get dumb when I get tired.

[Alorael at Large]

There are many things a college degree can help you with in the infantry or anywhere else. There are very few things that any college degree can help you with. I'm sure the Army can use economics majors, but I don't think it has an especially high demand for them. That nebulous "life experience" would count for a lot more if it weren't so nebulous.

 

—Alorael, who imagines that one could create a reasonable "officer" major as well. Or maybe several variations for different branches of the armed forces. Many liberal arts schools are likely to frown upon it, though.

[Kelandon]

Dude, I spent the last year and a half of my life sitting around and deciding what I wanted to do with my life (uh, and working, I guess). If you've only been dealing with this for three weeks, you're fine.

[Frozen Feet]

Originally Posted By: Bered Kai Nev says, "Hi!"

—Alorael, who imagines that one could create a reasonable "officer" major as well. Or maybe several variations for different branches of the armed forces. Many liberal arts schools are likely to frown upon it, though.

We kinda have that here in Finland. As a reservoir NCO, I'd only need to complete Reservoir Platoon Commander course to apply.

Anyways, after visiting a bank yesterday and getting myself a new bank account and insurance, I'm seeing some light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks for your advice and sympathies, someone else can pick the whiny ball for now.

[Artemis~]

I have no life.

 

~Artemis and not having a life. I spend most of it online, which is partly why I don't have much of one.