Jump to content
Par Compensation

Slarty Ranks Everything for President

Recommended Posts

In the previous topic, I ranked everything and anything.  Totally subjectively.  People posted whatever they wanted me to rank, and I added it to the current list.  New items were inserted at whatever ranking was appropriate.

 

This time, I'm going to rank who I'd like to see as President of the United States.  But I'm not going to do something boring like only ranking the actual candidates.  Instead, you can suggest whoever you want.

 

Suggestions do not even have to be American -- or human -- or alive -- or nonfictional.  (Or over thirty-five, for that matter.)  Suggestions do have to be persons; I can't really evaluate Nethergate for President.

 

You can make a few different suggestions in one post if you like.  To keep things interesting, let's say no actual candidates until the list has at least 20 other people on it, and even then no more than one actual candidate per post.

 

 Let the pointless wanking ranking begin!  It is happening again!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)

Billie Holiday, Ayn Rand, Julie D'Aubigny, Simone de Beauvoir, Olga of Kiev, Cleopatra, Elizabeth Báthory, Lady Gaga.

 

EDIT: I suddenly regret putting down Cleopatra, because I kinda want you to rank not just the non-fictional Cleopatra but various fictional portrayals of her as well. Ah well, she can stay. Maybe if you're feeling bored and want some extra credits.

 

Edited by Dintiradan
(test)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Multivac

Ken Burns

227 chitrachs wearing a human suit

King Arthur

The Doctor of Doctor Who (any or all)

Benjamin Franklin

An arbitrary Mind from the Culture

Lord Havelock Vetinari

Cardinal Richelieu (real or Three Musketeers)

 

—Alorael, who doesn't belong on this list and asks to be omitted.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Doc, Happy, Grumpy, Bashful, Dopey, Sleepy, Sneezy, and Sleazy (8th dwarf mentioned in a TV show)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Interesting picks!  This has turned out to be a bit of a difficult task, trying to balance assessments of potential governing competency with those of likely ideological approach.  Here's the list so far:

 

Simone de Beauvoir
Sylak
Micah
Graham Nelson
Lady Gaga
Empress Prazac
Lord Havelock Vetinari
King Arthur
Cleopatra (Shakespeare)
Olga of Kiev
The Doctor
Melanchion
Starrus
Gladwell
Manfred Redmark
Billie Holiday
Ken Burns
Multivac
Ayn Rand
Cleopatra (real)
Cardinal Richelieu
Spider
One of the 7 dwarves (Disney)
Julie d'Aubigny
Hawthorne
Dorikas
Elizabeth Báthory
Smaug


Multivac would be a lot higher, except for that one pesky fatal problem.

I don't actually find much need to separate the Doctors on this one, though perhaps if I cared more about that property I might.

I also don't find much need to separate the Disney dwarves on this one.

 

Interestingly, while it's easy to think of some people I'd take over Simone de Beauvoir, Smaug has got to be pretty close to the bottom of the list.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The sad thing is that I'd be sorely tempted to vote for Smaug over Donald. 😂

 

Let's add

Harcourt Fenton Mudd

Jean-luc Picard

Mary Shelley

Abigail Adams

Darth Vader

R2-D2

Faramir (book version, not film version)

Grima Wormtongue

Puddleglum

Eowyn

Marle (a.k.a. Nadia)

Frog (a.k.a. Glenn)
Lucca
Robo (a.k.a. Prometheus)
Ayla

Magus (a.k.a. Janus)

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Emperor Palpatine

Governor Tarkin

Admiral Adama

Honor Harrington

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Henri III of France, Archduke Ernst von Habsburg of Austria, Johan III of Sweden, Ivan IV ("The Terrible") of Russia.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Additions in bold:

 

 

Lucca

Simone de Beauvoir

Eowyn
Sylak

Robo
Micah

Jean-Luc Picard

Frog
Graham Nelson
Lady Gaga
Empress Prazac

Abigail Adams

Honor Harrington

R2-D2

Magus
Lord Havelock Vetinari
King Arthur
Cleopatra (Shakespeare)

Mary Shelley

Puddleglum
Olga of Kiev
The Doctor

Ayla
Melanchion

Faramir
Starrus
Gladwell
Manfred Redmark
Billie Holiday
Ken Burns

Marle
Multivac

Henri III
Ayn Rand
Cleopatra (real)
Cardinal Richelieu

Darth Vader
Spider
One of the 7 dwarves (Disney)
Julie d'Aubigny

Grima, Wormtongue

Harcourt Fenton Mudd

Ivan the Terrible
Hawthorne

Emperor Palpatine
Dorikas
Elizabeth Báthory
Smaug

 


Adama: I have to claim ignorance, I'm afraid, having never watched any of it and not feeling like Wikipedia will be adequate in this case.

 

A few of these somewhat obscure historical rulers I'm having to leave out because I don't know much about them and I don't feel like I can generate adequate context to rank them accurately without significant research.

 

There are a few names now where I see the potential for them to deserve a higher ranking, but have lowered them due to concerns that might or might not surface -- as with Multivac, I suppose.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ooh, I could get behind Puddleglum for President. Presumably his ad campaign would be "Mourning in America".

 

Fantasy leaders round:

 

Aragorn

Rand al'Thor

Richard Rahl

Albus Dumbledore

Aslan

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Professor Oak
Guybrush Ulysses Threepwood
Abed's Evil Doppelganger
Robot Steve Irwin from the Future
The goat from Goat Simulator
Seth McFarlane
 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Lucca

Simone de Beauvoir

Eowyn
Sylak

Robo
Micah

Jean-Luc Picard

Aragorn

Frog
Graham Nelson
Lady Gaga
Empress Prazac

Abigail Adams

Honor Harrington

R2-D2

Magus
Lord Havelock Vetinari
King Arthur
Cleopatra (Shakespeare)

Mary Shelley

Puddleglum

Professor Oak
Olga of Kiev
The Doctor

Ayla
Melanchion

Faramir
Dumbledore

Starrus
Gladwell
Manfred Redmark
Billie Holiday
Ken Burns

Marle
Multivac

Seth MacFarlane

Aslan

Henri III
Ayn Rand
Cleopatra (real)
Cardinal Richelieu

Pilgor the Goat

Darth Vader

Evil Abed
Spider
Rand al'Thor

One of the 7 dwarves (Disney)

Guybrush Threepwood
Julie d'Aubigny

Grima, Wormtongue

Harcourt Fenton Mudd

Ivan the Terrible
Hawthorne

Emperor Palpatine
Dorikas
Elizabeth Báthory
Smaug

 

Rahl: Don't know and seems difficult to briefly assess.

Aslan: Boy, you gave me some trouble with this one!

Robot Steve Irwin from the Future: If this is a thing I can't find it.  Is this a thing?

Goat simulator goat: Pilgor is a good stand-in for not having a President at all, basically.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)

Cleopatra Jones, another fictional Cleopatra.

Lyndon Larouche, because he always was running for president for some reason.

David St. Hubbins, Nigel Tufnel, Derek Smalls, because a topic this weird needs some Spinal Tap.

 

Boudica (I've seen her name spelt many different ways, so I'll go with the wiki spelling)

Princess Leia, to fill out the Star Wars set a little

Edited by darint
Edit: (a couple more I thought of later)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

America's Asset round:

 

Captain America (Earth-616)

Captain America (Ultimate Universe)

Captain America (Marvel Cinematic Universe)

Captain America (Hydra Supreme)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Miss Piggy

Mal Reynolds

Kikuchiyo - the seventh samurai who was really a farmer's son

Eeyore

Erika Redmark

Aeryn Sun

(Looking at the current incumbent) George Wickham

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

1. Calling Pat Paulsen a presidential candidate seems a little misleading, but I guess he technically was on the primary ballot in New Hampshire a few times.

2. Don't hate me, but I never liked Spinal Tap, and haven't watched it in maybe 25 years, so I don't have much on those guys.

3. Just like last time I think it would be best not to include any forum members in the ranking.  (Though honestly, a lot of you might end up with a relatively decent ranking.)

4. Oh good, the Marvel alternate universes are back.  Initially I was going to just do one Cap for the comics and one for the modern movies.  Ultimately, though, I have pretty much the same opinion of both of them.  Captain America is easily one of least unfaithful of the MCU adaptations.  And despite how often I hear him invoked as an exemplar of Lawful Good, and despite the flag, he's been operating shockingly deep in progressive, civil-libertarian territory since at least the 70's.

5. I think one Genesis member is enough.

6. Farscape goes in the "haven't watched, not sure I can briefly assess" category.

7. On further consideration, I'm moving Eowyn, Frog, Graham Nelson, and Aragorn down a varying but small number of steps.

 

Lucca

Simone de Beauvoir

Robo
Princess Leia

Henry Agard Wallace

Sylak

Eowyn

Micah

Jean-Luc Picard

Lady Gaga

Erika Redmark

Captain America

Aragorn

Frog
Graham Nelson
Empress Prazac

Abigail Adams

Honor Harrington

R2-D2

Magus
Lord Havelock Vetinari
King Arthur
Cleopatra (Shakespeare)

Peter Gabriel

Mary Shelley

Puddleglum

Professor Oak
Cleopatra Jones

Olga of Kiev

Boudica
The Doctor

Ayla
Melanchion

Faramir
Dumbledore

Starrus
Gladwell
Manfred Redmark
Billie Holiday
Ken Burns

Eeyore

Marle
Multivac

Pat Paulsen

Seth MacFarlane

Mal Reynolds

Aslan

Henri III
Ayn Rand
Cleopatra (real)
Cardinal Richelieu

Pilgor the Goat

Kikuchiyo

Miss Piggy

Lyndon LaRouche

Darth Vader

Evil Abed
Spider
Rand al'Thor

One of the 7 dwarves (Disney)

Guybrush Threepwood
Julie d'Aubigny

Grima, Wormtongue

Harcourt Fenton Mudd

George Wickham

Ivan the Terrible
Hawthorne

Emperor Palpatine
Dorikas
Elizabeth Báthory
Smaug

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Orson Welles, Shodan, Zapp Brannigan(got get one at the bottom of the list), Lisa Simpson.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 6/29/2019 at 2:29 PM, Dintiradan said:

Billie Holiday, Ayn Rand, Julie D'Aubigny, Simone de Beauvoir, Olga of Kiev, Cleopatra, Elizabeth Báthory, Lady Gaga.

 

EDIT: I suddenly regret putting down Cleopatra, because I kinda want you to rank not just the non-fictional Cleopatra but various fictional portrayals of her as well. Ah well, she can stay. Maybe if you're feeling bored and want some extra credits.

 

Not to mention, that "Cleopatra" usually refers to the Cleopatra the 9th, but could also refer to any of the previous ones.

 

I would add "The Shareware Demon".  And also ask if these are listed from best to worst or the other way around.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Cortana (Halo version)

George Jetson

Yogi Bear

Yosemite Sam

Daddy Warbucks

Jonny Quest

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

1. Inadequate familiarity, sorry: Shodan, Cortana, Jonny Quest, Hari Seldon.

2. A few other minor shifts up and down.  This list has gotten sprawling enough that if it's just a couple of places, I think I'm just going to make those when I see them without comment -- that's pretty minor.

3. For the Avatar folks, placing Sokka and Iroh was easy, but I actually found myself surprised by the order in which I ended up putting the four primary benders.

4. I'm also surprised that something else still hasn't happened at all.

 

Lucca

Simone de Beauvoir

Robo
Princess Leia

Henry Agard Wallace
Micah

Uncle Iroh

Jean-Luc Picard

Lady Gaga

Erika Redmark

Zuko

Sylak

Eowyn

Captain America

Aragorn

Katara

Frog
Graham Nelson
Empress Prazac

Abigail Adams

Honor Harrington

Lisa Simpson

R2-D2

Magus

Aang
Lord Havelock Vetinari
King Arthur
Cleopatra (Shakespeare)

Peter Gabriel

Orson Welles

Mary Shelley

Puddleglum

Professor Oak

Sherlock Holmes

Ayla

Cleopatra Jones

Zaphod Beeblebrox

Olga of Kiev

Boudica
The Doctor
Toph

Julius Martov

Melanchion

Faramir
Dumbledore

Starrus
Gladwell
Manfred Redmark
Billie Holiday
Ken Burns

Eeyore

Marle
Multivac

Sokka

Pat Paulsen

Seth MacFarlane

Mal Reynolds

Aslan

Henri III
Ayn Rand
Cleopatra (real)

Daddy Warbucks
Cardinal Richelieu

Pilgor the Goat

Kikuchiyo

Miss Piggy

Lyndon LaRouche

Darth Vader

Evil Abed
Spider
Rand al'Thor

Yosemite Sam

George Jetson

One of the 7 dwarves (Disney)

Guybrush Threepwood
Julie d'Aubigny

Zapp Brannigan

Grima, Wormtongue

Yogi Bear

Harcourt Fenton Mudd

George Wickham

Ivan the Terrible
Hawthorne

Emperor Palpatine
Dorikas
Elizabeth Báthory
Smaug

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Caligula
Nero
Genghis Khan
Leonidas I
Burger King
Redbeard

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Republican round:

 

Cincinnatus

Scipio Africanus

Cato the Elder

Cato the Younger

Sulla

Cicero

Crassus

Pompey

Julius Caesar

Spartacus

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

James Kirk

Kathryn Janeway

Benjamin Sisko

Lord British

Werdna

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

1. Nero: way too much ambiguity in the historical record for me to place him with any precision.

2. Leonidas, Spartacus: inadequate detail to say much beyond "eh"

3. Burger King: zero detail :)

4. Cinipioatoato: despite my love of antiquity, and with apologies, I just don't care about some of these guys.

 

I'm also interested to note that there is now at least one person on the list whom I view identically to one of the current candidates.  Not only would I rank them together, I see them as having exactly the same strengths and weaknesses.

 

Lucca

Simone de Beauvoir

Robo
Princess Leia

Henry Agard Wallace
Micah

Uncle Iroh

Jean-Luc Picard

Lady Gaga

Erika Redmark

Zuko

Sylak

Eowyn

Captain America

Aragorn

Katara

Frog
Graham Nelson
Empress Prazac

Abigail Adams

Honor Harrington

Lisa Simpson

R2-D2

Magus

Aang
Lord Havelock Vetinari
King Arthur
Cleopatra (Shakespeare)

Peter Gabriel

Orson Welles

Mary Shelley

Kathryn Janeway

Puddleglum

Professor Oak

Sherlock Holmes

Ayla

Cleopatra Jones

Redbeard

Zaphod Beeblebrox

Julius Caesar

Olga of Kiev

Boudica

Cicero
The Doctor
Toph

Julius Martov

Lord British

Melanchion

Faramir
Dumbledore

Starrus
Gladwell
Manfred Redmark
Billie Holiday
Ken Burns

Eeyore

Marle
Multivac

Sokka

Pat Paulsen

Seth MacFarlane

Werdna

Mal Reynolds

Aslan

James T. Kirk

Henri III
Ayn Rand
Cleopatra (real)

Daddy Warbucks
Cardinal Richelieu

Sulla

Pilgor the Goat

Kikuchiyo

Miss Piggy

Lyndon LaRouche

Benjamin Sisko

Darth Vader

Evil Abed

Crassus

Pompey
Spider
Rand al'Thor

Caligula

Yosemite Sam

George Jetson

One of the 7 dwarves (Disney)

Guybrush Threepwood
Julie d'Aubigny

Zapp Brannigan

Grima, Wormtongue

Yogi Bear

Harcourt Fenton Mudd

George Wickham

Ivan the Terrible
Genghis Khan

Hawthorne

Emperor Palpatine
Dorikas
Elizabeth Báthory
Smaug

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
18 minutes ago, Damp Annals said:

I'm also interested to note that there is now at least one person on the list whom I view identically to one of the current candidates.  Not only would I rank them together, I see them as having exactly the same strengths and weaknesses.

Marianne Williamson and Genghis Khan, obviously.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Bob the Builder
Caillou
Clifford the Big Red Dog

Wishbone

Curious George

Sir Topham Hatt

Pat Sajak

Blaise Pascal

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Alright, let's see if I can knock Smaug off his throne:

 

AM (I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

For the sake of not putting this off any longer I'm going to stick to people I can evaluate based on what I already know and/or through simple googling.  Sorry, historical conquerors whose actual actions I am slightly vague on!  I'll come back to you later if I have time.

 

Lucca

Simone de Beauvoir

Robo
Princess Leia

Buffy Summers

Henry Agard Wallace
Micah

Uncle Iroh

Jean-Luc Picard

Lady Gaga

Erika Redmark

Zuko

Sylak

Eowyn

Captain America

Aragorn

Katara

Frog
Graham Nelson
Empress Prazac

Abigail Adams

Honor Harrington

Lisa Simpson

R2-D2

Magus

Aang
Lord Havelock Vetinari
King Arthur
Cleopatra (Shakespeare)

Peter Gabriel

Orson Welles

Mary Shelley

Kathryn Janeway

Puddleglum

Professor Oak

Sherlock Holmes

Ayla

Cleopatra Jones

Redbeard

Zaphod Beeblebrox

Julius Caesar

Blaise Pascal

Olga of Kiev

Boudica

Cicero
The Doctor
Toph

Julius Martov

Lord British

Melanchion

Faramir
Dumbledore

Starrus
Gladwell
Manfred Redmark
Bob the Builder

Billie Holiday
Ken Burns

Eeyore

Marle
Multivac

Sokka

Pat Paulsen

Seth MacFarlane

Khan Noonien Singh

Werdna

Mal Reynolds

Clifford the Big Red Dog

Aslan

Sir Topham Hatt

James T. Kirk

Henri III
Ayn Rand
Cleopatra (real)

Daddy Warbucks
Pat Sajak

Cardinal Richelieu

Sulla

Lavos

Pilgor the Goat

Curious George

Kikuchiyo

Miss Piggy

Lyndon LaRouche

Lady Macbeth

Benjamin Sisko

Darth Vader

Evil Abed

Crassus

Pompey
Spider
Rand al'Thor

Caligula

Yosemite Sam

George Jetson

One of the 7 dwarves (Disney)

Guybrush Threepwood
Julie d'Aubigny

Zapp Brannigan

Grima, Wormtongue

Yogi Bear

Kylo Ren

Harcourt Fenton Mudd

George Wickham

Ivan the Terrible
Genghis Khan

Morgoth

The White Witch

Hawthorne

Emperor Palpatine
Dorikas
Elizabeth Báthory

Kefka
Smaug

The Allied Mastercomputer

 

I wasn't sure Smaug was going to be dethroned, but you did it, Dinti.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
21 hours ago, Damp Annals said:

I wasn't sure Smaug was going to be dethroned, but you did it, Dinti.

Pretty tough to think of anything worse than AM. Happy (?) to be proven wrong, though.

 

Ancient Greece round:

 

Socrates

Plato

Aristotle

Diogenes

Epicurus

Archimedes

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
22 hours ago, Damp Annals said:

I wasn't sure Smaug was going to be dethroned, but you did it, Dinti.

 

Excellent! Now that Smaug's not top of the leader board, he's bound to win! Smaug for president! A vote for Smaug is a vote for non-human life everywhere!

 

In any case, here's another triptych, although perhaps a little more conventional this time:

 

1. Mary Poppins

2. Queen Elizabeth II

3. Queen Elizabeth I

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)
  • Patches from Dark Souls
  • A bonewheel
  • Shaper Rawal
  • Mufasa
  • Skynet
  • Pol Pot
  • Chief Keef
  • An average 4chan user
  • Hitler
  • Jigsaw
  • Gaius Marius
  • John Wick
  • Michael Scott
  • Bugs Moran
  • Alex Jones
  • Thanos
  • Earl Bradley
Edited by JackEKnoff

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Again for the sake of not putting this off any longer, I'll be leaving some out for want of ease of looking up.

Archimedes: not enough is known about him, really.

Still no actual candidates or past U.S. presidents...

 

Lucca

Simone de Beauvoir

Robo
Princess Leia

Buffy Summers

Henry Agard Wallace
Micah

Uncle Iroh

Jean-Luc Picard

Lady Gaga

Erika Redmark

Zuko

Mary Poppins

Socrates

Sylak

Eowyn

Captain America

Aragorn

Katara

Frog

Plato
Graham Nelson
Empress Prazac

Abigail Adams

Honor Harrington

Lisa Simpson

Thanos (comics)

R2-D2

Aristotle

Magus

Diogenes the Cynic

Aang
Lord Havelock Vetinari
King Arthur
Cleopatra (Shakespeare)

Peter Gabriel

Orson Welles

Mary Shelley

Epicurus

Kathryn Janeway

Puddleglum

Professor Oak

Sherlock Holmes

Ayla

Cleopatra Jones

Redbeard

Zaphod Beeblebrox

Julius Caesar

Blaise Pascal

Olga of Kiev

Boudica

Cicero
The Doctor
Toph

Julius Martov

Lord British

Queen Elizabeth I

Melanchion

Faramir
Dumbledore

Starrus
Gladwell
Manfred Redmark
Bob the Builder

Billie Holiday
Ken Burns

Eeyore

Marle
Multivac

Sokka

Pat Paulsen

Seth MacFarlane

Khan Noonien Singh

Werdna

Mal Reynolds

Queen Elizabeth II

Clifford the Big Red Dog

Aslan

Sir Topham Hatt

James T. Kirk

Henri III
Ayn Rand
Cleopatra (real)

Daddy Warbucks
Pat Sajak

Cardinal Richelieu

Sulla

Lavos

Pilgor the Goat

Curious George

Kikuchiyo

Miss Piggy

Lyndon LaRouche

Lady Macbeth

Benjamin Sisko

Darth Vader

Evil Abed

Crassus

Pompey
Spider
Rand al'Thor

Caligula

Yosemite Sam

George Jetson

One of the 7 dwarves (Disney)

Guybrush Threepwood

Boris Johnson
Julie d'Aubigny

Zapp Brannigan

Pol Pot

Grima, Wormtongue

Yogi Bear

Shaper Rawal

Kylo Ren

Harcourt Fenton Mudd

George Wickham

Ivan the Terrible
Genghis Khan

Morgoth

The White Witch

Hawthorne

Hitler

Emperor Palpatine
Dorikas
Elizabeth Báthory

Kefka
Smaug

The Allied Mastercomputer

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
57 minutes ago, Damp Annals said:

Still no actual candidates or past U.S. presidents...

If FDR had died four months earlier, Wallace would've been president! And then he and LaRouche were actual candidates, but not really viable ones.

 

Anyway:

FDR

HST

DDE

JFK

LBJ

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
12 hours ago, Edgwyn said:

I would pick Yogi Bear over Pol Pot

I'm sure Slarty would have rated Pol Pot lower if he had a handlebar moustache.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Just approaching the gate:

 

Archdemon Urthemiel

Captain Hook

Le Petit Prince

The Hero of Kvatch

Captain Ahab

Maid Marion

Lightning (FF)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...