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ALOM Commentary: Scrapwork


Student of Trinity

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I may change the title of this chapter. I couldn't think of a name until 'Aftermath' occurred to me as a lame joke, since Anastasia quits math at the end of Chapter 4. Maybe just something like 'Shooting high,' since that embraces both the shot in the air when the native dad walks in, and the bizarre effect of the skull talisman at the end.

 

This one is a mixture of stuff that has been planned so long I don't remember at all when I got the idea, stuff that was planned out more recently, and stuff that came to me just as I wrote the chapter up. It leaves the chapter a sort of jumble, but that can't be helped.

 

The reminiscence about the childhood roc-hunting was something that came to me in Chapter 4, which was already too long.

 

The self-loading rifle is part of a developing plot line that I dreamt up a few weeks ago. Some amount of technical detail about equipment is going to be a chronic affliction of this story, I'm afraid.

 

The outburst from Anastasia's mom was a spur-of-the-moment invention. It seemed as though not even Anastasia's parents could just ignore something like what had just happened. Plus, this is all fantasy, anyway. What's being able to fly or cast spells, compared to not having to listen to your mother?

 

The cloud mine class was planned from Chapter 2. It's something Anastasia should logically be doing, having invented a new kind of weapon. Also, establishing that she has a skill to teach will provide part of the explanation for why she soon heads off to Morandau Mill: she'll be an exchange instructor, like Huygens or the ground mine teacher mentioned in Chapter 2.

 

The episode with the native father walking into the Morandau square in search of his son just popped into my head a few days ago. It immediately seemed like something Anastasia would have to deal with. I considered whether she would shoot him, but although comparably grim things will happen in this story, that just seemed like stupid crap, and it's a basic premise of the story that Anastasia doesn't put up with stupid crap. The fact that Morandau children are mostly horrid monsters will be important much later, maybe not until volume 2, but it's already important to establish that this is anything but a militaristic Utopia. The Morandau are not as bad as people think, but they're not the good guys. Yerzy is prepared to let Anastasia's decision stand, but he would not have objected if she had shot these two intruders, either.

 

I had to think hard about how the heck the Morandau House sentries would ever let a native just walk into the place. I was thinking I might have to postpone that episode to some later, less competently guarded setting. It took embarrassingly long for me to realize that the cloud mine lesson, which was already in the chapter anyway, provided an obvious excuse.

 

The last scene, with the discovery of what the skull totem is really doing, has been planned since I came up with the skull in the first place. I can't remember at all now when that was, or how I came up with it. I've realized that I have some retcon work to do here, though. In chapters 1 and 3 I have already implied that Anastasia knows the skull is affecting her, rather than deflecting her bullets, but then in chapter 5 it's made out to be a great surprise. What I need to do is smooth this out more. Even at the beginning she ought to suspect that the skull has done something to her, enough to bother checking, after the skull has been removed and covered, that she can still shoot properly. For one thing, it's already correctly implied that she's never sure her gift won't go away; she makes a point of checking on it several times a year. So she's prepared to believe that something could interrupt her uncanny talent. She's also educated enough to be skeptical of bullet deflection. But on the other hand she knows that technology exists that she doesn't understand. She should not rule out deflection absolutely.

 

Then in chapter 5 it should be clear that she is not so much astounded that the skull is affecting her rather than her bullets, but mainly shocked by the fact that her eyes are really deceiving her at point-blank range. She can see her own gunsights pointing straight at her target, but the image is an unconscious confabulation. Her eyes as well as her hand are being deceived. As one may perhaps guess, the effect involved will be a way of turning Anastasia's game-breaking gift of accuracy into a terrific handicap, whenever the story needs it. Kind of like Kryptonite. Sorry, kid.

 

It also has to be made clear in Chapter 1 that she is simply out of range of the skull's effect, when she does that successful check of shooting at the little totem on the gate. So there are all kinds of little details that have to be straightened out in a story like this. I've always been a nitpicker about plot details like this. Half the fun of writing a story myself is fixing up these little things. Most of the pain will probably be, not quite fixing all of them. We'll see.

 

Some more about how the skull works has also been fixed for some time, but I am still working on some other features. I think it has to be powered by a thermoelectric generator running on Strontium-90. The Morandau don't understand that kind of technology, but they have seen it before and might recognize it. Do they have Geiger counters? Would a Strontium-90 source that was well enough shielded to be safe for a user even show up on a Geiger counter? Probably they don't have Geiger counters.

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