Easygoing Eyebeast Enraged Slith Posted March 18, 2014 Author Share Posted March 18, 2014 The problem with the world is that every girl I'm remotely interested in got married or is getting married to their college sweetheart. Am I supposed to go back to college and creep on 18 year old children? I don't want to live on this planet anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unflappable Drayk adc. Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 I don't want to live on this planet anymore. Prazac might be able to fix your problem, just ask nicely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magnificent Ornk Student of Trinity Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 College is a convenient time for pairing up, because everybody has just left home, everybody you meet is close to your age and station in life, and everybody has quite a lot of free time, compared to later life. If you get through college still single, you're naturally still apt to be thinking of mate-finding in college terms. Most of the people that fit that picture, someone-I-would-happily-have-dated-in-college, will of course be marrying their college sweethearts, because that's the picture they fit. There's nothing wrong with that picture. My parents were college sweethearts, they'll be celebrating their fiftieth anniversary this summer, they have three sons and nine grandchildren, they're still each others' best friends. My youngest brother and his wife met at college. But it's not the only way, by any means. It does get a bit harder in some ways, to find a partner later. Nobody is ever as conveniently packaged again, somehow, as they were at college. Nobody is as flexible, as willing to be defined by a new relationship. People are more likely to have had previous relationships that didn't work, or to have gone longer being unhappily single and had to deal with that. People may have achieved things, or suffered things, maybe even big things, before you met them. The stem cells differentiate. People become more different, in many different ways. It's less easy to just 'click' by being similar in a few ways, and different in a few ways, and attracted and young and willing to grow together. The jigsaw puzzle has more corners. But those things are all kind of interesting, actually. It's certainly not the case that no good people are left. There are a lot of awesome people still looking after college. It can be harder for those people to find each other than it was at college. I don't know any magic tricks for making this easier, but the big thing is to make time for it. If you get too busy with activities in which you'll never meet a likely partner, then that'll be a problem, because he or she is not just going to sit down in front of you in the lecture hall one day any more. This is a fact and it needs to be dealt with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Easygoing Eyebeast Enraged Slith Posted March 18, 2014 Author Share Posted March 18, 2014 snip I understand this, but it's unbelievably frustrating for a guy who didn't do the whole 4 year daycare for young adults thing and has just resolved over a decade of crippling emotional/mental problems. It's like I've woken up from a deep sleep and everyone has moved on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unflappable Drayk Edgwyn Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 As SoT said, College is a great time for pairing up, but it is not the only time. Most of my friends and I did not marry our high school or college sweethearts, we married people we met a little bit later. Out of college, there is a lot more variety, it is just a matter of finding someone as you are no longer being pushed into a situation with a lot of single people your own age. Hobbies and activities are a great way to meet people. Also, many (though not all) of the people who are past college age have reached a level of emotional maturity that makes dating simpler, even if their life is more complicated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hatchling Cockatrice Alorael at Large Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 We're living in the future. Online dating is a big thing, and while it's certainly not perfect, it's at least a way to meet people who you at least share some kind of interests with (if that's how you want to filter) and who are available and interested in dating. —Alorael, who has not used online dating. He can't personally vouch for it. He does have friends who have, though, and while there are plenty who found it frustrating and gave up there are also success stories who have been together for years now. The best example he knows being someone who made a profile on OKCupid, sent one message to one person, and after some hiccups and hijinks ended up settling down as a couple with over-numerous animals. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Well-Actually War Trall A less presumptuous name. Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 I have two brothers. One is planning to marry a girl he met in middle school. The other is engaged to a girl he met through an online dating site after he graduated from college. Both are very happy with their relationships. So while there may be higher barriers after college, it's totally possible, and in fact common, to find a partner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hatchling Cockatrice Lilith Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 okcupid is likely to be kind of iffy if you're in a small town or something but if you're in pretty much any big city there'll be some people on there who are reasonably compatible with you. the fact that it's free of charge does mean you have to deal with more spammers and other time-wasters compared to paid dating services, but on the other hand it's free of charge Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burgeoning Battle Gamma Rya.Reisender Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 Actually this sounds exactly like my own life situation. I'm totally in love with a girl from work for 5 years already and we are like talking every day for hours via Skype. And I'm totally flirting with her and she is enjoying it, but she made it clear from the start she won't go into any relationship with me (and I didn't really expect otherwise, I'm not really into dating someone from work either as I know the risks), so I never really got my hopes up in the first place. With no hope it works quite well. She has a boyfriend for 2 years now and I kind of accepted him too. In fact many of her other male friends broke up contact with her when she told them she had a boyfriend and she was quite suprised that I didn't do the same. Since they she trusts me a lot more and it works out even better. Even though this is still a time bomb because eventually she won't be able to talk this much with me anymore. But I decided to just enjoy it as long as it lasts and try not to make any plans for the future or try to change anything about the situation. What I observed is that it's basically impossible to get over a girl when you see her every day at work. Basically if you fall for someone at work, it'll last until one of you two quits the job. I used that to my advantage, though. I had some really bad experiences with my previous relationships, so I wasn't really into having more in the first place, but I always had the problem that I eventually fell in love which made it quite hard for me to ignore trying. However since I love her, I'm totally love-resistant to any other girl, so now my feelings are a lot more "balanced" and I can concentrate on more important stuff like playing Spiderweb games. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Well-Actually War Trall Cairo Jim Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 Sine university isn't such a big thing here, the whole "college sweetheart" thing seems non existent. Apart from that, my line of work tends not to have any women around. If there is such a woman, it's usually an office lady who's usually 2-3 times my age. A few time it's been the bosses mrs. So I can't imagine how this actually works. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Understated Ur-Drakon Tyranicus Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 okcupid is likely to be kind of iffy if you're in a small town or something but if you're in pretty much any big city there'll be some people on there who are reasonably compatible with you. Yep. I have several friends in large urban areas who have had great success. Living in rural Pennsylvania, I have not had the same luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Easygoing Eyebeast Enraged Slith Posted March 19, 2014 Author Share Posted March 19, 2014 I have a friend who has plenty of success with online dating, but it isn't for me. It just seems to lack humanity. I don't know how people are able to communicate so naturally through text, but I'm completely inept and have never felt comfortable doing it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hatchling Cockatrice Randomizer Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 Yep. I have several friends in large urban areas who have had great success. Living in rural Pennsylvania, I have not had the same luck. It's a numbers game, where the larger the pool of potential people even a small success rate will get you a chance. That's why college dating works since the pool consists of people close to your age and interests. It automatically filters out most of the people too far out of your age range. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hatchling Cockatrice Slawbug Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 For most people who use it, the point of online dating isn't to communicate online, it's to as quickly and efficiently as possible find people who you have some stuff in common with and *might* click with, and then meet them in real life. Seriously, though, if you can muster an open mind, give it a try. It can't possibly be any worse than having flirtation-that-puts-you-in-really-problematic-spots at work. If you want a middle ground, public meetup groups (that are organized online but meet in real life, e.g. on meetup.com) are a great way to meet people with common interests in general -- and many of them are great places to meet unattached persons; some even suggest that explicitly. Re the urban/rural thing... literally ALL of the options discussed here are a hundred times easier to pursue in a metro area than in a low population rural area. This is one of the biggest reasons that such a huge majority of young people move to cities in their 20's. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hatchling Cockatrice Alorael at Large Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 In fact, I believe the fascinating OKCupid stats page backs you up. Spending more time exchanging text via internet makes you less likely to get a real date in person. (I need to verify that, though!) And I'm not sure the difficulty of rural dating on OKCupid is the site's fault. It's still the population problem, but I imagine that dating in person has the same problem of the small dating pool. I actually know of some rural online dating successes too, but it required willingness to travel long distances for dates. —Alorael, who thinks the minimum requirement is just being able to ask to go on a date, ideally with some personalization of the request. Maybe a couple of messages along the way. Remember, it probably feels pretty awkward from the other side as well. The only real quirk of online dating, and it's sadly a mirror of old-fashioned, in-person relationships, is that men are often expected to do the messaging and women often get inundated with messages. It's at least more egalitarian for same sex dating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Understated Ur-Drakon Sudanna Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 There's always craigslist. nikki. and Xaiya 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hatchling Cockatrice Randomizer Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 There's always craigslist. And if you are lucky the person you meet up with isn't a serial killer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hatchling Cockatrice Alorael at Large Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 Which differs in no appreciable way from any other free dating service. Craiglist has a distinct reputation, which can become self-fulfilling, but it's just another medium, —Alorael, who recently advertised M4SK. Sadly no serial killers responded. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Easygoing Eyebeast Enraged Slith Posted March 20, 2014 Author Share Posted March 20, 2014 Well OKC is about as depressing as I thought it would be. I'm apparently attractive, though, so there's that. Upon Mars. and nikki. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Easygoing Eyebeast VCH Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 Also, there's *Tinder* for your phone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burgeoning Battle Gamma Rya.Reisender Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 It just seems to lack humanity. I don't know how people are able to communicate so naturally through text, but I'm completely inept and have never felt comfortable doing it. But you seem to be able to communicate with us on these forums! Also what the others said. Don't talk to much on the internet, aim for real life meeting. Most girls don't want to meet, but those are mainly fakes anyway, so just ignore and skip to next. I personally never really liked dating sites. Instead I went into a thematic chatroom with a topic that interested me (like animes) and got to know other people like that. Having the same hobby surely helps with communication on the internet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyshakk Koan Brocktree Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 I understand this, but it's unbelievably frustrating for a guy who didn't do the whole 4 year daycare for young adults thing and has just resolved over a decade of crippling emotional/mental problems. It's like I've woken up from a deep sleep and everyone has moved on. You've dodged a bullet, mate. You don't need a girlfriend. If you want to chat up a girl, go to a nightclub or bar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ineffable Wingbolt Upon Mars. Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 You've dodged a bullet, mate. You don't need a girlfriend. If you want to chat up a girl, go to a nightclub or bar. How'stgat doging the bullet? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garrulous Glaahk Questionably Legal Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 How'stgat doging the bullet?Yes, the cosmic Overlord-Despoiler How'stgat is more than capable of doging a bullet, although hE usually chooses to ignore them, so as to let the futility of opposing hiM engulf the souls of the pitiful mortals who consider themselves hiS enemies. Jerakeen and BMA 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hatchling Cockatrice Alorael at Large Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 I personally never really liked dating sites. Instead I went into a thematic chatroom with a topic that interested me (like animes) and got to know other people like that. Having the same hobby surely helps with communication on the internet. Sure, but most people on the internet probably aren't within the age range of your intended dating pool. About half (leaving aside internet demographics) are going to be the wrong gender (unless you have no preferred gender). Many won't be interested in dating, and of those who are many won't be interested in dating over internet chatrooms. And of the pool that's left, most will be very, very far away even if you do live in a big metropolitan area. Long-distance internet dating can work, but the logistics are hard and it often doesn't. I'd say good starting filtering can go a long way. —Alorael, who isn't sure not having a girlfriend is really dodging a bullet. Nice for you if you don't want one, but plenty of people do. And unlike bullets, girlfriends are pretty easy to not have. Why, well over half of all humans have no girlfriends or wives! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyshakk Koan Valdain the King Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 Eharmony is supposedly the best you can get for online dating. Some people have really had a positive experience. It sounds crazy but if it works, how can you go wrong? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hatchling Cockatrice Lilith Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 judging by its marketing eharmony is laser-focused on people seeking Serious Long-Term Relationships so if that's not what you're after it might not be for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hatchling Cockatrice Alorael at Large Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 Supposedly according to whom? From my own admittedly second-hand and anecdotal experience, which is not even remotely data, some people have really positive experiences with just about any site, and I know more OKCupid successes than eHarmony successes. Part of that's due to more OKCupid users, but maybe not all of it. —Alorael, who for what it's worth is only measuring by Serious Long-Term Relationship. Casual dating, flings, and just-friends are decidedly different things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hatchling Cockatrice Slawbug Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 eHarmony also has a reputation of attracting people who are desperate to get married at any cost — and a public history of condemning people who have mental health problems, are not Christian, are not straight, or are not cis. That may or may not be relevant to your choice of whether or not to use it, but there it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unflappable Drayk Edgwyn Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 —Alorael, who isn't sure not having a girlfriend is really dodging a bullet. Nice for you if you don't want one, but plenty of people do. And unlike bullets, girlfriends are pretty easy to not have. Why, well over half of all humans have no girlfriends or wives! Based on my biases: dodging bullet = good thing, dodging girlfriend = less fun. Of course with the second sentence I prefer having both a girl friend and bullets. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garrulous Glaahk Questionably Legal Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 —Alorael, who isn't sure not having a girlfriend is really dodging a bullet. Nice for you if you don't want one, but plenty of people do. And unlike bullets, girlfriends are pretty easy to not have. Why, well over half of all humans have no girlfriends or wives! By that measure, bullets are also pretty easy to not have. And unlike bullets, girlfriends can follow you anywhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Understated Ur-Drakon Tyranicus Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 And unlike bullets, girlfriends can follow you anywhere. Make enough enemies, and bullets will too. VCH 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Easygoing Eyebeast Jerakeen Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 By that measure, bullets are also pretty easy to not have. I was going to post much the same reply. But then I remembered that I'd be replying to a skribbane addict with a sniper rifle and I thought better of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garrulous Glaahk Questionably Legal Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 I was going to post much the same reply. But then I remembered that I'd be replying to a skribbane addict with a sniper rifle and I thought better of it. I fearlessly speak the truth! While hiding indoors, in the woods, in Alaska. With the curtains closed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Well-Actually War Trall A less presumptuous name. Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 If you think being in Alaska makes you safe from Alo, you're so hopelessly wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unflappable Drayk Edgwyn Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 Yes, a sniper rifle is quite practical and useful in Alaska. You would be better off hiding somewhere else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hatchling Cockatrice Randomizer Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 farther than his claimed home state. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hatchling Cockatrice Slawbug Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 Actually, living in Alaska was traditionally part of Alorael Canon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hatchling Cockatrice Alorael at Large Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 I'm not sure if sniper rifles are exactly practical in Alaska. They're not really ideal for hunting. I guess if you just want to shoot someone the vast distances in the state might make them more practical, but it seems like a stretch. —Alorael, who was going to a say a long shot, and then didn't, but then did anyway. Also he'll have you know his sniper rifle isn't for practicality, it's for style. nikki. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magnificent Ornk Student of Trinity Posted March 24, 2014 Share Posted March 24, 2014 And for really long distances there's the Alorael Cannon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magnificent Ornk Aran Posted March 24, 2014 Share Posted March 24, 2014 And for really long distances there's the Alorael Cannon. It fires Aloraels. Edit: One might call it an Alo-Raelgun. One. Not me, of course. Do I look like a leporid? tridash and Triumph 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyshakk Koan Brocktree Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 How'stgat doging the bullet? Personally, I think that having a long term relationship is a bad idea in general. However, in Enraged Slith's case, it's even worse. He appears to have emotional issues in regards to relationships. Hell, he gets infatuated with a girl simply because she is nice to him. An experienced woman will chew him up and spit him out. He should really play the field, and only get into a committed relationship once he feels confident in doing so. As for the 'communication' aspect, that's not too important. A woman will decide whether she is attracted to you within the first 2 minutes of meeting you. Get in shape and learn to look women in the eye, and you'll raise your chances of attracting women significantly. Joining the army reserves part time, and walking around in your military uniform, will raise your chances even further. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hatchling Cockatrice Lilith Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 hi ghaldring, hope things have been going okay for you lately Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magnificent Ornk Student of Trinity Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 From experience, I can say that joining the army reserves is one of the worst possible mating strategies for a male. It takes a lot of time away from your social life, and you will be unlikely to meet a romantic partner among your military associates. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyshakk Koan Brocktree Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 That's like saying that having a high flying job doesn't help you snag chicks, because all that time at work takes away from your social life. Furthermore, you do part time in the reserves here. There is no bigger aphrodisiac for a female civilian than a man in a uniform, except a 6 foot dude with a six pack, or a billionaire. All that time wasted 'talking' to women would be better spent increasing your standing in society. Women aren't looking for deep thinkers, they are looking for buff dudes, men with authority, rich magnates/professionals, or a combination of those three. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Well-Actually War Trall Cairo Jim Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 That probably nailed it on the head to why I'm single. Then again, probably not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hatchling Cockatrice Lilith Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 That's like saying that having a high flying job doesn't help you snag chicks, because all that time at work takes away from your social life. Furthermore, you do part time in the reserves here. There is no bigger aphrodisiac for a female civilian than a man in a uniform, except a 6 foot dude with a six pack, or a billionaire. All that time wasted 'talking' to women would be better spent increasing your standing in society. Women aren't looking for deep thinkers, they are looking for buff dudes, men with authority, rich magnates/professionals, or a combination of those three. spoiler alert, not everyone is you. people want different things. if you're worrying about how to be attractive to women in general rather than the women you're interested in, you've already made your first mistake. (if the kind of woman you're interested in is "anyone with a pulse", you've already made two mistakes.) Tyranicus 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magnificent Ornk Student of Trinity Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 That's like saying that having a high flying job doesn't help you snag chicks, because all that time at work takes away from your social life. Furthermore, you do part time in the reserves here. I say again: I speak from experience. There's a finite amount of time in the day, and the reserves don't pay enough to be a career. If your pitch is that some part-time soldiering on top of a regular job is equivalent to being a corporate executive, then you're aiming at a pretty clueless audience. For them, you could just buy a costume. In fact women aren't all the same. Perhaps you're thinking of cheeseburgers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyshakk Koan Brocktree Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 And the type of woman Enraged is attracted to is different from the 'general' woman in what way, exactly? What sort of desirable woman wants to hang around with an out of shape, unemployed, broke loser? My advice is solid. Enraged should work on improving himself. If he wants to attract desirable women, he should improve himself in a way that makes him more desirable to said women. He should avoid long term relationships until he has a strong sense of self worth, and definitely avoid relationships at work, unless he wants to end up fired and sued for sexual harassment. He should stop pedestalising women simply because they talk to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyshakk Koan Brocktree Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 I say again: I speak from experience. There's a finite amount of time in the day, and the reserves don't pay enough to be a career. If your pitch is that some part-time soldiering on top of a regular job is equivalent to being a corporate executive, then you're aiming at a pretty clueless audience. For them, you could just buy a costume. In fact women aren't all the same. Perhaps you're thinking of cheeseburgers. I'm not sure, but I think it's illegal to impersonate a soldier. Simply being in the reserves is enough to impress a lot of women, even if you only do it for a couple of hours per week. Strutting down the street in your uniform with definitely get a few glances from potential partners. As for women not being all same, you're erecting a strawman. If you don't like what I have to say, debate that, instead of your misrepresentation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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