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Slawbug

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Mistb0rn, who for some time seemed to be sleeping, awakens with a start as the music comes on. The fish had long since slipped from her hands and now clings to the windowsill below.

 

Mistb0rn: "Ah! What's that? Oh, right, party."

 

Noticing a few pieces of pizza left, she walks along the ceiling, drops to the ground long enough to grab a slice, then pauses.

 

Mistb0rn: "I suppose hiding in the corner isn't exactly the point of this trip," she mutters.

 

She finishes the cold pizza and walks over to BJ.

 

Mistb0rn: "Hey, what's up?"

 

She notices the bottle he's staring at and peers at the label.

 

Mistb0rn: "Ink?"

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The music and dancing wake up The Ratt, though he turns in his seat to watch rather than join in. He remembers learning somewhere that standing on a moving vehicle is dangerous, and with all the incidents that have been happening, his gut feeling is kicking in. He starts bobbing his head to the music, it's a catchy tune, he just wishes it wasn't on repeat... smirk
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Actaeon wakes when the music starts. After staring for several seconds, he rifles through his foot locker and pools out a portable gramophone, intending to enter into a music-off. However, he quickly discovers that most of his 78's have been damaged by the trip. The most intact is Prokofiev's "Dance of the Knights", given to him by a friend. He starts to place it on the spindle, looks at the few remaining sleepers, and thinks better of it.

 

Actaeon: If you have Beiber's "Humpty Dumpty", perhaps you have Stevie Ray Vaughan's "Mary Had a Little Lamb"?

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BJ glances at the music system, perplexed.

 

BJ: "Who is that supposed to be?"

 

He goes back to contemplating how to use the bottle of ink when Mistb0rn approaches. He looks up at her.

 

BJ: "Oh, hey Mistb0rn... Yup, it's ink."

 

He grins.

 

BJ: "It's way more than I'm ever going to need, well probably more than I'm going to need, so I'm trying to figure out what to do with the rest of it. I was considering dumping it on Trenton's head, just to see what it would do to the sparkles."

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I am woken up by the sound of loud and terrible music. For some unknown reason, I switch into my santa hat and start dancing. I waltz my way over to Dintiradan's no-OOC field.

 

"Gunnar and Aurora? Well, that can only end badly. And why does it feel like Dikiyoba is being controlled by someone else? Seriously, Dikiyoba can't stop dancing." Dikiyoba starts to jig.

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Jewels holds her spinning head for a minute. In only a few hours she seems to have eaten her fill of lamb chops and a whole pizza from Sylae, been sprayed in watermelon goo and washed clean of it with an indoor rain, and now she's dancing in the aisle with Iffy and Sylae to Justin Bieber who she apparently has always liked though she cannot recall the name of even one of his songs...

 

Jewels: I knew this trip was going to get weird but... Oohhh, my head hurts.

 

Sylae: Just try not to think about it too hard, Jewels. All you really gotta do is make sure you don't step into a plot hole...

 

Iffy: Plot hole? I don't see a plot hole...

 

Meanwhile, Dikiyoba really gets into the dancing doing flips and spins along the whole aisle. During one impressive fouette Dikiyoba's tail swings around knocking BJ's bottle of ink halfway across the bus. It lands in a giant splatter where Trenton and Nightwatcher used to be. Their characters turn fuzzy and incoherent.

 

Iffy: Oh... there's one.

 

Jewels shakes her head and pulls out the pair.

 

Jewels: Hey, Iffy. Think you can write a script to get their stories back on line?

 

Iffy: I'm on it... Now, let's see.

 

Code:
beginfix 7;if (plot_status(TRENTON) = "hole") {rewind_plot(TRENTON, 1 post);run beginfix 7; }break;

 

Iffy: That should work for both of them. Just replace Trenton's name with Nightwatcher's for the second run.

 

Jewels smiles and nods as the fuzzy characters become more substantial.

 

Trenton: Hey, any ladies wanna dance?

 

Jewels: Ooh, I'd love to! Who needs a disco ball when you've got shine?

 

Sylae unzips Trenton's bag and pulls Nightwatcher out of it.

 

Sylae: You too, Vampire Hunter, time to put your differences behind you and par-tay.

 

Iffy takes a moment to disarm Nightwatcher of any unpleasant items and joins the rhythmic expression. The group finds that dancing their cares away is so much more fun than fighting at each other's throats. Petty squabbles are left behind as the lights on the bus start to get brighter.

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BJ watches his bottle of ink fly though the air and land on Trenton and Nightwatcher.

 

BJ: "Huh. Somehow, I knew that was going to happen."

 

BJ figures he should get into the party mood. It would be safer than letting himself get board again. He conjures up some sheets of colored construction paper and starts turning them into paper chains. Soon, the whole bus is decorated with them.

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Mistb0rn, seeing something art-related going on, grabs a handful of the paper chains and aids in the decorating, then smiles farewell to BJ and slips off to the back of the bus to see what's been left under the seats.

It doesn't take very long for her to realize she really doesn't want to know, so she wanders back to the main group.

 

Mistb0rn: "Did we ever decide where we're going? I've always wanted to visit mountains, plains, desert, the sea ... anything but tree-covered hills really."

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Actaeon leans over to Rosycat.

 

Actaeon: Does this thing have a radio?

 

Rosycat nods.

 

Actaeon: Why not tune in to Spiderweb radio, then?

 

Rosycat fiddles with the dial. "Moonlight Serenade" fills the bus. Actaeon steps around Tyran and into the isle. He turns toward Dintiradan, Dikyoba, and Mistb0rn.

 

Actaeon: May I have this dance?

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*Mysterious Man stirs awake from his drunken slumber... he looks around groggily, vaguely aware that he is on a moving bus*

 

MM: Never drop acid into your beer... why was that elephant made of jelly? Why was it pooping jelly beans?!

 

*After shaking the cobwebs out of his head, he sees some familiar faces...*

 

MM: JENNEKE!? IS THAT YOU? Oh no...

 

*Mysterious Man begins a mad dash toward the bathroom in the back of the bus... he doesn't make it. Along the way, he trips over a foot that was just barely sticking out into the aisle, sending him sprawling onto his face*

 

MM: Jewels... is that you?! Where am I?!

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Dintiradan shrugs at Dikiyoba.

 

Dintiradan: Eh, what can you do? You need people to interact with for each post, and it's not like we're gonna bother PMing and waiting for a go-ahead with an RP like this. I mean, I got Aran to do a BigNo without knowing why. Speaking of which...

 

Dintiradan pulls out a hyperlink and holds it aloft. It's all a bit metaphysical and you probably shouldn't think about it too much.

 

Dintiradan: I'd feel about about dredging up ancient history, but Aran, you are the Archivist after all, and besides, there's a decent chance Slarty doesn't know about this yet. Behold!

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The big man is cheerfully dancing the hula, finally stopping his performance only when the music is changed. He hears Mistb0rn wondering aloud about where they are going to.

 

Big Man: Um, I prefer Sucia Isle, myself. Lots of illegal gene-changing and stuff. And I'd like to teach those serviles a thing or two.

 

Some of the Spiderwebbers are looking at the big man coldly.

 

Big Man : All right, all right. Just as you like. Avernum is fine too. Nice, dark underground caves with goblins and things.....anywhere at all, so long as it is nice and interesting... He pauses and strokes his beard thoughtfully (yes, he has a beard too). Or maybe it would be a good idea to leave the Spiderweb environment entirely and enjoy ourselves elsewhere ?

 

 

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Slarty: Well, that was a nice, relaxing sleep... hold on... WHY AM I DANCING?

 

Indeed, as Slarty wakes up, he finds that he is already dancing. He looks down and sees that his shoes are glowing faintly. He tries to step out of them, but he can't. Suddenly, he has an idea.

 

Slarty: Bow of Kag, please!

 

Tyranicus hands Slarty a large, ugly bow and a few arrows. Slarty shoots an arrow without bothering to aim it, and the arrow comes back and strikes Slarty's shoes, pinning them to the ground. Slarty steps out of the dancing shoes and takes a minute to steady himself.

 

Slarty: D, did you finish the other modification I requested?

 

Dintiradan's Clone: Piece of cake.

 

Slarty: Thank you.

 

Slarty walks up to the dashboard, picks up a small microphone and presses a button.

 

Slarty: Is this thing on?

 

It's definitely on. The music dies down as Slarty's voices crackles out over the Spiderbus public address system.

 

Slarty: Good morning, folks! Who needs sight-seeing when you can party all night on the bus, am I right?

 

MMXPERT, who has continued dancing even without the music, cheers loudly.

 

Slarty: I am pleased to announce that even though the night began on a grumpy note, things picked up thanks to the dance party! Aran, would you do the honors of presenting the Most Retrioactive Member of the day?

 

Arancaytar (from his seat): I don't know why, but my equipment has suddenly started measuring something called "Postquerels" instead of "Posts"... and the user with the most today was Jewels!

 

Everyone applauds for Jewels, who blushes, not having expected the honour.

 

Slarty: Indeed I am pleased to announce that we have raised the power of the engines enough to make our first leap back in time!

 

More cheering. Slarty and Rosycat switch positions. Slarty begins to input a series of arcane coordinates into the Spiderbus. The coordinates appear to consist of three letter words, but there is a dizzying array of them. They don't look like tiny scrolls, however. Meanwhile, Rosycat picks up the micrphone.

 

Rosycat (tail twirling excitedly): While Slarty inputs the coordinates for our first jump, I'd like to make another unveiling. Please put your hands together for Sylak's Beckoning Beacon!

 

Rosycat pulls open a trapdoor on the roof of the bus, revealing a manhole-sized magic circle. As she speaks, the circle shimmers for a moment. It appears to duplicate itself. The bus then passes by the duplicate, which fades away behind them.

 

Rosycat: Thanks to this Beckoning Beacon, any members who didn't make it to the bus in time for our leap will still be able to join us. And anyone who wishes to leave and return to our own time will be able to do so as well.

 

There are various oohs and ahhs. Then Dikiyoba raises a hand.

 

Dikiyoba: Dikiyoba has a question.

 

Rosycat: Yes, Dikiyoba?

 

Dikiyoba: Why are we about to drive into Lake Michigan?

 

Indeed, everyone looks out the windshield and sees Lake Michigan approaching.

 

Slarty: Don't worry, this is all part of the plan. This was a particularly good jump point, you see, and I've finished inputting the coordinates. Everyone get ready! You don't need to fasten your seatbelts, but if you haven't left your sanity by the door, you might be a little jarred by this experience.

 

As the bus careens into the lake, it doesn't strike water. Instead, it seems to enter into a dizzying conical tunnel of blue and purple that extends as far as can be seen in either direction. The bus travels through the tunnel for several minutes. As it travels, Rosycat speaks.

 

Rosycat: Now I can truly take up my position of timely guide and spiritual moover. We are travelling back in time. Days and posts, weeks and topics, months and forums, years and entire boards are flying by... we are specks, here, against the vastness of the universe.

 

Our first stop, and indeed the only one we have the juice for right now, is a very, very long time ago. You might call it our prehistory.

 

Big Man: Prehistory as in dinosaurs?!

 

Rosycat: Dinosaurs, maybe, but not the sort that are large and scaly. Dinosaurs of humour that came before us and gave shape to the world we inhabit, though we knew them not. Jeff Vogel walked with these dinosaurs, and some of them continued to walk with him. They shaped the attitude and humour of the games that brought all of us together, and some of them even walked, with tiny feet, in the world of Exile.

 

Arancaytar: Hey, this looks like we're entering the Google network! It can't be that far back.

 

Rosycat: You wouldn't think so. But we're going all the way back to September.

 

Trenton: What, last September?

 

Rosycat: The September that never ended. The Eternal September. It is a period of time that is CRITICAL to Retrioactivity and that speaks well to many dilemmas that the Spiderweb Boards have faced. We're going back to Usenet. September 1993. The group: talk.bizarre, where you can find Jeff... and many other dinosaurs.

 

In a minute we will be arriving. Before you disembark, I should give you a few warnings about retrioactive travel. You cannot change the timeline. It is fixed. We are not. So you can interact freely with all of the people and pages and other things you see about you. You can talk, joke, wrestle... However, you cannot take anything with you when you get back on the bus. If you do, it will upset the retriospacial balance and then...

 

Slarty: BOOM! Speaking of which... we're here!

 

BEHOLD THE FIRST STOP:

 

ETERNAL SEPTEMBER

 

See Also:

*
On Scenario Editors

*
On Grad School

*
On Retrioactive Love

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Originally Posted By: Dintiradan
Dintiradan shrugs at Dikiyoba.

Dintiradan: Eh, what can you do? You need people to interact with for each post, and it's not like we're gonna bother PMing and waiting for a go-ahead with an RP like this. I mean, I got Aran to do a BigNo without knowing why. Speaking of which...

Dintiradan pulls out a hyperlink and holds it aloft. It's all a bit metaphysical and you probably shouldn't think about it too much.

Dintiradan: I'd feel about about dredging up ancient history, but Aran, you are the Archivist after all, and besides, there's a decent chance Slarty doesn't know about this yet. Behold!


"Holy Cave Cow", exclaims Arancaytar. "I didn't even think that still existed."
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The other passengers file out of the Spiderbus to go visit September. Slarty sees Trenton attempting to do violence to the bus (twice; he is focused on his violence!) and goes to talk to him.

 

Slarty: What's going on, Trenton? I'm glad you decided to come on the trip. But so far, you have only tried to destroy things -- you tried to kill one of your fellow passengers, you tried to crash the bus, you destroyed Dikiyoba's camera, and now you're trying to destroy everything else! What's wrong, man?

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Iffy sighs

 

Code:
beginstate 126;// for use for consistently violent passengersif ((get_attitude(v) == 10) || (get_attitude(v) == 11)) {set_char_status(v,10,20,1,0); }break;

 

Trenton then falls fast asleep before he can cause any significant damage.

 

Iffy: Problem solved.

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The tums managed to keep Lt. Sullust's heartburn at bay; but once the dancing started nothing good hold back the churning acid. While moving to the beat, he managed to trip into the bathroom. The soundproof walls allowed him to enjoy some quiet relaxation once he shut the door.

 

Feeling the bus stop Lt. Sullust opened the door. MM was sprawled on the floor outside, his pants entirely soaked. Lt. Sullust only hoped that it was the watermelon juice from earlier (though the smell lead him to believe otherwise). After helping MM into the restroom, he went to gather a few things from his bag. 'Probably shouldn't leave the bus without any identification.' he thought as he picked up a small nametag that said 'TIM'. After grabbing a couple bottles of water he headed toward the front of the bus.

 

Lt. Sullust: Where are we at Slarty?

Slarty: Eternal September. Please watch your step on the way out. We don't want another mishap.

Lt. Sullust: Is it safe?

Slarty: Probably safer than being here with him. (pointing to Trenton)

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Slarty leaves a note conspicuously placed for Trenton to read when he wakes up. The note repeats what Slarty said before Trenton went to sleep, with one addition:

 

"What's going on, Trenton? I'm glad you decided to come on the trip. But so far, you have only tried to destroy things -- you tried to kill one of your fellow passengers, you tried to crash the bus, you destroyed Dikiyoba's camera, and now you're trying to destroy everything else! What's wrong, man? Please let me know what the issue is when you wake up. Thanks, Slarty."

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Wakes up, looking around. he thinks, "Where am I?" and shakes his head. his scarlet eyes spots a piece of paper on the floor next to him, and picks it up, reading it. he scrunches his face, pulls out a pen, and writes on it,

 

"Kill someone? I didn't know there was someone in my bag untill dikiyoba said something! And I was only trying to destroy the source of the music. And crashing the bus? You have that covered, driving into cracks, potholes, and branches everywhere, while I sat on the windshield Everyone is blowing up, dying, going crazy over food, or dancing. Sorry if what I do is bothering you.

 

xxYours truly, Trenton C."

 

then, after he is done, he throws it to wherever slarty is, and sits in the drivers seat, placing his feet on the dashboard. He whistles, avoiding the buttons, and pulls out a magazine, reading it.

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A glowing figure, wearing a classy trench coat, observes the arrival of Retrio-Spider-Bus and disembarkation of its sundry passengers.

 

Triumph: Spiderwebbers? In the past? Fascinating. What brings you here?

 

As he speaks, the glowing man notes a few puzzled looks.

 

Triumph: How did I get here? I'm a historian. I live in the past. Metaphorically speaking, of course. And in a realm such as this, metaphor is good enough. I find Slarty's historical endeavors...fascinating!

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Mistb0rn steps out of the bus and follows the group into September. As people spread out to browse she reads a few old threads, only to become almost immediately confused. Apart from those listed in the brochure that were posted by Jeff, it's largely unclear to her who or what is involved.

She flips through a couple more topics until tiring of the pursuit, then wanders around contemplating the architecture.

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Excalibur looks out the window in awe as he sees the "information highway of love" pass by. A passing modem nearly hits the bus and startles him.

 

Excalibur: September 1993? I couldn't even walk then!

 

He makes a point of walking by joining in the dancing. He takes a gulp of his peppermint schnapps a passes it around the bus.

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Aran reminisces half to himself. "September 1993! Wow, I had just started school then.

 

Jeff was contemplating editors back then already? Also: Jeff was a dungeon master? I suppose that shouldn't be surprising, really.

 

He foresaw the greatest difficulty with custom scenarios (special code) right away. As we now know, his first approach, a simplistic system of GOTO-like nodes editable only via complex dialogs, was difficult to master and yet resulted in stunning works of genius despite the confining medium."

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Searching through September and its untamed wilderness, Goldenking wonders at what strange contours history has taken.

 

To think, had things gone slightly different, none of us may have been here with this bus, returning to this obscure corner of the Internet. Some perfect mixture of quirkiness and wit, stamina in designing... somehow, everything went right.

 

It's good to see where it all began!

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"Well, yeah", Aran replies, "the history of the universe is an elaborate and infinitely improbable sequence of events somehow leading up to this moment. The same is true, of course, of every single moment there ever was.

On the whole, it is indeed satisfying how things have turned out, though."

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BJ whistles softly and hops off the bus. He browses though this strange corner of the internet he never knew existed before.

 

BJ: "Huh. So this is from the early days of Spiderweb."

 

BJ remembers being four years old in 1993 and so doesn't have much to reminisce about. He starts to get board but, fortunately for everyone else, then recognizes Triumph.

 

BJ: "Hey Triumph. You comin' along for the ride? It has been quite a party so far."

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The big man enters Eternal September and wanders around its ancient halls. Most of the walls and pillars seem to be American in origin, so he can't quite figure out what they are made of, but he notices the completely text-based architecture.

 

Big Man: Just look at that, they didn't even have smilies back then.

 

He can't imagine a world without smilies. He goes around admiring the smiley workarounds (the ASCII murals and paintings) that the ancients have drawn on the walls.

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Jewels decides to disembark with the rest excited to see where this trip would start. She walks among the posts reminiscing to herself.

 

Jewels: Hmm... where was I in 1993? Middle School? Goodness, I bet I didn't even have access to the internet yet. Played Dig Dug, NES, and Galaga. Wonder where my parents ever got that huge arcade size game...

 

She browses a few of the topics on the front page but none seem very interesting. Then she notices the posts made by Jeff Vogel glowing brightly from the tour highlights Slarty had put on them. Her initial smile becomes a smirk then a furrow then a frown. Having seen her fill she heads back towards the bus muttering as she gets on.

 

Jewels: I'll never look at gardening or Star Wars the same way again...

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*gives MMXPERT a strange look, then kicks the hand away*

 

Triumph: A-HEM.

 

*turns toward B.J.*

 

Triumph: Oh, hi, B.J.! Yep yep, I decided to join this temporal excursion. It should be interesting to see what other relics of the past Slarty unveils. Clearly *looks askance at MMXPERT* you have a motley crew.

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Originally Posted By: Sylae
Sylae looks around at Sept 1993 in interest

Sylae: Half of me wishes I could've been around for this, the other half thanks Mosla that I was a December child.


Aran: You were born in 93? This forum constantly manages to make me feel old...
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Skwish-E looks around, confused for a moment... then starts regressing to September of 1993. "Wait, No! 1993 was when ..." but it is too late. The biker has transformed into a used car salesman. He looks around, and seeing Slarty, tries to strike up a conversation.

 

Skwish-E: "Hey, I'll give ya $40.00 for that bus. That's more than it's worth, but you seem like a nice bunch of kids, and I'm feeling soft-hearted today."

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Actaeon emerges from the cinema with a bag of warheads and a Wonderball. At the drug store next door, he manages to locate a roll of Kodachrome, but remembers Slarty's warning, he regretfully leaves it on the shelf. He returns to the bus.

 

Actaeon: Buying food won't disrupt the space time continuum, right? I mean... we're gonna have to eat. I wonder if I could get away with purchasing some Apple stock...

 

He observes the bus pitch, and begins to look worried.

 

Actaeon: We're not ALL going to revert, are we? I mean, I was a toddler in '93 and some of us are even younger.

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JadeWolf is woken up by all the clamor, having been curled up asleep in a different corner of the Internet. He examines the bus curiously, noticing somewhat blearily he hadn't been born yet in '93, shrugs it off as a minor detail, and hops on.

 

JadeWolf: Some time since I saw something this interesting. You guys got a sleeping area for me?

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The big man finds Actaeon's statement rather worrying. He doesn't want to go back to his infancy either, and scurries out of the ancient halls back into the bus. He sees Skwish-E and JadeWolf.

 

Big Man: The more the merrier! Are you hungry ? I would have given you a whoopie pie, but I threw them all over the bus and there aren't any left. I think Iffy still has some cupcakes, though.

 

The big man goes over to MMXPERT, and they play Super Contra multiplayer for a while.

 

-----------------------

Actaeon's Spider Bus Map

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