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The Spiderweb Art Movement, Round 2!


nikki.

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That works with any surface that is both transparent and reflective. Some light goes through and some bounces back. If light is also passing through the other way, the image you see in the glass depends on the relative illumination. As long as a fair amount of light is passing through towards you, you'll see through the surface. If there's not much light on the other side, most of what you see is the light reflecting back at you.

 

—Alorael, who can't actually think of a whole lot of common transparent, shiny surfaces. Very pure ice? Mysteriously gravity-defying ethanol?

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  • 1 month later...

i would consider this creative, it's a list of annoying stuuf i have kept for no reason, yay! i hope it's not too long

Click to reveal..
Annoying

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."

10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.

11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

12. Sniffle incessantly.

13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

14. Name your dog "Dog."

15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace."

19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.

21. Practice making fax and modem noises.

22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.

23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."

26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."

27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.

28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

31. Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.

32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

34. Drum on every available surface.

35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.

37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.

38. Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.

39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

41. Set alarms for random times.

42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

45. Honk and wave to strangers.

46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.

47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

49. Wear your pants backwards.

50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

53. only type in lowercase.

54. dont use any punctuation either

55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J. Simpson conspiracy theories.

61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."

66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."

69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

73. Drive half a block.

74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

75. Ask people what gender they are.

76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.

77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.

78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes."

79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad," the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

83. Change your name to "John Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."

84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

86. Wear a LOT of cologne.

87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."

88. Sing along at the opera.

89. Mow your lawn with scissors.

90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"

91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."

92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."

95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

96. Never make eye contact.

97. Never break eye contact.

98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.

100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.

101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

 

 

 

 

 

 

1. sing cartoon theme songs incessantly

2. always take things literally

3. whenever spoken to say “what did you say?” a few times even if you heard what was said to you

4. play the harmonica whenever you want to ignore people

5. whenever someone wants some of your food or candy “accidentally” drop it on the floor while giving it to them

6. respond 10 seconds after you normally would when speaking

7. whenever someone has their back to you squirt glue on their clothes

8. mumble important words out of your sentences when speaking

9. Misinterpret words other people say completely

YAY! again
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Originally Posted By: llloyd
52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
53. only type in lowercase.
54. dont use any punctuation either
Interesting

I thought they were quite funny. The worst one I say would be: 14. Name your dog "Dog." I have a friend who did that. I feel so sorry for that Dog. The best one would be: 91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend." I would love to see someone do that.

Well done.
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Originally Posted By: Hypnotic
The worst one I say would be: 14. Name your dog "Dog." I have a friend who did that. I feel so sorry for that Dog.
Is this really that odd? We have a cat, and while it has a 'real' name, almost all the time I refer to it as 'Cat' or 'the Cat'.

I'm not being speciest either — fifty percent of my conversations begin with 'Hey man', and the other fifty would begin with 'Hey woman' if it weren't considered sexist.
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Reminds me of a conversation I had a while back. A relative just had her first kid, and gave her a difficult to spell name. My mother, whose name is also difficult to spell, couldn't understand why parents would subjugate their children with 'fashionable' names that they would be spelling out for the rest of their lives.

 

I offered a solution. Instead of naming your children, just number them. Once they reach a certain age (say, entering school, or once they learn to read), they will be allowed to choose their own name. This way, the children will be able to choose names not taken by their peers, while still being easy to spell.

 

The downside is that some kids might pick names like Spiderman, but as long as parent are able to veto names, I think it's a good system.

 

EDIT: On the other hand, biblical names are usually alright, since their spellings are pretty much standardized. If I ever have a son, his middle name is totally going to be Mahershalalhashbaz.

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Originally Posted By: Hypnotic
The worst one I say would be: 14. Name your dog "Dog." I have a friend who did that. I feel so sorry for that Dog.

The dog wouldn't know the difference, so why would you feel sorry for it?


Originally Posted By: Dintiradan

EDIT: On the other hand, biblical names are usually alright, since their spellings are pretty much standardized. If I ever have a son, his middle name is totally going to be Mahershalalhashbaz.

Laban is such an awesome name, even though he was a liar. (Then again, look at how many people are named Jacob)
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Originally Posted By: Excalibur
Originally Posted By: Hypnotic
The worst one I say would be: 14. Name your dog "Dog." I have a friend who did that. I feel so sorry for that Dog.

The dog wouldn't know the difference, so why would you feel sorry for it?
The people would know that Dog dosn't have a specialised name. To be honest I don't know why, but it seems like the owers who do that, don't care for their dog enough to give it a unique name.
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There are more than a handful of Hispanics with the name Jesus. It's a common name, probably for much the same reason that Mohammed (spelled any way you want) is a rather common name.

 

Originally Posted By: Dantius
What about naming him God? It would be an interesting social experiment, to say the least.

God Shammgod will see your name and raise you another name.

 

—Alorael, who doesn't think God gets a lot of namesakes. Jesus certainly does, though. How many Joshuas are around? Each one is a crypto-Jesus!

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Yes, but Jesus and Mohammed were both prophets, I think, not gods. I haven't met anyone named after the majority of Greek Gods, though: Only Athena, and maybe there's an Artemis here and there...*winks*

 

~Artemis and Greek Mythology. It's an obsession that I happen to have. I can name all of the gods, minor gods, most of the Demigods, and create a family tree of them. Ownage. wink

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A story I wrote for school:

 

Click to reveal..
Bartholomew’s Stop

 

The train rattled noisily along its rusty metal tracks at a speed that made is passengers nauseous to no end. Whenever the vehicle so much as jolted—which happened very often—it was expected of at least one passenger to let out a frightened yelp, go green in the face, get puffed-out cheeks, and hurriedly lurch off at the next train station. They would return shortly before the train sped off, with flecks of something green on their faces. Bartholomew watched them go in amusement; while the train still somewhat sickened him, he was far more used to it by now. After all, he had ridden this train many, many times.

 

Bartholomew slouched down in his seat, shrugged his backpack into a more comfortable position, and stared longingly out of the window. He gazed at the telephone poles as they flitted by, as if running in terror from the train.

The train was small. There were seats—uncomfortable ones with torn up cushions that itched irritatingly—in aisles of two along the walls. Most of them were full—with sickened passengers who yelped at every vibration—and Bartholomew was getting more and more claustrophobic with every unbearable moment. Sitting next to him was an overweight man wearing a dirty shirt and sweatpants. He was fast asleep, complete with obnoxiously loud snores and a string of drool dripping from the corner of his mouth.

 

Bartholomew suffered noiselessly—but for a few protests from his upset stomach—as the train traveled along, occasionally stopping to let passengers off at their stops. Bartholomew stared after the people leaving with envy—his stop wasn’t until the end of the line. He groaned. This felt like it was going on forever.

 

Finally—after another half-hour of pushing his sleeping neighbor off of his shoulder and wiping the spit off his shirt—Bartholomew shot up excitedly as the train jerked to a gut-wrenching stop. He hastily unbuckled his belt and pushed his way past the sleeping man, who mumbled something about a cheeseburger in his slumber. He sprinted to the sliding door, and was the first one to exit through it.

 

He fell through the door and onto the dimly-lit train platform. The place was large and empty, with smooth concrete floor, walls, and ceiling. It was lit by hanging lights that descended from the ceiling and cast a dim glow on the floor. A moth flew repeatedly at one of the bulbs, making a quiet clinking sound.

 

There were four stairways up out of the train station. Bartholomew ran for and up the closest one, and into the light.

 

The sun dazzled his eyes when it first hit them; he was momentarily blinded.

When he regained his sight he took a moment to survey his surroundings, as well as recover from his nausea before starting on the way to his school. It should be starting about fifteen minutes from now, and the school was about three blocks away. He would arrive on time, if not a little earlier. He set off.

 

Something rattled on the sidewalk behind him. He reached a hand into the pocket of his worn coat, and felt around. He glowered. There was a large hole in the pocket. He turned around and quickly gathered up the coins that had fallen through the hole off the sidewalk. He would need those to pay for school.

 

Bartholomew’s family was poor. They barely had enough money for food every day, yet his parents insisted that most of it be used to put him through school. It made him angry—to think that for once he could have a decent meal, but instead he had to learn long division, and write essays. There was no school in their village, so he had to ride the train into the city to learn there.

 

He roused himself from his thoughts. There were seven minutes left, and he still couldn’t see his school. He quickened his pace.

 

Something twinkled out of the corner of his eye. He stopped and turned around. Laying in a puddle in the gutter by the street was a wallet.

 

A wallet.

 

He walked over and stooped down to pick it up. It was made of leather, and it felt smooth in his hands. He could tell it was old by its surface worn from a life of use. He opened it eagerly.

 

The smiling face of a beautiful young girl stared out at him from a photograph in the wallet. She had silky brown hair and smooth tan skin. He ignored her and opened a velcro pocket on the inside.

 

Out spilled a handful of sparkling metal coins. He stared at them hungrily. Right then, they were the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

 

He counted them up.

 

He gasped.

 

There was enough money for… well, almost anything he could think of! He could give it to his parents; they would buy food for the family! But no… they surely would use it for school. He wouldn’t give it to them.

 

He could buy his own food! He could have the first decent meal in his life!

 

He could—

 

His fantasies were interrupted by the ring of the school bell. He was late! He must have been fantasizing for a full six minutes! He hastily stuffed the coins into his jacket pocket—the one with the hole—and sprinted off to the school.

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Yes, that's the Muslim belief. Jesus as God is a tenet of nearly all extant branches of Christianity and most of the defunct ones as well. And even then most of the debate is over how much humanity got mixed into the divinity.

 

—Alorael, who believes in Jesus as a platonic solid. Or ideal. He gets them confused.

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