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Trenton.

Best puns and jokes.

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I tried to get more Delta E, but my Delta S kept eating my Delta H.

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No, but with Oracle buying Peoplesoft, Sun, and Primavera, we have solved many of our inter-operability problems.

 

We now have a single source for our problems.

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One day as Harehunter was wandering his way to the carrot patch, he noticed a trail leading into the forest that he had not seen before. Curious, he made a slight detour to see where it led.

 

A fair piece down this trail, he encountered a woman standing behind a bush at the side of the trail.

 

"Good day to you, madam," greeted the Harehunter.

 

"Good day my rear end, s**t for brains." replied the woman.

 

As Harehunter approched, he came close enough to see that the woman had the body of a rather ugly bird. He immediately recognized that this woman was a Harpy.

 

"What are you doing here on this secluded trail?" asked Harehunter.

 

"I am taking time off for the holidays, d****ss." replied the harpy.

 

"Oh, Well harpy holidays to you." replied the rabbit.

 

With an indignant squawk, the harpy took wing and flew straight at Harehunter, talons extended.

 

Harehunter bolted back up the trail, and as he beat a hasty retreat he started singing a tune he had heard many years ago on the Roy Rogers Show,

 

"Harpy trails, to you

until we meet again..."

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Not lately, but I do have one on my bookshelf crying out to me every time I pass. It wants to be read so that it can join the other 36 books in the series.

 

Piers Anthony is one of my five most favorite authors.

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I used to consider him my favorite. Even have an autographed pic with accompanying letter from him but, meh.

 

His newer books are not as good as the old ones. He puts less thought into them and more piles of no-reason puns that his fans have sent him. I also distinctly remember his books being better BEFORE I was inducted into the adult conspiracy. Freaking-out at a pair of colorful panties just isn't as fun anymore.

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ntXzS.png

 

can someone explain this; i dont get it

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@Jewels,

I suppose that is why I left that book to languish so long, as I delve into other prose. Currently reading Paolini.

As to my list of favorite authors:

1: Robert Heinlein

2: Christopher Stasheff

3: Terry Brooks

4: Piers Anthony

5: Robert Aspirin

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Currently reading Paolini.

Piers Anthony and Christopher Paolini? You know, there are much better fantasy series out there. You don't have to suffer like this!

 

Dikiyoba always recommends the Discworld series. There are a couple of duds, but most of them are either pretty good or really good.

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Paolini was my wife's idea. I'll humor her. It's not that bad.

 

As for Anthony, re-read my signature.

 

But thanks for the recommendation.

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The late Joel Rosenberg is better than Heinlein who I did read in my youth along with the prolific Isaac Asimov.

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I am unfamiliar with Rosenberg.

Heinlein was my very first taste of SciFi. His early works were aimed at the age I was when I read them.

Asimov was a great read when I wanted something a bit more cerebral.

Bradbury's material was also for more serious thought, although of a darker nature.

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I finished If on a winter's night a traveler by Italo Calvino recently, and resumed my reading of House of Leaves. Last time, I got about halfway through it when I lost the book for a few months.

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tbf house of leaves is a bad joke so it fits in either thread

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This thread has been used to not only to post puns and jokes, it has been used for some rather serious discussions about the theory behind what is funny, and to uncover the nuances of how words can be played with to form puns. It has become the repository for some very clever witticisms, and some attempts so foul that they should never have been attempted. Even now as another thread is being infected by the drift about food and drink, this thread has had its share of that as well.

 

As a result of my participation on the Spiderbus, I have gained a bit of experience in adding a bit of prose to my puns. I hope this is an improvement over my previous manner of just dropping one-liners hither, thither and yon. To this end I have drawn some topics from books I have read; hence Jewels inquiry re Xanth. The natural tendency of Spiderwebbers to take such a diversion on a merry tour has taken hold of this thread again.

 

Laisse les bon temps rouler.

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tbf house of leaves is a bad joke so it fits in either thread

Huh. Dikiyoba remembers it being reasonably good (with the exception of the bit with the letters from the framing narrator's mother, which Dikiyoba just threw into the discontinuity bin).

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Bad Rabbit!

 

I remember the Thyme when Rosemary the Sage went to see Elvis Parsley in concert at Scarborough Fair.

 

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While the Mods Sleep, it seems that there is a fungus among us.

 

In fact there is more fungi than this fun guy can handle.

 

I'm going back to sleep.

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time flies lay eggs in dead clock batteries

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here i'll make one for you

 

time flies lay eggs in dead clock batteries

 

that's why you shouldn't eat battery eggs: some of them could be full of flies

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Darn, I came up with an answer after getting off.

"A man walked out of the supermarket, and on the way to his car he got mugged by a person using canisters of salt and packages of batteries as weapons. The mugger was caught, tried in court, and was convicted of assault and battery."

 

Plus, hard-boiling a battery egg would kill all the time fly eggs, resulting in a hard-boiled egg with a strangely-textured center.

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Lilith, You're gooood.

 

After the man was convicted of a-salt and battery, they locked him up in a dry cell.

 

And if that were not shocking enough, the prison food they served was revolting.

 

When he tried to put up some resistance, they took him before the circuit judge, who was only 5 feet tall.

 

The resulting feedback was so negative, it left his ears ringing. For a whole week afterwards, he kept trying to answer his cell phone.

 

 

P.S. I thought about the fruit flies last week, but I figured that I would spare you. Silly me.

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It seems the former a-salter and batterer was released on parole, because I noticed that he now works at that same supermarket where all of this began.

He has quite the electric personality now.

It was almost a jolt to see the transformation from his former self to now.

Sadly, it seems that his experiences won't be forgotten any time soon, as he can transition from positive to negative, and back again quicker than the flick of a switch.

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SoD, Your wit is truly stunning.

All that switching polarities must really hertz. The only way to rectify his current situation is for him to cross the Wheatstone Bridge.

Once across the bridge, he'll need to be inducted into the civil service, where he can increase his capacitance for doing good.

Only after discharging his civic duty can he become a direct electromotive force that can make the logical choice between one and zero.

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here's my random pun of the day:

 

She was suspected of stealing a brooch but they couldn't pin it on her.

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Nice clouds in that pic, Sylae. Are we going to use them to play chess, or checkers?

 

Meanwhile, a pun:

 

 

I work at a pizza place, and when it comes to the cheese, none of my coworkers can say I can't cut it.

 

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