I want my Fanfic to be as accurate as possible!

[SpiderBalls]

I'm writing a fanfiction of G4 involving the G1 protagonist. It's Titled "Shades of the Awakened". I'm pretty sure this is how you change the title, ...somehow.

This summary is terrible, the story (hopefully) will not be.

Edited December 17, 2014 by SpiderBalls

[Jerakeen]

Can't really help you there, I just wanted to say...

 

I choose to believe that the mouse is sitting on a tiny whoopee cushion.

[SpiderBalls]

That helps... no one.

[Slawbug]

If you look through the Geneforge forum archives, there are some topics that might be relevant. I know I've done some research and math on it before. I doubt anyone can pull those numbers off the top of their head, though. You may need to roll up your sleeves for this one.

[Randomizer]

There is also a range for the times between each game based on reoccurring characters and estimates of their ages.

[SpiderBalls]

Who wants read an excerpt from my work? I want to know how well received this thing is going to be, so here's a bit of it (full prologue will be posted within 2 days if all goes well )

[SpiderBalls]

Shades of the Awakened: Prologue- In Which Our Hero Blunders, And The Blade Is Not Amused

 

Gaia, the lone Shaper of Sucia Isle, was doing a final check on the five creations in the abandoned school she converted into her Shaping Hall. As the Shaper walked through the lab, located some miles north of Vakkiri, she began to talk to herself: “Maybe I should check on the rest of the creations before I go… meh. I can do it when I get back.” Exiting the newly refurbished building, she began to lock up. “I need to get to the City within the week for the rest of the equipment. Until then, they should be fine on their own. “ Finishing up, she rested her head on the gate. “I wonder if she’ll show up… I know that I messed up before, but honestly, I didn’t mean for any of it to happen. I thought I secured it before; I didn’t know, I… I didn’t—“. Images rushed into her head, even as a darkness bloomed within her: a blasted wasteland, infested with rogues; dozens of enraged shades flying along the ice-encrusted ground, following the call of a robed figure in red plate; the same figure on the back of an enormous Drayk-like creation, flying straight toward a servile running in terror below—

AAAAAAND That's all for now, folks! What do you think? Constructive feedback is appreciated (constructive, mind you, Jerakeen) and thanks again.

[Triumph]

Constructive criticism?

 

I'd say it needs more cranes and cement mixers.

[SpiderBalls]

Well it is just an excerpt. I'll post the full chapter when everything is up to par. And regarding your 'cranes and cement mixers' quip, may I point out the No. 1 rule of comedy, 'Don't Punch Down'? I just want to know if my writing style leaves anything to be desired to the reader so they don't have to suffer through a whole chapter of it.

[SpiderBalls]

Wait, that one mote is totally wrong. This is... better, i guess.

[SpiderBalls]

*EMOTE! GAH, can't type today!

[Slawbug]

You may appreciate the "Edit" button in such cases, which can also save you from making so many posts in a row.

[SpiderBalls]

Thank you, Slartibus... Wait, so is no one reading that excerpt? I need to make this clickbait. How do i change the thread name?

[Slawbug]

...You do not need to make this clickbait. Not everyone here is interested in reading fanfics.

[SpiderBalls]

Well crap. I see your point, but I simply wanted to attract those who would be. On another note, should I put up my prologue before midnight, or smooth it out a bit and post it around noon tomorrow?

[Randomizer]

Take your time since we have members from all around the world. Jeff once posted a game release date and got complaints in wasn't out at 12:01 AM New Zealand time when Jeff lives in Pacific time zone.

[Hyena of Ice]

Are Alwan or Greta in it at all? Because I have a list of their personality and behavioral traits from G3 that I've developed (note that these may have changed by G4)

[SpiderBalls]

I should clarify that this is post-game G4, rebel ending, where Greta is alive, and Alwan is believed dead-- slight deviance from the ending of my own playthrough, which was trakovite (on a different note, can i point out how jacked up THAT ending was? Taking a course that was, arguably, the wisest, either *SPOILER* gets your butt executed or jailed for life. Makes you think...) As for your traits, Hyena, I believe I can make use of those, with some modification to better fit the parts of her personality I saw in G4.

[Hyena of Ice]

Okay, this is what I have so far.

 

 

 

GENERAL

--The shaper academy, from what I can tell, is like a college. This means that students probably join when they're 18 at the youngest. If I had to wager a guess, I would say that the PC and Greta are at least 20 or 21 (for the purpose of drinking alcohol/it being legal in the American cultural sense)

--A major difference from the previous two games is that you're still in the academy, whereas in G1 and 2, you were still an apprentice, but had finished your education at the academy and must now undergo several years worth of field work (In G2, I think... Shanti is supposed to be your monitor.)

 

ALWAN

MAJOR

--Alwan is your senior; when introduced to him, the narration states that unlike you, he is near graduation/initiation. This means that he is probably 1-2 years older than you. (does this mean that he has performed some amount of field work under a monitor? Seems unlikely, but the two previous games made it clear that one has to go through 4-5 years of post-education field work before they can become initiated. Plot hole, perhaps?)

--I was initially confused as to why he defers to you as "Shaper" (i.e. acts as a subordinate) due to the above, until I realized that it has to do with his preference to taking orders rather than making them.

--Alwan tows the official shaper line that outsiders and esp. serviles owe the Shapers for all the good they've done. He does not appear to support the idea that intelligent serviles deserve independence, and in fact tows the official line that those with any sort of rebellious tendences (even if they try to suppress them like Tor) have to be dealt with (though how is not elaborated)

--Alwan is not actually callous towards the serviles. In the Captured Bridge near the beginning of the game, he voices sympathy for the lost serviles, and unlike the official shaper stance, there's no hint that he has a problem with intelligent serviles so long as they are obedient.

--He seems to hold a condescending view of outsiders typical of the shapers. In addition, I don't think I've ever seen him shown any indignation over outsiders being killed or harmed.

--Like a typical shaper, he is completely intolerant of rebels. In one instance on Harmony Isle (Shen dialogue), he dehumanizes a rebel by referring to her as "this creature".

--Alwan has a very bad temper, though as the game progresses, it evens out a bit and he learns how to control himself a lot better-- he also learns the importance of keeping his mouth shut by the time you reach Gull island.

--As the story develops, Alwan gradually learns how to think for himself (unlike the typical guardian) His preference for orders is still present by the time you reach San Ru as there is a (possibly dummied) dialogue in the Roamer Marsh where he complains about how hard it is not to have orders to constantly follow.

The first signs that he begins to think for himself occur just before you leave the Harmony West Docks and comes up again on the outskirts of Fort Wilton after being approached by Kaba.

On the outskirts of the Southern Gull Docks (Beastmaster Woods) is when he decides to become a part of the shaper council, as he believes that the Shapers' dealings with the rebels and unappreciative outsiders/serviles has been too lenient. After seeing Shaper Agatha's crimes, he also wants to become a council member to route out the corruption he has seen.

--By the time you reach Dhonal Isle, Alwan goes from warning you not to let outsiders hear your pro-rebel sentiments to recognizing the possible value of tricking the rebels. On Gull Island he fully recognizes the value of doing this.

--Though he does not say it outright, Alwan seems to allude that he doesn't always like to treat creations so harshly or withhold protection from non-rebel outsiders. This comes up a few times when he responds to pro-rebel sentiments by Greta and the player by responding that being a shaper is hard and requires (inner) strength. Likewise, he attributes Greta's pro-creation sentiments (and the reason she got expelled) to "being weak"

He uses the same accusation towards the shapers for the existence of the rebellion to begin with (too lenient or inconsistent with punishments and enforcement), along with shaper crimes and allowing Shaper structures to fall into rebel hands (in the former case, that the Shapers like Agatha who went dirty were weak) He views treating creations and rebels with more understanding or compassion as "an invitation to weakness" and to be a contributor to the rebellion in G3.

MINOR/BEHAVIORAL TRAITS AND QUIRKS

--Alwan becomes gradually more accepting of Greta in the party. From the Infested Swamp onward, he is not as mean to her, and seems to think that she is "cleaning up her act"

--Alwan sometimes makes close/personal contact with the player, usually by placing a hand on his/her shoulder to tell them something, whispering to them, or in the case of Maker's End, looking over their shoulder to read Agatha's Diary. In contrast, Greta never does any of this. (unless you count her response to you about the Essence Shade in the Kentia Mines-- which is identical to Alwan's and clearly his line)

--Alwan has a tendency to mutter or grumble to himself when annoyed. If the player addresses this in a purely inquisitive or casual manner, he apologizes for doing so, sometimes becoming embarrassed.

--Alwan is superstitious-- he believes in an afterlife, and his superstition may also have played a role in his sheer terror at the sight of the mindeater shade that possessed General Greiner.

--When travelling, Alwan is described as keeping silent while vigilantly looking around for enemies, like you do.

--He never addresses (or speaks to you about) Greta by name. In contrast, there is one instance during one of the few times she addresses him where she says his name.

--He also has a bad habit of frequently butting into conversations between Greta and the PC, mostly prior to Dhonal Isle.

ATTIRE

Alwan is described as wearing a cloak when you reach the Isle of Spears, though it's unknown whether he wore one through the entire game or not.

 

GRETA

MAJOR

--When introduced to Greta, she is described as a fellow student. Thus she is likely the same age as the PC, and of the same class year.

--Greta's character development does not undergo the same degree of changes that Alwan's does.

--Greta is a bleeding heart, egalitarian, and idealist which is at the core of her personality and motives. As such, she doesn't actually want to see shapers get killed outside of direct defense for self or others. However, as the story progresses, she tends to see no other alternative.

--As an adjunct to the above, Greta voices many times that she likes little about the individuals heading the rebellion, often labelling them as monsters or savages, but she sees no other choice but to support them. Her concern is primarily for the downtrodden innocents among them.

--Greta has a problem with not thinking her ideas through. You often see this with extended dialogues if you talk her down from pro-rebel stances that conflict with her non-violent beliefs. Likewise, her idealism leads to reckless stances, such as her support for secrets to shaping in untrained non-shaper hands.

--Greta fails to recognize the danger that shaping poses in inexperienced hands.

--At times Greta is seduced by rebels into extreme stances, usually temporarily. You see this primarily when you talk to Kaba, Litalia at the Gull South Docks along with Benerii-Eo and in the Creator's Hall when she is enthralled by The Creator.

--At no point in the game does Greta consider herself a Shaper. However, this schism gradually deepens as the story progresses, to the point that she eventually believes it necessary for the Shapers as an organization to be eliminated.

 

MINOR/BEHAVIORAL TRAITS AND QUIRKS

--Greta appears to be the same age/class year as the shaper.

--Alwan sometimes makes close/personal contact with the player (usually whispering to them or placing a hand on their shoulder when speaking) In contrast, Greta never does this.

--Greta is described as usually engaging in idle chat with the PC even on the field (in contrast to Alwan, who is more often quiet and preoccupied with vigilance/watching for enemies)

--Greta rarely responds to Alwan's hostility towards her directly. Usually when he insults her she turns away or ignores him completely. She will snap at him however if he angers her severely enough.

--When travelling, Greta usually engages in idle chat with you. This is in contrast to Alwan, who is quiet and vigilantly looks around for lurking enemies. It seems likely that this would be an additional source of contention between the two.

--She possesses a reckless curiosity, as evident when she wants you to use the Kentia canister to "see what happens"

--Greta likewise tends to turn or look away from things that upset her. Though this disappears later in the game.

--She often voices open agreement with pro-creation or pro-rebel sentiments the NPC convos

--Greta is characterized as being a "slob", an unacceptable trait for a Shaper.

--Unlike vice-versa, Greta does not become gradually more accepting of Alwan in the party.

--Greta never speaks to Alwan unless either spoken to or as a quip about something he says (e.g. the Acidic Valley)

ATTIRE

Greta is described as wearing the typical Agent's uniform. She is armed with a dagger, at least early in the game.

 

BOTH

--The strength of their friendships with the player do develop over the course of the game. There is a huge contrast in departure dialogue between the Harmony North Docks vs the Dhonal West Docks and Khor's Deeps. In the former they react with extreme anger while in the latter two they are sad and regretful.

--Entering the Infested Shore seems to be a turning point in the relationship between Alwan and Greta-- for the first time they find themselves united. After this (provided you didn't aid or kill the rebels), Alwan becomes grudgingly accepting of her (the reverse does not appear to be true) He also seems to mistakenly believe (until the end of Dhonal Isle) that she is beginning to "clean up her act". (This coincides with Greta's farewell speeches about the PC's influence being too strong, and how she ended up aiding the Shapers as a result)

[Triumph]

This is actually is really interesting analysis of the characters!

[Slawbug]

Agreed.

[SpiderBalls]

This helps me so much I can't even tell you. Sorry I'm so far past my projected date, guys. I underestimated this thing's size (looks like a monster DX) plus ADD is kicking my ass. But now that school is over for the semester, I can really get working. So let me show what I have garnered reading your bio, Hyena:

General:

.G4 takes place about seven years after the events on the Ashen Isles. As I agree with your initial estimates of the ages (though I will point out that the PC is said to be the youngest at Greenwood due to his/her natural aptitude or somesuch, but that's a moot point because he/she is no longer important ) So the two can be placed in their late twenties.

Greta:

. Your first real interaction with Greta in G4 is in the Rebel Docks, where it can already be garnered that she is competent and intuitive, although the latter doesn't help much against Kyshakk blasts. You see that she has matured from her rather naive and sometimes contradictory viewpoint from G3 from her telling of the events on the Isles, which seems to allude that the G3 PC became a rampant canister user, as she avoids talking about them. Now, this can also mean that the PC died on the Isle of Spears, but the former gives a reason to her reaction to how the Geneforge altered you. She sees the Geneforge and the canisters as a necessary evil, though she doesn't use them herself, as shown by Jared the Weird's comments about how she couldn't understand lifecrafters, though he did allow that she was pretty much the only one who could be general... probably because he was too busy. In the Fens of Aziraph (Azirath?), she expresses horror over your decision to unleash Monarch on Western Terrestia (which may have contributed to Councilor Taygen (is that his name? The crazy old guy from G5) developing the Purity Agent.). However, she she sees the Unbound as the only option left to the rebellion, even knowing that innocents will be killed by the score.

Alwan:

I personally was surprised seeing Alwan in Dillame, due to my now extinct habit of clicking through text without reading it. He understands that the typical Shaper way of handling things won't work with the Rebellion, and instead seeks infiltrators to stop the Plan before the entire continent goes down in flames. As commander of Rivergate Keep, he is a strict, no-nonsense type of person, though he is quite courteous to you, his ally (if you go that route) and fair, besides. This may be due to your extreme usefulness to him, as his many advisors flash envious looks at you. A relationship is hinted at between him and Agent Miranda, and this expanded upon in G5. His policy on rogue creations is that of any typical shaper, that is, total eradication. When you ask him for his take on the events of G3, he doesn't mention the PC at all, due to their turning on him to spark the Rebellion in the first place, aforementioned canister abuse, and probably because he can avoid mentioning them, unlike Greta, his main adversary.

 

Both seemed to hold a certain amount of remorse at the final battle in Northforge Citadel. Even though they never liked each other, each held a certain amount of respect for the other, having campaigned through the Ashen Isles together.

 

Aside from this, hey, Slartibus, how do i change the Topic? The current one makes no sense anymore.

[Jerakeen]

how do i change the Topic? The current one makes no sense anymore.

Any mod can change the topic title. What would you like to change it to?

 

Oh, and I found an alternative avatar for you:

 

In other news, when you search Google images for "ball of spiders", about half of what you find is edible. The other half is... also probably edible, in a reality that is too horrible to contemplate.

[Slawbug]

One reason not to change the title, btw, is so that you don't end up with people who already read the thread, reading it again, thinking it's a new thread. Is the title really so far off from the actual thread contents to require a change?

[SpiderBalls]

Oh. My. GOD. Thank you, Jerakeen, for unleashing nightmares. I would rather stay fuzzy and bejeweled for a while longer than be cleansed with fire by my own computer. And should I just make a new topic when I get everything I need, Slartibus? I think I'm just gonna call it by the name of my FF.

[Upon Mars.]

If you need help on G1, you can send me message. Know that there is a ton of information background and art in my files should you need it [ http://www.freewebs.com/geneforgeremaker/apps/blog/ , http://www.freewebs.com/geneforgeremaker/apps/photos/album?albumid=14037541 ].

 

 

Oh and there is a walkthrough with all the items and people of G1 which might intrest you, though it isn't finished: http://gary2000.blog93.fc2.com/blog-entry-260.html

[SpiderBalls]

You know what... I just sat down on my computer for the first time in days, and I began thinking: between sporadic access to a computer, ADD, and general nonsense that's been afflicting me, this is starting to get ridiculous. So screw the prologue, I'm splitting it in two and treating it as my first and second chapters. Please don't hate me...

NOW! I have asked for your support and have gained a resounding "meh, I've got time,"! Thank you for that! And now, my politely interested audience of 6(?), the wait is over! Fresh out of Development Hell! Chapter One of my 60,000 word first work: Shades of the Awakened!

This world shall end, however much you threaten or rage; the only question is whether it will be you or the dark being that haunts your dreams that ignites the first flames.

 

Chapter 1- In Which Our Hero Blunders, And The Blade Is Not Amused

 

 

Year 3997, Day 107

• Subject #3. Species: Clawbug. Name: Rush. Summary: Heavy modification seems to be to its liking. Newer modification techniques show a great increase in both creation survival and overall effectiveness. Overall strength increase of approx. 30% percent, & agility increase of 40% from pre-modification figures. No noticeable side- effects as of yet. Continued monitoring required.
  
• Subject #7. Species: Glaahk. Name: none. Summary: Some increase in intelligence, or at least in memory retention. Able to follow four-step instructions with little difficulty.
  

Overall summary: With no deaths, harmful mutations, or increase of rogue tendencies, The Gene Method appears to be miles ahead of the traditional methods of the Shapers. All creations made under this method show a level of mental refinement far beyond any traditionally Shaped creation. May return to the Warrens to lift more of Trajkov’s research. Must remind myself to treat Creont’s scale rot before it spreads past his claws; wouldn’t want a naked Cryodrayk walking around Vakkiri.

-- Gaia, Shaper, Sucia Island

I was doing a final check on the five creations in the abandoned school-turned-Shaping Hall based some miles north of Vakkiri. Filling up the bags of feed and judging the essence pool, I began to talk to myself, as I often did: “Maybe I should check on the rest of the creations before I go… meh. I can do it when I get back.” Apathy’s a beautiful thing, isn’t it? Adjusting my gloves and hood, I ensured that no part of my body was visible, save my eyes; those were impossible to hide, anyway. Exiting the newly refurbished building, I began to lock the front gate. “I need to get to the City in within three days for the rest of the equipment. Until then, they should be fine on their own.“ Finishing up, I laid my head against the gate. “I wonder if she’ll show up… I know I was wrong. It was entirely my fault, but honestly, I didn’t mean for any of it to happen. I thought I secured it before… I didn’t know that IT was there, that something like that could exist… I… I didn’t…“ Images rushed into my head, as a familiar darkness cast a shadow across my mind: a blasted wasteland, infested with armored shadows; dozens of enraged spirits flying along the ice-encrusted ground, following the call of a robed figure in red plate; the same figure on the back of an enormous Drayk-like creation, flying straight toward a servile running in terror below—

“Gaia?”

And suddenly, a light appeared, banishing the memories for the moment. I blinked, trying to regain my focus. I spared a second to school my face into my default expression. Registering the concern in their voice, I turned toward the speaker with a grin, hiding any sign of the memories I experienced just seconds ago. “Brodus,” I said cheerfully, ”I hope this means you’re coming with me?” Keep your fingers crossed; with your luck, she’s probably serving you a lawsuit.

The Captain of Vakkiri’s guard mulled over the question for a few seconds before answering. “Of course. You know, you make it seem like a pleasant outing to a swimming hole. I’m coming with you on this trip to protect you, as insane as that sounds. Speaking of, when do we leave? It’s nearly noon already, you know; we’re supposed to be at the Hill of Jars by nightfall.” As she spoke in her usual brisk, official manner, I couldn’t help but notice a few things about her; mostly small, hardly noticeable things, like how every muscle on the servile’s roughly five-foot-six frame was tense, despite her conversational (for her) tone, not to mention how her right hand never strayed far from the hilt of her claymore. I opted to shake Brodus out of her mood by getting her to laugh. ” You know, earlier this week I got crushed by a pile of books.” As Brodus began to ask after my health, I let the other shoe drop: “Honestly though, I’ve only got my shelf to blame.” Everything seemed to freeze at that moment. The birds fell silent, and the wind died. Somewhere beyond Space and Time, various Gods thought up a fitting punishment for such a heinous crime against Comedy. Brodus, however, only pulled a face. “What was that?”

“Oddly enough, a stab at humor.”

“I think you managed to kill it.” We shared a laugh over that. She’s laughing at you, remember? For a moment, I allowed the grin to slip from my face as the Memory returned to the fore of my mind, and my voice was hesitant as I asked, “Seriously though, are you okay? After what happened in the ‘Hole last month… I just want to know if you’re…“ she trailed off, unsure of the reaction I would receive. However, Brodus answered my inquiry with a reassuring smile. “I’m fine, you don’t have to worry about me. It’s over, and we’re both going to have to wrap our heads around what happened there. It’s something to work through, but I can handle it.” She thought for a moment, and then made another face. “I probably could’ve put that better.”

“Yeah, all in all, it could easily have ended up a lot worse, when you think about it. Oh yeah!” With that, I dived towards the ground, pulling a large scroll out of the old, beaten-up backpack I had since I arrived at this island. Unrolling it, I leaned back to give Brodus an unobstructed view of the item: a perfect, beautifully detailed Map of Sucia Island, with the full aerial artist’s rendering of the island acting as the map itself. Small boxes painted in green identified specific areas on Sucia that were (relatively) safe for travel, with several types of icon depicted in them to show whether it was designated as a town, ruins, or simply a stretch of forest. The green boxes covered the majority of the Map; however, there were 2 red boxes, also. The first, when Brodus touched the box with a finger, identified itself as the West Workshop via a small space on the bottom of the map designated for that purpose. The second box, however, located on a tiny island in the middle of the lake, needed no explanation: The Screamhole, a place so absurdly awful, it was immediately described by Leader Khobar (who sanctioned the expedition) as “the entrance to Hell” and myself (who led it) as “Hell’s clammy butt-crack” upon its discovery. It was named after the only action the party took when they chanced upon the sole inhabitant of its mildew-coated passages, aside from “running” and (in at least half the cases) “soiling themselves”.

I touched Pentil on the Map and inspected the distance between it and our current location. I picked up a faint rustling some miles off, noticeable only to me. “Okay, first off, it occurs to me that I need to update this; ‘Ruined School’ should now read ‘Shaping Hall’. Second, if we leave now, we should be meeting Nima in Pentil by this time tomorrow.” After a moment of pensive silence, I continued. “Of course, that was the old route. At this point, I don’t think it’s a good idea going through Vakkiri.” Rather, you don’t think you can handle all of the serviles staring at you. Are you sure you aren’t just a schoolgirl in a ratty costume? I found it best to ignore the voice in my head. “We can travel to the junkyard via the Wastes, and from there, head south to Pentil. Should average out about the same, don’t you think?“

As I put away the Map, my sleeve fell back from my arm, revealing pale, unblemished skin that even in the middle of the day glowed visibly; I once joked that I didn’t bother with lamps when working late. It became less funny when I began to set my bed on fire when I finally managed to sleep. I pulled the sleeve back over my arm, waiting for an answer.

Brodus seemed confused by the estimate, somehow. “I think you’re forgetting something important; namely, how distance works. This route would take twice as long if we ran the entire way. Unless you found a portal in the wastes, I’m pretty sure you’re pulling figures out of thin air.” I’ll let you take this one, champ. “Errr… oh, I remember now. You see, we can get there in the time. For one thing, we’re not traveling alone.” A rustling I picked up some time ago began to grow distinctly louder. I detected 3 large bodies on the ground moving towards our location, with a fourth in front of them flying through the air. Brodus was in Warrior Mode, her sword out, and in an offense-minded position. “Don’t worry, Brodus.” My voice rang out across the clearing, understandable even over the noise. The brush seemed to explode outwards, revealing my greatest Creations, Cryodrayks all, returning from their scouting mission: Glacier, Artic, and Frigid on the ground, and Creont, my oldest and strongest, resplendent with his newly Shaped wings, now coming to a landing in front of them. Brodus Blade, one of the best warriors in the history of Vakkiri, could only stand there, mouth agape, at the sight. I held back a laugh as I tweaked her nose and continued before she got too indignant. ”And second, out of us two, only I will be running.”

... So there it is! Any constructive criticism concerning sentence structure, spelling, grammar mistakes, general story etc. will be appreciated and again, thank you!

[Upon Mars.]

Well perhaps before any of that could you tell me what does Geneforge means to you, their characters, the story etc... ? Have you have an idea of a beggining, a middile and an end for your story in the light of this knowledge?

[SpiderBalls]

What Geneforge means to me... that's a toughie. Well, for starters, I was in love with the Geneforge series from the moment I started playing the demo. The way the story unfolds is amazing to me, as well as it's running theme throughout the series: life is a gray area all it's own, and no decision is without it's cost. In my first playthrough of G1, I chose the Awakened ending and used the Geneforge. By following my beliefs while charged with impossible, unstable magic, I became a monster, a mad god bereft of humanity who crushed thousands under my heel before my death, and I lived for a long, long time. But you know what they say: the road to Hell...

From what I understand, all of the endings of G1 will leave you knowing you've done your best, but were unable find a solution that helped everyone. When you make a decision, you have to remind yourself that in the end, many will suffer because of you.

Stepping aside for a moment, a surreal moment for me was when I confronted Trajkov. From what I garnered from conversations with various serviles and defected Sholai, I believed Trajkov to be a monster (oh the irony), maddened by canister use to the point where he was a rabid dog, to be put down as soon as possible. In reality, Trajkov seemed... sane(?) and rational(? again) to me, willing to treat with you in order to gain an ally in his war against the Shapers. Whether this was driven by his given reason of fighting the injustice the Shapers propagated or simply a power grab, the manner in which the story played out threw me for a second. Another was the Secret of Sucia (my name for it) and the manner of which you discover it. My conversation with Heustess and the entire area in general was freaking amazing (Ornk Lord, anyone?) I had to laugh at the one ghost who asked for intelligence once I picked the leadership option. The thought of it looking completely at a loss while I fed it my life story, shaper secrets, and general information like what I had for lunch that afternoon is always worth a chuckle. I can go on and on, but this series is one that is phenomenal to experience. What else do you need to know?

[Lilith]

Yeah, it's possible to make a reasonable case for G1's Trajkov-aligned ending being the most positive one in the entire series, especially in light of how things turn out in later games.

[Upon Mars.]

Yes indeed there's something of an Alexander in Trajkov, big visions, big people, big power and big paradoxes too. Wanting to be a king with power hungry subordinates of a state where humans and creations are free. Being an outsider wanting the power of the geneforge, a Shaper weapon created to subdue the outsiders and remake the world to the Shaper's whim, according Danette's shade.

[SpiderBalls]

Yes, but due to its inherent flaws, as well as human nature, all of the Geneforge's chosen are destined to raze all that they have built into the ground. A sad reality, but power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.

[Hyena of Ice]

^^That's partly because the majority of the Geneforge series' chosen used canisters or the Geneforge. Three of the four leaders in G2, Trajkov, Akhari Blaze, the first 4 protagonists, Litalia, Lankan....

 

a surreal moment for me was when I confronted Trajkov. From what I garnered from conversations with various serviles and defected Sholai, I believed Trajkov to be a monster (oh the irony), maddened by canister use to the point where he was a rabid dog, to be put down as soon as possible. In reality, Trajkov seemed... sane(?) and rational(? again) to me, willing to treat with you in order to gain an ally in his war against the Shapers. Whether this was driven by his given reason of fighting the injustice the Shapers propagated or simply a power grab, the manner in which the story played out threw me for a second.

 

He was definitely maddened and paranoid due to the canisters, but he had better control over it than most characters in the series-- second only to Litalia IMO from anyone in G1-3, your character included.

[Slawbug]

Three of the four leaders in G2

BUT NOT AODARE <3 <3 <3

[Upon Mars.]

Yes, but due to its inherent flaws, as well as human nature, all of the Geneforge's chosen are destined to raze all that they have built into the ground. A sad reality, but power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.

 

*Spoilers*

 

Well that's where I disagree. We know that the Geneforge is a moral and political tale about misuse of power and that like drugs it is addictive. But I didn't hear anyone say that in G1 the player is discribed to have xenophobic reactions: he is disgusted by the physique of rebel Sholai, or the Sholai ( a people whom also he knows nothing of) scouts at north and southbridge. He behaves in this way so badly that he is even feeling (perhaps out of jealousy) aggressive towards people who both allude to the power that canisters confers, and help him (confer Anya in Astrov's cave). It goes to the point that if the player uses the Geneforge, the ultimate canister, he has a fit of anger and kills any Sholai outsider he finds without warning, despite being previously on (his/her) side, to "uphold the laws of the Shapers". One could argue that if power corrupts, the characters were already flawed before attaining such degrees of power conferred by the addictive canisters. To paraphrase Frank Herbert, Power corrupts because it attracts the corruptible.

[SpiderBalls]

That is a point I can agree with. Moving on to another topic, earlier, I shared my thoughts on Trajkov. But what do you think of the other power player in this debacle, Goettsch?

[Upon Mars.]

He's pretty straight foward, but the games don't devellop much about him except that he collaborated with his captors. I'd reckon he was perhaps involved in the creation of the first spawners on Sucia isle before going wild, create or enrage the thahd Rawbone and used the ruined School for some obscure purpose (Rawbone knows about the Shapers, but we can speculate that such creatures don't live for hundreds of years, and the vats of the school were reported to have been freshly used), stole the gloves and thus set the whole series into motion (Trajkov strands the player because on this and goes so far to form an alliance with the Taker serviles for expertise and goods.).

 

He's known to set up Freeplace an advanced outpost (mines in the woods aren't Taker or Sholai made), using cryodrayks as mercenary guards with gold and gemstones solten from the Sholai, create the spawners in the wastes north of the Awakened lands (and reprogram pylons left in a ruin of the western wastes to protect the spawners) and to create traps in Sentinels and ancient crypt, clear out the shades and whatever horrors which lurked in the great Temple. He's also known to have knowledge of Heutess's (mark) and to use the land to it ´s best advantage (he uses the ghosts of the wastes to detter the Sholai from reaching him.).

 

Goettsch was a strong fighter, skilled alchemist, Shaper and adminstrator before reaching Sucia isle, evreything the player is presumed to have wanted, a full Shaper with all the tools, training and years of practice that one was entrusted for a position of great power.

 

With that said I just see him as a ruthless, evil, manipulative (he tries to tick the player to his side and deceives Trajkov), perhaps xenophobic (he doesn't like the outsiders whom he calls invaders) and power hungry Shaper who is jellous of the power of the isle.

[SpiderBalls]

I seriously just skimmed through this like an hour ago, and forgot about it until just now. Is it weird that I didn't piece the school thing together at all? I just assumed that Rawbone was either a wandering Thahd who essentially punched his way into Fyora godhood (if those carvings have anything to say about it) or was simply born there and was the latest in the long line of chiefs. I guess you're just better at context clues than I am Anyways, before we go too far off the rails, earlier in the thread you asked after my plot. Well... ........................... It's difficult, to say the least, but if you want a brief summary, here it is: With a deviance from any of the endings (that I know of), SotA follows Gaia, the lone Shaper of Sucia Island and my PC, and Brodus Blade, as they are transported to post-G4 Eastern Terrestia via lab accident (not the best of premises, I know, but cut me some slack, I'm new at this). As they adjust to their new surroundings, the duo will forge bonds with new allies, gain new powers, and right great wrongs. Terrible trials lie ahead of them, however, in the form of rogue Unbound, genocidal cultists of all races, and the looming shadow that threatens to overtake all the world. Join these heroines, as they attempt to halt the inexorable. Will they succeed, or will they fall to the End? Find out next time on: Shades of the Awakened!

[Upon Mars.]

I seriously just skimmed through this like an hour ago, and forgot about it until just now. Is it weird that I didn't piece the school thing together at all? I just assumed that Rawbone was either a wandering Thahd who essentially punched his way into Fyora godhood (if those carvings have anything to say about it) or was simply born there and was the latest in the long line of chiefs. I guess you're just better at context clues than I am

I don't know about that I just assumed that a talking thahd stating that Shapers will not rule over him again and a pair of freshly used vats seemed odd. However there is a counter argument to my thesis; the crescent thahd which is at least two hundred years of age.

 

As for the rest... You can start by a few questions

-1 why return to Sucia isle? (That's your plot and the begining of your story for example)

-2 why Brodus Blade? Why Gaia? Who is your PC? (What do both names mean, evoke)

-3 why use the settling of G4? (Context)

-4 what are the goals of your protagonists? What are their means? What does it cost them? (Action)

-5 what are the conséquences of those actions? (Ending)

-6 what are the intentions of your protagonists what moves them?

-7 are there antagonists? Why do have them? What are their motives?

 

If they go to Sucia isle via Lab accident then chose carefully what that implies; the discovery of a product, a self shaping technique which causes cancer etc...

[SpiderBalls]

re:1, 2. You know what an AU is, right? It stands for alternate universe. This story is not that. It instead follows an alternate ending to the story, where the Player Character (PC) never left the island, realizing that they could never fully integrate with Shaper society and indeed could be viewed as a monster due to the Geneforge's effects on them. I suppose my wording was unclear; Gaia is the PC. Is there even an NPC named Gaia? Either way, sorry for the confusion. I chose Brodus because I like the character; that reason probably doesn't hold water, but whatever. Gaia's distinguishing features are as follows: she is roughly 5'8", with a slim build. She has pale skin and platinum blonde hair worn long. She can be described as pretty, but not beautiful, with a heart-shaped face, large, toxic green eyes, and a small nose. Her attire consists of a traditional Shaper robe with the hood up, kept clean, though quite frayed, knee-high boots perfect for adventuring, a Belt of Genius, Charmed Plate, and Shaped gloves with steel knuckles embedded into the fabric. She also wears a scarf, merely to ward off stares. Usually open and friendly, she nonetheless suffers periods of depression and self-loathing, and can be somewhat indurate when handling other's problems. Rarely becomes angry, due to her vigorously maintaining her self-control. Because of the Geneforge, she is incredibly fast and strong, and those traits are usually passed on to the creations she makes. Other results of her modification include the telltale glow of anyone who uses canisters, occasional starts (as one would when they catch themselves falling asleep and jerk awake), and near-complete immobility of the face, and though she has recently managed to school her face into its former elasticity, she has to remember to make expressions when talking to others, as it is still has a mask-like quality.

Brodus Blade is described in-game as tall, so in my story, she is nearly Gaia's height at 5'6", but is more muscular, as befitting her role in Vakkiri. Her features are typical of any Servile, complete with orange eyes (from the official art), and a long nose; however, she stands with correct posture, and expects the same from her subordinates. Along with a robe, her uniform consists of iron plate, which she claims allows more freedom of movement than chain mail, heavy boots, and her signature weapon: the Guardian Claymore, a 4-foot weapon traditionally wielded by the Captain of the Guard of Vakkiri and kept in immaculate condition. Brodus speaks and acts in a professional manner, rarely speaking in rhetoric. Is known to be the only one Gaia converses with for any stretch of time and is indeed the only one she counts as a friend. On the few times they work together dealing with large threats from the wastes, usually rogue swarms from the shattered remnants of the Sholai forces. Brodus often has to check Gaia regarding her methods in dealing with them, deeming them too harsh for any living creature.

re:3, 4, 5 & 6: I chose G4 because that was the first title I ever bought and played to completion, so I know it best. I feel that I can use the environment and story to my advantage. I should point out that this world still follows the events of rebel ending of G4, regardless of any shift my implied ending doubtless caused; chalk it up to an alternate timeline. The goals of my protagonists are simple: to find a way to return to their time, and defeating the antagonists. How far they are willing to go depends on the situation, but remember that Gaia has indeed used the Geneforge, and any actions that are taken will be influenced by that. Seeing as this is a work in progress, the ending hasn't exactly been worked out yet, but I will take things to where they feel most natural.

re: 7: It's hard for me to explain anything without getting interrupted every 5 minutes, but I'll try my best. The 2 antagonists are both known mainly as Eden. Distinguishing features include full black armor, a hooded cloak, and an altered gas mask connected to a small tank under the arm of the first that contains mysterious vapors. The second Eden wears the same outfit down to the mask, but their's do not connect to a tank. They control a small troop of approximately 30 soldiers and mages collectively titled Walkers, whose uniforms are modeled after the Edens' outfits, with a black breastplate, full gray robe, mask, and a knife with a distinctive scalpel-like blade made for slicing.

Both Edens are completely identical, except for the eye lenses of their masks, which are green for the first Eden, whose voice may be more masculine than the second's, but it is not definite, seeing as the voices emanating from the masks are scrambled; and red for the second Eden, who may be female. May is the operating word here, seeing as they aren't human... or anything recognizable. They are described as,"not human, servile, creation, or any living thing. They are neither spirit or demon, and do not hail from any realm of existence. Truly, they do not live, but merely exist, and were born in the Void that all worlds exist in." Their plan is simple: use the magical abilities of all the mages and Shapers they win over to their cause to put the whole of Terrestia in a dream state, pulling their souls (or consciousnesses, or whatever you prefer) into the Void, where the two will reside as absolute monarchs for eternity.

If you need anything else,you may find it in the story proper, but for now, it's like 3AM right now, so I'm out.

[Upon Mars.]

re:1, 2. You know what an AU is, right? It stands for alternate universe. This story is not that. It instead follows an alternate ending to the story, where the Player Character (PC) never left the island,

 

No I did not. How is the Shaper council in rébellion if at least at one stage the Shapers aren't alarmed by the PC's présence on the mainland?

 

[Zaego]

--- As the Shaper walked through the lab, located some miles north of Vakkiri, she began to talk to herself: “Maybe I should check on the rest of the creations before I go… meh. I can do it when I get back.” ---

 

Here's a bit of that constructive criticism you ordered! (Oh and yes a foreword, I haven't read every post in this thread just yet and thus I'm not sure if it's been adressed already. If it has then I apologize for redundant posting and if the moderators see it fit I will remove this unnecessary post: I have to read it all later but I really need to post this before I forget) Anyway.

 

One thing that every writer should be wary of is using modern idioms and manner of speech in a fanfic that takes place anywhere else but the modern, real world where we Forum Posters live. Using idioms like "meh" within a text breaks the immersion, unless the fanfiction aims directly at being self-ironic and not taking itself seriously (there are even movies that do this, Stark Raving Mad being one example where the lead actor oftentimes looks directly at the camera and talks to the viewer). If, however, the fanfic aims to be as accurate and respectful of the original world then I personally would leave/edit out any and all similar uses of modern idioms ("meh", "lol", et cetera.) unless they have been used in the fantasy-setting that the fanfic has been derived from.

 

I hope this helps!

[SpiderBalls]

Hi everybody, I'm back! I've been gone these past few months, so I'm SUPER pumped at being back in my own house! Addressing the "meh," Zaego, I actually meant for that to be... not an idiom exactly, but rather an onomatopoeia of sorts, describing a noise I usually make when I'm disinterested or preoccupied with something. It's more of a "mrffh" sound than anything. Much of the behavior and reactions the character in question exhibits are really just a reflection of myself. I'll tone it down a bit, though, mostly because I'm uninteresting and in a perpetual foul mood. Those aren't the best traits for a protagonist, as you can guess.

And I should probably say this to everyone now, before I forget: When I first started to write this story, it was without an outline (which I didn't know I needed), a resolution to my plot (please don't yell at me), or a full cast (which was killing me for the longest time, oddly enough). I just got back a few hours ago, and I've got less than nothing on my computer for some reason, but the reason I'm saying this is that I'm going to be inconstant in my posting of chapters. As for the casting thing, well, if no one minds, could you possibly......................make a few OCs I could use in my story? BEFORE you start admonishing me for my unpreparedness, I only need 3 or so! And I won't kill them off early. Promise! Well, that's it from me. G'night, everyone!

[Hyena of Ice]

Regarding the canister use: One thing all canister users have in common is that they become cold and distant-- Litalia, Lankan, Trajkov, etc.

The PC always ends up with a superiority complex and difficulty controlling his/her anger in addition to the above. Most NPCs who use the canisters end up with paranoia. Not everyone ends up with the paranoia or anger management issues, though it is unclear as to whether or not they all take on a superiority complex.

There's also the risk of exposure to a "bad" canister. We saw a couple of these in G1, where they IIRC cause acid damage or take 99% of your HP or something like that. The NPCs who use them end up with their hair and teeth falling out, and their skin becoming cracked and bleeding. In advanced stages, they become emaciated and their flaky skin is covered in lumpy lesions, with magic alone holding their bodies together. It is unlikely that the loss of teeth has anything to do with their withered bodies, since obviously the Shapers would have developed highly nutritional potions/pods for invalids and probably also busy, absentminded Shapers to abuse instead of-- you know-- actually eating.

 

 

Also regarding G3-- here is a timeline I have collected. The more plot-integral entries are in bold.

 

--The Narration states that unlike you, Alwan is close to being initiated.

--You haven't been to Fort Kentia in several years-- not since you were rushed through there on your way to the Academy.

--Greta was expelled a few weeks prior to the attack on the Academy.

--The owner of the abandoned home at the South End left a few weeks ago

--Hawthorne, in E. Kentia, states that no shapers have visited his shop in weeks.

--Nobody has been in the Kentia cellars for weeks.

--The Kentia miners had gone for years without a single death up until the rogues came.

--One of Bruni's soldiers got killed by a roamer the week prior to your arrival at the Harmony East Docks

--Arabella of San Ru has been unable to get the serviles to work for weeks.

--Suzanna, the alchemist in San Ru, has been out of wiry moss for a week when you meet her.

--Diwaniya is only a few years older than you, "though clearly more skilled"

--Norell has been working for Diwaniya "for a few years"

--When you meet Diwaniya, he says it would not surprise him if a rebel shaper was involved, considering what he has seen "in the last few weeks"

--Siri, at the loyalist gatherer camp, states that she saw Litalia weeks ago.

--Greta doesn't think that the rebel gatherers have had a decent meal in weeks

--Lankan says that the shaper academy was attacked "a few weeks ago"

--Lankan has had no contact with Litalia since she left weeks ago.

--The clawbugs using the Calming Stone have been without shaper control for weeks

--The hidden cache of broken canisters in the Vlish Woods were used several weeks ago.

--When we arrive at Fort Wilton, we are told that the quarantine has lasted for months. Narration states that nobody has been in the Storage Sheds for months.

--Commander Sobel states that Greiner's army has been at a stalemate with the rebels for weeks.

--Vander states that the Ambush Bridge rogues only came a few weeks ago.

--Vander states that the Alchemy shop in the upper right corner of the Ambush Bridge was open just a few months ago.

--When asked, Vander guesses that he and his army has been stationed near the bridge for around a month, but that the rogues only arrived a few days ago.

--The Main Army Camp has been there for months, beginning "not long after the monsters appeared"

--When you return to the Dhonal Pass after clearing it out, you meet a soldier named Hullum who has been cleaning up the mess at the outpost. He hasn't slept in the past three days

--Telegin the Sholai, at the Inner Keep, states that the quarantine has trapped him there for months

--Lord Rahul states that he has ruled the Ashen Isles for 30 years.

--When you meet Lord Rahul, he tells you that he has known about the attack on the academy for weeks.

--He also tells you that he has been unable to contact General Greiner for weeks.

--Phasia has lived alone for a few years when his wife died. (a ballpark figure for how long ago his son and daughter left is not given)

--Bradsher, Greiner's assistant, states that his strange behavior began weeks ago. When you find Greiner, narration states that he hasn't shaven in days.

--When you remove the shade from Greiner, if you have enough leadership, you can get him to draw his blade "for the first time in weeks"

--Stringer has been at the Northshore Bridge for weeks

--Rose has been camped out near the Darkstone Mine Gates for weeks.

--Nyall states that the brambles at the Overgrown Road weren't there a few months ago.

(Unfortunately, as soon as you step out of the gates of the SE Gull Docks, the above timeline is greatly contradicted on and off.)

--Narration states that it has been weeks since you first met Litalia at the gates of your school.

--Litalia was approached by Akhari Blaze several years after she first began to feel animosity towards the Shapers. (if we take this from her backstory at the Benerii Eo gates, then one would conclude that several years passed between her desertion of the shapers and joining Akhari Blaze. The latter happened, depending on who you believe, several months to several years prior to the beginning of the rebellion.)

--Macallan states that the serviles of Stonespire began to act strangely for several months before the attacks began.

--The servant mind at the Display Warrens has been neglected for weeks.

--The vats in the Breeding Pits have been neglected for weeks.

--Shaper Jolana hasn't seen Shaper Agatha in months

--Litalia tried to convince Khyryk into joining the rebellion a few weeks before you stepped foot on his doorstep.

--Khyryk states that Shaper Agatha "and her other shapers began to act strange and distant in the years before the rebellion"

--Khyryk states that both the serviles began to act strangely about a year ago. At the same time, Agatha and her servants began to act cold and distant. "Eventually she retreated into her mansion", at which point she refused to see anyone at all. Around the same time that she holed up in her mansion, reports spread of "strange and unfamiliar creations" being made in the Warrens. (contradicts the entry above)

--Khyryk states that the kidnapping of the Shapers happened when the rebellion began.

--At Shaper Agatha's mansion, the narration states that the rebellion began only weeks ago, but that the mansion has suffered months of neglect

--The "Shaper Control" pylons at the Maker's End were installed a few years ago.

--When you arrive at the Isle of Spears docks, narration states that it is near the end of the year and that winter is coming (indicating that you arrive in late Autumn.)

--Rall hasn't seen her mate since he left to go work in the Mushroom Caves, months ago

--Mooralas, Hoge's assistant, was sent to the Icy End by Hoge months prior to the Academy's destruction.

--Mooralas states that Hoge met Litalia during his trip to Gull Island, 3 years ago.

--The Shapers at the Besieged Camp have been holding out for weeks.

--Nazar states that the supplies needed to build the Icy End were smuggled over by friendly Gull Isle serviles "over the years"

--The serviles have survived their years of hiding out on The Isle of Spears by cultivating the mushrooms they grow in the Mushroom Cave.

 

 

Conclusion:

The timeline is consistent up until you step foot on Gull Island-- you reach Ft. Kentia weeks after the beginning of the rebellion, and you reach Ft. Wilton months after the rebellion. The last rough timeline indicator is given at the Overgrown Road.

 

Once you are approached at the Gull docks by Litalia, "months" change to "weeks", and we're given contradictory statements on when things first got weird on Gull Island.

 

--Macallan states that the serviles first began to act strangely months before the rebellion began

--Khyryk states that Agatha and her shapers began to act strangely in the years leading up to the rebellion.

--Khyryk also states that both Agatha and the serviles first began to act strangely around a year ago.

--Nazar states that Gull Island serviles have been smuggling goods into the Isle of Spears for years.

 

Yeah, I never noticed the bad dialogue people talk about until I made that list :\ Khyryk contradicting himself is particularly bad.

 

In all likelihood, Jeff decided to make the timeline shorter when he developed the "kidnapped Shapers have been starved since the rebellion began" plot (which would have to limit the rebellion to a few months at most).

Unfortunately, even abridging the timeline in Dhonal from months to weeks doesn't work, due to General Greiner, who only recently went nutso. It also makes suspension of disbelief difficult when you see how the dispositions Alwan and Greta hold towards the PC change, in addition to their own character development over the course of the game (what, I'm supposed to believe that Greta lost her squeamishness in what-- a week or so? and that Alwan learned how to control his temper/when to keep his mouth shut + how to think for himself when there's nobody to give him orders in a period of 2-3 weeks or something like that? That's not even touching on the more serious character development they undergo in regards to their beliefs!)

 

 

Edit: Just noticed another plothole in G3. In the previous two games, we are told that after several years at the academy, an apprentice must spend an additional several years (the number given in G1 is 5) in vocational training before becoming an initiate. With the possible exception of Litalia, Jeff seems to have completely forgotten about that.

This means several things:

--1. Alwan being close to an initiate makes no sense, if we assume that "about to be initiated as a Guardian" means that he becomes a full shaper.

--2. Litalia's backstory gives a contradictory account of Shaper education. She states that after graduating from an apprentice, she became a novice, then a student, then she got the robes, and had to complete a single mission to become a full shaper. However, you (and to a lesser extent Alwan-- and I believe even Greta a couple of times) are referred to many times as apprentices, and many times as novices. So which is it?

--3. It makes no sense for Diwaniya and Litalia to be just a few years older than you. Diwaniya because he would be at minimum, 7 years older than you. He probably spent a year or close to it as an initiate before being assigned to Harmony Isle, and presumably he has been in charge there for a year or three. This makes it more likely that he is more like 8~11 years older than you. Hardly qualifies as "not much older than you".

Litalia states that after she left the shapers after completing her vocational training. She also states that several years passed between then and her recruitment by Ghaldarig. We also know that the rebellion was planned for years in advance, so on top of that, Litalia has probably spent a few years with them-- at minimum, 3 by the time you reach the Icy End. So, Litalia would probably be a decade older than you at the very least! In my mind, "not much older than you" signifies 5 years or less. If we take her word about there being a third pre-shaper rank, then she is probably a few years older than that! (Diwaniya would be older than my estimation as well)

[Zaego]

Fair enough, Spiderballs, I do see Your point there. On the other hand while I mentioned earlier that it might break the immersion a little bit, on the other one keeping little things like "meh" can actually personalize a character into being more memorable and realistic, more approachable if You will. It's quite a tightrope of a job, creating a story..

 

Oh and yes, what is this OC that You mentioned? Basically, are You in need of characters for Your story? (I'm too lazy to look up the definition of OC.. Yes, I know, I'm a horrid person.) I guess I could either throw some ideas here to the forum thread or PM them to You. (On a sidenote, don't beat Yourself for not being prepared: asking for help in a forum is never a bad thing, especially here where the general atmosphere is friendly, from what I've seen. It is the very reason why forums such as this exists: for people to offer and receive help from one another, as well as having good time in the process.)

[Hyena of Ice]

On Alwan's journal in G4-- again, I have yet to play the game, so I can't weigh in that well, but G3 gives us possible hints on his motive for destroying/suppressing all evidence/memory of accompanying the third shaper, but not of Greta.

 

--In his parting conversation at the Dhonal West Docks or Khor's Deeps, if you wish him well, he responds that your kind words do not buy his forgiveness for your crimes.

 

--The rebellion would have never have reached G4 levels were it not for the third shaper's betrayal. It makes sense that Alwan would place most of the blame upon her rather than Greta.

 

--Expanding upon the above point, Greta spends most of the game searching for her purpose and place in the world, and she states that this is the very reason that she travels with you. Thus, she is your follower, doing your bidding.

The text in the Creator's Hall states that she is in a daze. Likewise, if you helped Lankan, you get a short dialogue from her on the Harmony W. Docks where she states that she, herself, never would have had the courage to help Lankan.

 

--Again, expanding upon the above, due to Greta's inner struggle and uncertainty towards the Shaper-vs-Rebel dichotomy, and as a subservient follower of the 3rd Shaper/Esther, it is possible that Alwan again places much of the blame on the third shaper for Greta's alliance and eventual leadership in the rebellion. Especially since Alwan attributes her questioning of the shapers to weak-mindedness and a weak will.

 

--Given the third shaper's canister abuse, it is safe to assume that he got the "Fine, Traitor! If you get in my way, I'll kill you!" farewell. Ouch.

 

--Perhaps he doesn't want anyone to know,. or to even think about it himself, because it would lead to questions about his responsibility in everything that happened. His farewell speech makes it clear that he knew for some time of the shaper's wavering allegience to the Shapers, but that he was in denial about it. Does that mean that he could have stopped her before she joined the rebels? What about the fact that he assisted her up until the end of Dhonal Isle? Would she have gotten far enough in their mission to turn on the shapers without him fighting by her side?

 

--Probably most significant by far-- in his parting dialogue if you gave the canister to Lankan, he is angry and states that you have "tainted him with your crimes"

 

Again, I still haven't played the last two games, so I don't know any of the context behind Alwan's precise view towards the third shaper or towards Greta in those games.